


You're ripped at every edge, but you're a masterpiece

by Adanie_Josaeh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, As Ben does, Attorney Ben Solo, Because I love music so why not, Ben doesn't know how to flirt, Ben is going to be a dumbass and make some mistakes, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Lyrics as chapter titles, Misunderstandings, POV Alternating, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey always expects the worst, Rough starts, Sad times ahead, Unplanned Pregnancy, so be prepared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 76,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adanie_Josaeh/pseuds/Adanie_Josaeh
Summary: He imagines sliding that ring onto her finger after she tells him yes.  He imagines coming home to her every night - not because he’s talked her into staying with him because it’s convenient due to the proximity of where she works but because she lives there, full time.  He imagines wrapping her in his arms every night and waking up to her every morning.  He imagines what she might look like twenty years from now and knows somehow she’d still be the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.Then he lets it go.  Brushes it aside.  It’s not something he can do, not something he can sustain.  Ben’s always been honest with himself about his capabilities and screwing up is another one of those inevitabilities.*Rey and Ben butt heads the moment they meet, but an underlying attraction keeps things interesting.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 81
Kudos: 324
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. I knew you were trouble when you walked in

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Star Wars story, so I'm both scared and excited. I'm not really new to the whole fanfiction thing, but I'm fairly new to the fandom (at least the fanfiction part of it). Right now, I'm setting the chapter count at 10, but it's likely going to increase because some of the chapters are REALLY long and I'm probably going to add more to it honestly.
> 
> I'm going to try to update weekly, possibly more frequently since the story is mostly written, but I don't want to get myself into a jam by promising updates every 3 days and not delivering so...just count on weekly :)
> 
> Also, all chapters titles are lyrics from songs I like, and of course so is the title.
> 
> The first chapter is going to have some technical stuff in it that have to do with the characters' professions, but there will be hardly any of that after the first chapter. 
> 
> This story already has a sequel waiting. It was originally one story, but it didn't feel right all jumbled together, so I separated it into two. Once this one is done, if people like it, there will be another one following close behind.
> 
> Anywho...be gentle, it's my first time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey encounters Ben on first day working in court and makes a teeny-tiny mistake.
> 
> Ben, true to form, is an ass about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Taylor Swift, obviously.
> 
> There's...probably going to be a lot of TS lyrics as chapter titles...

_I’ve got this, I’ve got this_.

Rey’s internal pep talk has been a constant in her head since last week, but now that the day has arrived, her anxiety has kicked up several notches and the words _I’ve got this_ play a constant loop in her head.

“Hey, today’s the day, huh?” Her coworker, Rose Tico leans a hip against her desk with a knowing smile. “Nervous?”  
  


“A bit,” Rey concedes with a smile. “I”m worried I’ll screw something up and completely embarrass myself.”

“I promise you, we’ve _all_ done that, so if it happens, it happens,” Rose shrugs. “There’s nothing that can’t be fixed and it all falls back on the attorney anyway.”

That’s what worries Rey though. She hates the thought of screwing up so completely that her boss would get in trouble.

“You can just observe today if you want,” Kaydel offers as she loads up the files on the cart. “Amilyn wouldn’t expect you to just jump right in on your first day in court.”

Rey shakes her head. “No, it’s fine. I _want_ to. I feel like I know everything I need to know...it’s just I haven’t exactly practically applied any of this stuff yet.”

“Sure you have,” Rose tells her, moving the laptop onto Kaydel’s cart. “You’ve run guidelines, you’ve written agreements, you seem to know all the rules. You just haven’t dealt with the clients yet.”

“Bit different, isn’t it? Writing agreements for people who obviously _agree_ rather than running back and forth between people to try to _make_ them agree,” Rey mumbles as she gathers her things into her court bag.

“Oh, and don’t forget the attorneys,” Kaydel snickers.

Rey groans, but follows them out of the office and to the elevators.

She’s three months into her new job at the district attorney’s office, and so far, everything she’s done has been behind the scenes. Straight out of college and looking for a job that would give her a little more than _barely scraping by_ , Rey had accepted the first job with benefits that she’d been offered. The salary is nothing impressive, but for once in her life, she’s doing better than just making ends meet.

She likes the job and she’s found that she excels at the tasks she’s been given so far. Though admittedly, when she graduated with a BS in Criminal Justice, her first job choice had not been working in the child support unit of the DA’s office.

Honestly, she isn’t sure what she wants to do with that degree just yet. She’s certain that further schooling is going to be required for anything she’s really interested in, such as forensic technician or maybe even lawyer, but for now, she likes her job and it pays the bills.

There’s just the small matter of actually working in a court setting now, which she hasn’t done yet. Amilyn Holdo, the ADA over the child support unit, has graciously kept her out of court for the last three months, insisting she needed to learn the job before she was thrown into the court setting. Amilyn had been adamant that Rey be given time to acclimate. So she has honed her skills behind the scenes thus far and without the pressure of someone breathing down her neck. 

Because she’s going to be in the presence of a judge and lawyers and clients, Rey has taken extra care with her appearance today. She’s wearing a pretty yellow sundress with a denim jacket thrown over it to keep her arms covered paired with white wedge sandals. She’s left her hair down from her usual buns, attempting to go for a more grownup look.

She climbs into the elevator, along with Rose, Kaydel, Jannah, and Jessika, two carts somehow squeezed between the five of them, and travels up to the twelfth floor. 

*

Ben Solo shoulders his way into the elevator along with about five other people. He takes a spot in the back, his broad frame as compact as he can make it. He’s more than a little claustrophobic and when his anxiety threatens to choke him, he bangs his head against the back wall to snap himself out of it. It doesn’t attract any attention, of course. Everyone else has things to do as well and they’re worried about their own stress.

_Should’ve taken the stairs_.

He wonders how he let Luke talk him into this.

Eleven weeks. Eleven weeks he’s been doing this and it feels like years already. This _had not_ been his plan upon graduating law school, but fate seemed to have its own plan. Ben’s plan had been to accept an offer at the big law firm in Coruscant where he had interned. But then his uncle got diagnosed with cancer and had worried his practice would fall apart if he had to hand out his cases to random attorneys to cover for him.

  
  


Ben, fresh out of law school, had agreed to take on all his pending cases, as well as any new clients that came looking for legal assistance at his office while he was out. So now Ben is elbows deep in divorce cases, termination of parental rights, and child support. He is _not_ an expert a family law – or at least, he wasn’t, until the crash course he’s received the last eleven weeks.

Ben knows that he isn’t meant to be _that_ kind of lawyer - the kind that can listen to petty disagreement between divorced parties with patience and help them find a solution. So far, all he’s wanted to do with those people are throw them both out of his office. He’s sent numerous people to mediators, just to get them out of his hair and try to come to agreements on their own. He isn’t suited for this type of practice. Ben’s strengths are his ability to memorize law and policy. He’s excellent at research and excels at understanding the fine print – things he’d been doing at Snoke’s firm as an intern.

  
  


Ben hopes that there’s still an opportunity for him with Snoke when he’s done covering for his uncle. The starting salary at Snoke’s firm is so impressive that Ben has already figured out that he could retire by the age of fifty, while still driving an expensive car, living in a nice house, and investing in a vacation home. And since Ben is already thirty-two, Snoke’s offer is the most attractive option he’s come across.

  
  


Alternatively, he could work with Luke, have a reasonably nice house, have a timeshare rather than his own second home, and work until he’s probably seventy-five. No, Ben knows where his preferences lie.

  
  


But the news of Luke’s cancer had scared him enough to come home and help out until Luke was back on his feet.

  
  


The elevator seems to stop at every floor, letting people off while more people pile on, and Ben practices his calm breathing so as not to let his anxiety get the better of him. He does _not_ likes crowds. Or elevators. When the elevator opens up to the twelfth floor, Ben manages to squeeze out, not missing the startled sounds of the other passengers as he shoulders his way through.

  
  


He takes a deep breath as he gets out, thankful to be less constricted, and then heads toward the double doors that lead to Judge Ackbar’s courtroom.

  
  


*

The morning passes in a blur, keeping Rey busy enough that she doesn’t stress out. There doesn’t seem to be enough workers to go around to help everyone coming into court. Before Rey knows it, she’s working three cases at once, running back and forth between the parties and Amilyn, and then running into the judge’s office to get a signature. 

Just as she finally finishes a case that she's been handling for an hour, a man approaches her, not caring that she is elbows deep in calculating guidelines for a new case.

"Miss, excuse me, I've been here for over an hour," he says.

Rey glances up and the twinge of annoyance she initially felt disappears as she sees how nervous he was to approach. He seems to pick up on her harried vibes.

Rey forces a smile. "Have they called your name?"

"Yeah, when they called the docket…."

"We're still working through the ten o'clock docket," Rey tells him apologetically.

He huffs and looks around, clearly antsy, "I'm supposed to be back to work by one…"

With a sigh, Rey sets down her pen and asks, "What's your name then? I'll pull your file and see what's going on."

"David Hall," he answers, relief evident in his voice.

Rey nods as she moves to the pile of untouched cases, picking through until she finds his name along with 'Sara Hall'. She peeks into it and glances up at the client. "Modification?"

He nods. "Reduction. Sara's pissed of course…"

"Is Mrs. Hall here?"

He nods and points to a woman sitting toward the back of the courtroom. "Back there, in the orange dress."

Rey pulls out an Income Affidavit and hands it to Mr. Hall and instructs him to have a seat and complete the form. Then she clips the second affidavit to a clipboard and takes it to the woman at the back.

"Hi, Sara Hall? I'm Rey Niima. I understand you're here for modification…"

Before she can politely request that the lady fill out the form, the woman stands up, hands on her hips. "I am _not_ agreeing to this reduction. I'm not. You can't make me sign…"

Rey takes a deep breath and tries to pull on another smile. "Of course not, Mrs. Hall…"

"It's Mrs. Luttrell now," she snips, rolling her eyes. "I don't know why the court still has me under _his_ name."

Rey nods, the smile she's forcing beginning to hurt her cheeks. "Right, well, I just need you to complete this form regarding your income. It has to be done before anything else can be addressed…"

The woman opens her mouth to say something else, but Rey shoves the clipboard into her hands as politely as she can and scurries away. Once she's back at her seat, she struggles to remember where she was in the guidelines calculations for the other case she'd been working. She manages to clear her head enough to get back on track with her calculations, but as she is finishing up the guidelines, a shadow falls over her and she bites back on her annoyance because she knows it's probably just Mr. Hall bringing back his finished form. 

She takes a deep breath and looks up. And up.

Then she cranes her head back to look up a bit more at the absolute mountain currently towering over her. 

Thick, wavy, black hair falls to his shoulders and Rey might be struck with fascination at his face - if he weren't scowling at her.

She clears her throat. "Can I help you?"

He quirks a dark eyebrow. "I'm not sure. Did you speak to a David Hall a few minutes ago?"

Rey nods. "I did. Gave him an Income Affidavit to fill out…"

"Why?" He interrupts, a bit too snappish for Rey's liking. 

Rey's brows pinch together as she looks up at him. "Because he's here for a modification and the first thing we do is get the income information from both parties…." She trails off, distracted by a tapping sound and her eyes flick down to the table she's working at to see him drumming his fingers along the wood impatiently.

_This guy_ , Rey grits her teeth and looks back up to him.

"I'm aware of the steps one takes in a modification case," his eyes settle on her and he frowns. "Who are you exactly?"

_Who are you?_ She wants to demand. "I work with the DA's office in child support."

He gives her a nod and what looks like a snarl as he says, "Yes, I gathered that, but _who are you_? I've never seen you. Are you new?"

She is, technically, new to court. But she knows the procedures well enough that she feels more than a little offended at his suggestion. As much as she wants to snipe at him, instead she tells him, "I'm Rey Niima. Nice to meet you." She smiles at him sweetly and offers her hand to shake.

He ignores her hand and just studies her for a moment before he leans down, dark eyes resembling an endless black abyss as he says, "Yes, I might've known that if you'd been wearing your badge."

Rey's mouth pops open and she dips her chin to look down where her badge should be. Heat floods her face as she glances back up at the smug look on his face. She turns away so she can rifle through her bag and feels relief when her fingers close around her badge. She quickly clips it to her denim jacket before meeting his eyes again.

She gives him another too-sweet smile. "See? Totally legit."

He hums, standing up straight once again and crossing long arms over what appears to be a massive chest. "If that's so, shouldn't you know not to speak to my clients?"

Rey freezes as she stares up at him. "What?" She asks a bit dumbly.

Both his eyebrows raise as though he's surprised at her stupidity. "Mr. Hall," he waves a hand behind him, "is my client. He's hired me to represent him and in doing so, should not be questioned or harassed by the DA's office without my representation. Does Holdo not teach you that?"

Rey's mouth drops open again, though she can't quite find the words she needs through her embarrassment. 

The man - Mr. Hall's attorney, apparently, - continues, "If you're 'legit'" and he says it in such a condescending way that Rey feels her blush intensify, "you would know that you aren't supposed to speak with a non-custodial parent who has representation without their attorney present."

"I-I'm sorry," she whispers hoarsely, "I didn't know he had an attorney..."

"Oh," his eyes flick to the file and he reaches for it. Rey wants to tell him that no one is allowed to touch those files outside of DA staff and the judge, but in light of the legal faux pas she just committed, she lets it slide and watches as he flips open the file and peruses through the first couple of pages before finding what he's looking for. He gives her a pointed look before turning the file where she can see it, plain as day. 'Notice of Appearance. Comes now, Honorable Benjamin C. Solo…'

"It's in the file, Miss Niima." He says this as though he’s speaking to a five year old.

Rey nods and looks away from the smug expression on his face, waves of humiliation washing over her. She knows the rules, knows that she's not supposed to talk to someone who has an attorney unless explicit permission is given to do so. Part of her wants to argue that _David Hall_ approached her, that she was just trying to be polite, but she knows this Benjamin Solo guy will only hear excuses. 

"I'm going to speak with my client," Solo says, finally moving away from her table. "If you don't mind though, I'd like it if someone more experienced worked with me on this case." 

Rey ducks her head and fights back tears of embarrassment. 

*

"So Rey," Jannah says as they're all riding down to the lobby at the end of the day. "I heard you met Solo."

Rey bristles at the name and scowls over at Jannah, who holds up her hands in surrender.

“Just asking,” she chuckles.

Jessika pats her arm. "That bad, huh? It's okay, sweetie. He’s just covering for Luke Skywalker for a little while. He normally doesn’t handle family law. You get used to him."

"Speak for yourself, " Jannah mutters.

"He was such an asshole," Rey says, still not quite over the way he'd humiliated her. "I fucked up, I get that, but he didn't have to be…."

"Abrasive?" Rose suggests.

"A dickhead?" Jannah supplies.

"Yeah," Rey agrees, mostly with Jannah's word.

"Look at the bright side," Jessika says in a way that Rey just _knows_ is not indicative of a bright side at all. "You'll have plenty more opportunities to enjoy his sunny disposition. Skywalker’s on leave for several months, I heard." 

_Perfect._

  
  


*

  
  


Ben is busy working on getting a petition filed before the day's end when a huge pain in the ass strolls into his office like he owns the place. 

Okay, so he _does_ own the place. But he isn't supposed to be here right now.

Ben looks up at the smiling idiot, contemplating telling him that it's hard to get rest if he just keeps popping into the office a couple of times a week.

"Hope this is important," Ben says, settling an icy look on his uncle.

"Good to see you too, Ben," Luke says jovially, planting himself in a seat. Ben takes a minute to look at him and suppresses a wince. He looks rough, thinner, tired - the chemo is taking its toll.

"Is there something you need or are you just here to annoy me?" Ben looks back at his computer screen, trying to put the final touches on the petition before electronically filing it. Mitaka could technically do this, but Ben admitted long ago that he's too much of a control freak to entrust important deadlines to anyone but himself.

"Heard you were a little harsh with Amilyn’'s new worker today."

Ben pinches the bridge of his nose. "You mean the girl who spoke to my client in my absence?"

Luke is silent, and when Ben looks up, he sees he's made a face.

"It's interesting how you just assume that I'm in the wrong when she clearly…"

"Alright, alright," Luke holds up his hands and fidgets in his chair. "I didn't have the whole story. I just heard she was upset after the two of you spoke and she didn't finish the case she started with you."

"I didn't want her to. Anyone who doesn't know the rules is wasting my time."

"Ben…"

"Luke," he counters, sending him a sharp look. "I can't have DA clerks trying to reach an agreement with my clients behind my back. Your clients," he adds pointedly. 

Luke sighs, "I'll have Amilyn talk to her. But try to be nicer, yeah?"

"Sure," Ben says flatly. "Tell your ADA friend to try to hire people who know what they're doing."

  
  


*

  
  


The next time Rey sees him in court, she feels better prepared to deal with him. Now that she knows what he’s like, she practically grabs at the case with his name on it - one that he was appointed to. She’s practically spoiling for a fight this time. She eyes him as he speaks with his client, and she goes to have a quick word with the custodial parent and assures her that the contempt charges will be addressed.

He’s sitting at the center table directly in front of the judge’s bench, looking over what she assumes is his version of the client’s file. She walks slowly and takes a minute to study him. He would be startlingly attractive if he wasn’t such an ass.

He has the kind of hair that girls are both envious over and want to run their fingers through - long, thick, and wavy. His eyes are deep set and _so_ dark, framed by equally dark lashes. His nose is long, but not at all in an unattractive wait - in fact, it fits the rest of his face. His lips _should_ be too plush, too colorful for a man, but somehow it _works_. 

_Probably why he’s such an asshole_ , Rey muses. _Successful and attractive. Probably doesn’t think he needs a personality on top of everything else._

He glances up when she stops just beside him, shadowing him as he did her a couple of weeks’ prior - though not near as impressively as he’d done it. Annoyance flashes across his face before he looks down again.

“Partnered up again, I see?”

“I wouldn’t call us partners by any means,” Rey says coolly. He’s here representing a man who hasn’t paid child support in eight months while Rey is on the side trying to make sure the kid is taken care of.

Solo waves at the seat on the other side of the table without looking back up at her. Rey steps back around to the front of the table and slaps the folder down, though it doesn’t draw a reaction from him like she’d hoped. She plops down in the chair and opens the folder, looking over it once more.

She looks up and Solo is looking at her expectantly and almost, _almost_ impatiently, and she has to grit her teeth to keep from snarling at him. “Right. Well, it looks like your client has eight acts of contempt. The custodial parent insists he’s been working the entire time and posting all over social media about the trips he’s gone on and the money he’s spent rather than taking care of their child.” She raises an eyebrow. “Does he have any solid argument against the contempt charges?”

Solo sits back in his chair, pulling absently at his tie and Rey’s eyes are drawn to his hands.

_His freaking hands!_

They’re huge.

“He doesn’t want a hearing. He’s willing to enter into an agreement if she’s willing.”

“Is he going to pay the balance of what he’s past due then?” Rey asks, arching a doubtful eyebrow. The defendant’s arrears balance isn’t chump change - he owes quite a bit.

“He doesn’t have that kind of money just lying around,” Solo says, a hint of irritation coloring his tone. “He is willing to plead guilty to the contempt in exchange for a suspended sentence. Suspended based upon future compliance, of course,” Solo is quick to add when he notices Rey gearing up to argue again.

Rey wants to avoid a hearing too, mostly because she hates testifying in court almost more than anything else, so she’s quick to grasp onto this solution. 

"Okay," she says, looking for the arrearage figure in the file, "so the arrears would be adjudicated at $5,200. He needs a monthly payment on the arrears."

Solo nods along, not looking up from the notes he's scribbling, "How's $25 a month?"

Rey frowns and stares at him so long he looks up. 

He sighs heavily. "What?"

"She won't agree to that. Do you know how many years it will take to pay off the balance at that rate?"

"What do you propose then?" He asks tiredly.

"Twenty five percent of current support."

"How is that a deal for him? We could have a hearing and the judge would order him to pay less than that."

"The judge would order more than $25 per month though," Rey hisses, feeling her temper spike. 

"Fine," Solo runs a hand through his ridiculously nice hair. "$50 per month?"

"$100," Rey snaps.

"$75," Solo bites out. "Final offer. Do you want this to go to the judge?"

"Fine," Rey mimics his earlier snip. "You already said he'd plead guilty to eight acts and at five days per act, that would give him a suspended sentence of forty days…" She's just started scribbling notes on a legal pad of what will go into the agreement when Solo slaps his massive hand down on the yellow paper.

"We are not agreeing to the full five days per act."

Rey glares up at him and bares her teeth a bit. "What do you suggest then?"

Solo stares at her for several seconds, a muscle twitching beneath his eye. "One day per act."

"You've got to be shi…." Rey bites her lip to stop the stream of profanities threatening to come out. "Absolutely not. I might be willing to do _four_ days if we avoid a hearing, but there is no way he's getting an 8 day suspended sentence when he's over $5,000 behind!"

Solo finally slides his hand away and sits back in his chair again. "He has $2,000 cash right now to go towards the arrears. It doesn't quite knock it in half, but it puts a pretty significant dent in it. What do you say, Miss Niima? My client pays a lump sum and you give him two days per act?"

Rey is at a loss, once again thrown off balance by his compliance to meet her halfway on something when he'd been giving her such a hard time. If he had mentioned at the beginning of this that his client had money to put toward the arrears, this could've been over quickly. And when she glances back up, he's looking at her and he looks - a little bit like he's enjoying himself. 

It annoys her even more. 

"Three days per act, twenty four day suspended sentence, $75 per month towards the arrears, and the $2,000 lump sum," she says, " _And_ a referral to the Responsible Parent Program."

Solo's eyes narrow at the last minute addition, but then his lips quirk a bit and he says, "We have a deal."

*

When Ben is done for the day, he can't help but feel amusement at his second exchange with the new girl working for Amilyn. She doesn't seem to like him much, not that things like that have ever bothered Ben.

There are plenty of people who don't like him.

But he can't help but remember her irritation with him as they negotiated over a contempt agreement of all things. He probably could have avoided most of the back and forth with her if he’d told her upfront that his client had cash, but - well, he finds he kind of likes interacting with her. She was a little intense in her need for fairness and even though the whole agreement was a small thing for him, he appreciates her tenacity while fighting for her client.

There was a particular way she bared her teeth and scrunched her nose that he finds - well, _adorable._ And adorable is not a word Ben Solo throws around.

Or ever uses at all, really.

But it certainly applies to her.

And she isn’t the airhead that he had taken her for after their first meeting. She had looked non-threatening enough at the time, in her yellow sun dress, with her awkward fumbling - 

But this time, she’d been ready for him and probably wouldn’t have given him an inch if he hadn’t worked so hard to comply with her wishes. He could’ve been difficult, took the case to a hearing, and maybe his client would’ve come out better, maybe not. But he finds that in an odd way, he _likes_ bantering with her.

He certainly looks forward to future interactions.


	2. 'Cause every now and then I kick the living shit out of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben realizes that maybe he's going about this whole flirting thing the wrong way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit
> 
> Because that applies to Ben in...so many situations.

Ben is running late.

He _hates_ being late. 

It’s Mitaka’s fault, who has somehow failed to tell him that one of his cases was reset for this morning at the same time he's supposed to be on another case and because of that failure to inform him, Ben didn't have time to request a continuance on either of them. He's trying to keep his anxiety at bay. Because his anxiety _never_ manifests as nervous, fumbling energy-

Instead, his anxiety manifests as blind rage.

“Please, tell me,” he growls into his cell phone, “ _how_ the fuck you expect me to be on the twelfth floor for a paternity suit while _also_ being on the ninth floor for a custody hearing. Why didn't you tell me that the custody case was moved up to today?"

Mitaka stutters on the other end, claiming that he thought Ben had seen it and had it under control.

"How would I have it under control?" Ben bites out. "I've just had to track down Holdo to tell her I'm going to be late for the paternity suit, which has in turn made me late for the custody hearing. What am I paying you for if you can't catch these things?"

More bumbling apology from the other end and Ben is just done with it, so he ends the call, wishing in that moment for a phone he could slam down in Mitaka's ear. Clicking the 'end call' button is nowhere near aggressive enough for how he feels right now.

He deals with the custody case, barely managing to contain his disdain for his own client, who is trying to get full custody from the mother because she has a boyfriend and apparently Ben’s client is jealous - even after being divorced for two years. The case is set out again for a review, and by the time Ben slips out of the courtroom he’s already forty-five minutes late for his _other_ nine o’clock hearing. He jogs to the elevator, smashing at the buttons and, after realizing the carriages are nowhere near his floor, he says _fuck it_ and takes the stairs - it’s only three floors.

It’s 9:48 by the time Ben rushes through the side door of Judge Ackbar’s courtroom, drawing the attention of _her_. 

Her eyebrows lift and she holds up a file, the set of her mouth indicating that she is _irritated_. His eyes narrow at her and she returns his glare. He stomps over, tosses his briefcase on the table, and says - “You again?” - for the sole purpose of watching her cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink as her temper flares.

He really needs to stop purposely pressing her buttons, but he can’t seem to help himself.

She looks pretty today, but then, he can’t imagine a scenario where she doesn’t look pretty.

“You’re nearly an hour late,” she bites out, and he can see that she’s grinding her teeth.

“Some of us have other things to take care of and don’t have the luxury of sitting around for nearly an hour waiting on someone else,” he takes the seat across from her. 

“I’ve worked other cases,” she hisses at him. “But this one could have been over in five minutes if you’d been here. Instead, both parties have had to wait around here watching all the other cases get worked.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “They probably both took off an entire day just to sit in court for an hour, so pardon if I don’t feel too guilty.”

Rey does that thing, where her nose scrunches in anger, and Ben has to suppress a smirk. She flips open the folder and sits back, crossing her arms, “I have no idea why this was filed as a paternity suit instead of a petition for child support. Your client is on the birth certificate, so paternity has been established already.”

Ben doesn’t even look up from where he’s unsnapping his briefcase. “He wants a paternity test.”

Rey groans. “Does he _actually_ want a paternity test or are you the one pushing for it?”

Ben glances at her. “Of course I’m pushing for it. The parties were never married and my client wants to make sure he’s the biological father before he’s ordered to pay support for the rest of the kid’s minority.”

“The kid is six. So what you’re telling me is that he’s the only father this child has ever known, and now he’s cool with just fucking off if it turns out she doesn’t share his DNA?”

“Why should he be made to pay for a child that belongs to someone else?”

“She belongs to him in every other sense of the word already. I heard him talking to his mother in the hallway about trying to get joint custody because he doesn’t feel he’s seeing the child enough since the breakup - how can he be so invested in being a part of the child’s life, while also making a big deal about whether or not she’s biologically his?”

Ben sighs heavily. “Miss Niima, I understand you questioning his morals here, but this is a legal matter.”

Rey scowls at him. “Fine, we’ll take the matter before the judge.”

“Fine.”

Fifteen minutes later, the judge has granted Ben’s motion of a paternity test despite having his client’s name on the birth certificate, and he gives Rey his best _I told you so_ look and strolls off, smirking to himself.

  
  


*

"Why is he so annoying?" Rey groans as she and Rose sit down to lunch at the cafe around the corner from the courthouse.

Rose's eyebrows lift. "Is this about Ben again?"

Rey winces and scowls down at her hands. Of course it’s about Ben. He’d been so late this morning that Rey had been getting antsy. The state’s client and Ben’s client both had kept coming up to her, wondering when their case would be worked. Rey had said as little as she could to Ben’s client - because _never again_ \- and had profusely apologized to the mother. 

She made sure her client knew that the case was being held up by the father’s attorney.

_Take that, Solo_.

It should have been an easy case, but as soon as she opened the file and saw Ben Solo’s stupid name as the father’s attorney, she’d known he would complicate it in some way.

And she had waited for _nearly an hour_ for him to finally arrive and then get his way.

Rey relays all this to Rose, who gives her a skeptical look.

"Rey, you realize that it’s not uncommon for guys to want paternity tests when they weren’t married to the moms, right? There are plenty of cases with the wrong man being named as father. Honestly, Amilyn _wants_ us to push for paternity tests too. You sure you aren’t just mad about it because it was Ben Solo?"

Rey slumps down in her seat and grumbles, “Probably, but it’s because he’s so annoying.”

When they return to court that afternoon, Rey is relieved to find that Ben doesn’t have any more cases set for the day.

Relieved. Not disappointed at all.

*

Occasionally, the eleven o'clock docket will end right at noon and the next docket will be at two, which means on court days, Rey is able to enjoy an extended lunch break. 

Her coworkers insist that this is their reward for having to deal with court days, so it's always a call for celebration when they have enough time to eat lunch somewhere other than the corner cafe or a fast food restaurant or, in Rey's usual case, eat a peanut butter sandwich brought from home. 

On one of these days, Rey is roped into going out to the Mexican restaurant a couple of blocks from the courthouse. It's Rose’s favorite, and Rey knows she won't shut up about what she's missing by not testing out their salsa. Jessika opts out, citing bad indigestion, so Rey, Rose, Kaydel and Jannah pile into Rose’s little SUV and head toward the restaurant.

Once they’re seated, Rey peruses the menu eagerly, flipping through the pages and reading descriptions of all the different dishes - though she knows she’s just going to end up getting chicken nachos like she always does.

  
  


Rey freezes when she hears his voice, deep and distinct. She doesn't know what he's saying, only that he's moving closer. She stiffens and unfortunately Rose notices and gives her a strange look.

Rey watches her face as it finally clicks in her head. One minute she's studying Rey with a look that's a cross between concern and confusion, then her eyes flick up to the massive tree of a man passing their table, then back to Rey - and then understanding dawns on her face and she rolls her eyes.

Solo is with a group of people who Rey assumes are all lawyers. They’re all dressed in fine suits and most of them appear to be north of forty - Solo is by far the youngest. The group of men sit at the table only a few yards away as Rey makes a valiant effort not to glare in their direction. 

Once the chips and cheese dip arrives, it's easier to forget that the large pain in the ass known as Ben Solo is sitting so close. Every once in a while, she picks out the deep timbre of his voice in conversation completely by accident, but manages to drown it out by focusing on conversation with the other girls.

Rey puts away her lunch with her usual gusto, hardly leaving a trace of her chicken nachos on her plate. Her coworkers tease her as usual about how much food she can put away. She happens to glance at her phone and notice that it’s already after one o’clock and they have a one-thirty docket.

“Oh, we need to go,” she says, looking around for the waiter. She finally makes eye contact with their waiter, flashing him a smile and beckoning him over.

“Yes, ma’am?” He asks. “Need a to-go box?”

“Oh, no,” Rey says, glancing at her empty plate. “Just...the check?”

He blinks at her. “Oh, the check has been handled, ma’am.”

Rey’s eyes flicker between the waiter and her friends, who are no help since they look just as confused as she feels.

“ _My_ check has been settled or…?”

The waiter frowns and turns to look at Rose, Kaydel, and Jannah. “All of your checks were settled. I’m sorry, I thought you were aware…”

For a couple of seconds, all they do is look at each other in bafflement and then look around to see who might have paid for their checks. The waiter seems a little embarrassed at the fact that he hadn’t informed them.

“I apologize, ma’am. I know you ladies are probably in a time crunch and I’m sorry to make you wait. It’s just I thought you knew…”

Rey waves him off. “Oh, no. You’re fine, really. But out of curiosity, can you tell me who...I mean, are they still here or did they leave…?”

The waiter purses his lips and glances sideways and Rey follows his eyes, having completely forgotten about _him._

_Him_. Who is apparently eavesdropping and fully aware of the conversation because once Rey’s eyes land on him, he gives a very small smile and a nod of his head before turning back to his meal.

“Uh, that gentleman,” the waiter explains hastily.

“Right,” Rey croaks, feeling her face flush. She grabs her phone and her purse and jerks her head to indicate she’s headed out the door.

She strides out quickly, knowing Rose’s and Kaydel’s short little legs are barely keeping up. Jannah catches up with her first.

“Rey!” She whisper-shouts as she comes to walk beside her. “Did Ben Solo just…”

“Evidently,” she replies in a clipped tone.

“Why would he…?”

“No idea.”

“So weird.”

“Maybe he likes you,” Rose chimes in, having finally caught up with them. Kaydel is still several feet behind them.

“Eww,” Jannah says.

“No,” Rey shakes her head. “He definitely doesn’t like me.”

“He doesn’t like anyone,” Kaydel insists, jogging up to the group. 

“Well, why else would he buy all of us lunch?” Rose asks.

“Maybe he likes _you_ ,” Rey turns to her friend, giving her a sickly sweet smile.

Rose, undeterred as usual, just shrugs and grins. “Maybe he likes Jannah.”

“EWWW!” Jannah says again, making a gagging noise.

They find themselves back in front of the courthouse in a matter of minutes. 

“Maybe it wasn’t him,” Jannah says. “Maybe it was one of the guys he was with.”

Rey nods along, hoping the topic will drop, even though she knows better.

She could see it on his face when she met his eyes.

Ben Solo had bought her lunch.

*

Ben feels incredibly proud of himself as he watches Rey’s face and sees the moment she realizes that he bought her lunch. She seems to think that all he’s capable of is being an ass, but he can play nice, for the most part.

Of course, he knows he’s also just annoyed the shit out of her by taking care of her check and everyone else’s, but that’s her problem, not his. If she can’t accept a friendly gesture, then that’s her issue.

He _did_ mean it as a friendly gesture too. For whatever reason, Ben _likes_ her. Or at least, he’s very attracted to her. It doesn’t matter that he seems to annoy her to no end. Inexplicably, he doesn’t _mind_ that she doesn’t like him. It’s a strange phenomenon, being so attracted to someone who probably hates his guts, but it is what it is. 

He’s starting to wish that their first meeting had gone differently, but it’s not as though he’s done too terribly much to endear himself to her since then either. Admittedly, he likes to push her buttons and - while doing so results in him being a pain in her ass, which is actually counter-productive to how he _wants_ her to feel about him - he _really_ can’t seem to stop. Something about her being aggravated with him _definitely_ does things for him. 

Ben surmises that he’s probably messed up in the head. His delight at getting her riled up probably isn’t normal, but _what the hell_. 

So he’d bought her lunch, to try and show that there was more to him than being a pain in her ass.

It may have backfired though.

He’ll just have to find other opportunities to show her that he can be something other than an asshole.

  
  


*

Rey knows that working in a courthouse in a smaller town that she’s bound to run into the same people frequently, especially now that she’s not confined to the DA’s office and actually has to run errands and attend court.

But it’s getting ridiculous.

She sees him when she runs to the sheriff’s department to check on the status of bench warrants. 

She sees him when she visits the clerk’s office, checking his mail box as though everything isn’t e-mailed to him.

She sees him in court on a regular basis, and though she doesn’t always work with him, somehow she always winds up in his proximity.

He greets her the same way every time.

A quick, unimpressed once-over, a curt nod of his head, and a ‘How are you, Miss Niima’.

She’s managed to be polite, but he’s starting to get under her skin.

“So annoying,” she makes a disgusted noise as she and Rose load up the cart at the end of a court day.

Rose gives her a pointed look. “He’s being nice to you lately, why is that annoying?”

“Well, it’s obviously fake, right? I mean, he snipped and growled and refused to work with me that first time, so why be nice now?”

“Maybe he feels bad?” Rose suggests. “He doesn’t seem to mind working with you now.”

Rey frowns, unwilling to admit that Rose has a point.

*

Rey manages to not run into him for ten whole days, but all that changes one Friday as she’s getting off the elevator. 

She’s rushing back from lunch, full cup of iced coffee in her hands. She has a couple of minutes to clock back in before she’s considered late and she’s poking at the buttons on the elevator like that will make it move faster. When the doors finally open, she jumps on and mashes the fifth floor button.

_Should’ve taken the stairs,_ she thinks as the elevator takes forever to even begin moving.

Once it travels up to her floor and the doors slide open, she rushes out and collides into a brick wall.

Only it’s not a brick wall. 

She looks up from where she is sprawled on the floor, her bottom smarting from the smack to the hard tile, to find Ben Solo looking down at her in shock.

She takes a look at herself and groans. Her coffee has emptied completely all over her white pants and pretty blouse, the cup is lying sideways in the very middle of the elevator doors. Rey watches dispassionately as the elevator doors close, squishing the plastic cup between them. 

She’s distracted by movement and realizes that _asshole_ is just walking off! Leaving her on her ass, covered in iced coffee. She lets out a string of curses, but doesn’t look around to see where he’s gone - probably dashed off down the stairs so he wouldn’t have to wait for the elevator. 

She stands up and surveys the mess she’s standing in and is thankful for her anger - otherwise she might cry.

She takes a step in the direction of the DA’s office, worried about clocking back in before she’s late, and promptly loses her balance in the slippery liquid and falls on her ass again.

“Fuck!” She growls with passion.

Slowly, she starts lifting herself up again, then startles when she feels a hand at her elbow, guiding her to her feet. 

She turns her head and there he is, dark eyes wide and tentative as he grabs her arm with one hand and holds a wad of paper towels in the other. She watches his throat bob as he swallows and he looks almost...nervous. 

"Sorry," he mumbles and holds out the towels to her. 

Wordlessly, she takes a few and then watches as he bends down - _in his expensive suit! -_ and begins mopping up the mess in the floor _._

So he hadn’t run off after all. 

Rey makes an attempt to soak some of the coffee out of her white pants, but the damage is done. Thankfully, she’s got clean laundry in her car that she’d been too lazy to carry into her apartment yesterday.

Small mercies.

Ben finishes swiping up the remnants of coffee and tosses the paper towels in the garbage. His eyes travel down to her ruined outfit and he grimaces.

“Sorry,” he rumbles again, frowning at her coffee-splattered pants.

The part of her that’s been hating his guts for the last few weeks wants to tell him where he can shove his apology -

But the thing is, Rey knows it’s her own stupid fault for being in such a hurry. She’s late now anyway and as much as she’d _like_ to blame it all on Ben, she can admit that this was her doing. 

And the fact that he actually _looks_ sorry is making her question why she’s been so quick to villainize him.

“It’s not your fault,” she tells him, meeting his eyes and trying her best to look contrite. “I wasn’t looking where I was going and…”

“Rey! There you are!” Rose pokes her head out of the office. One look at Rey likely tells her all she needs to know. She frowns and says, “Um, I’ll sign you in.”

“Thanks,” Rey tells her. “Is it okay if I run down to my car and grab some clothes?”

Rose nods. “Of course. I’ll let Amilyn know what happened.”

She disappears and Rey turns back to the elevator and hits the call button. She waits a couple of minutes before it opens, aware that Ben is standing there, knowing she’s about to be in a very small space with him and wondering why that fact is making her so tense.

The doors open and Rey leans down to retrieve her obliterated coffee cup and then steps in, moving to the far side to give Ben plenty of room.

He’s a pretty big boy after all.

His eyes slide to hers as the doors close again and he clears his throat. “You said you have extra clothes in your car?”

Rey nods, wishing he’d just shut up so they could ride awkwardly in peace.

“Do you often have accidents where you’re ruining clothes?” He asks.

Her head swivels to the side and her brows pinch together in a frown.

_Is he making fun of me?_

His face is almost blank with maybe a tiny hint of curiosity there. She rolls her eyes as the elevator opens to the first floor.

“Unfortunately, the reason isn’t near as interesting as me being a walking disaster,” she answers. “I was too lazy to carry in my clean laundry last night. But hey, it served me well today, right?”

He hums and nods along and she realizes that he’s keeping pace with her as she walks toward the exit. And she’s observed him enough to know that his legs are ridiculously long and he should definitely be leaving her in the dust with the strides he’s surely capable of making - especially since Rey’s own gait is awkward considering her thighs and butt are sticky with coffee - but he’s _actually_ walking with her.

“What kind of coffee did you just lose?” He asks conversationally.

Rey slows down to give him a questioning look, but he seems genuinely curious.

_So weird_ . _What the hell does it matter?_

“French vanilla.”

“French vanilla,” he repeats before breaking off to walk down the front steps. Thankfully he doesn’t appear to be planning to follow her to her car. “Well, sorry again, Miss Niima. Try not to have any more accidents.”

Rey rolls her eyes when he turns his back and pokes out her tongue as he strides off toward the crosswalk.

_I’m sure you’ll have a good long laugh about that when you get back to your office_.

She runs to her car and grabs some black dress pants and a blue button down, then quickly makes her way back to the office. She changes clothes and shoves her soiled outfit into a bag and tosses it on her desk. She collapses in her chair and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Is today over yet?” She mutters.

Jannah chuckles from his corner of the office. “At least it’s Friday.”

“Amen to that,” Kaydel says, sticking her head out of her office. “You got big plans this weekend, Rey?”

Rey snorts. “I never have big plans. I’m the most boring person you’ll ever meet.”

“Oh, come on. You’re young. Fresh out of college. You’re not old enough to be boring.”

“It is what it is,” Rey tells her, clicking through her emails. “Me spilling my coffee all over myself is the most exciting thing that’s happened all week and it wasn’t even _fun_.”

Rose appears then, wide eyed and giving Rey a very pointed look. “I think you spoke too soon.”

Rey looks up at her, brows raised in question. Then Rose promptly plops a cup in front of her.

A cup of iced coffee from the same place the last one had come from. Rey stares at it for a moment and then - even though the color looks right - scans the ticket, confirming that it’s french vanilla flavored. She sits up straighter and looks at Rose.

“Um…?”

Rose shrugs. “It was left with Tallie at the front window. There’s a long line at the window, so she said she wasn’t really paying attention when it was dropped off, but the ticket says it all anyway…”

Rey yanks the ticket off the side of the cup and takes a closer look.

She already knew. She didn’t really have to look.

But in case there were doubts before, the ticket gave him away.

Clearly printed at the top of the order is ‘Ben S’.

Ben Solo had bought her a coffee.

Was he...trying to be nice to her?


	3. New and a bit alarming, who'd have ever thought that this could be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey starts to see Ben in a different light. Ben still struggles with his manners.
> 
> Chapter title from Something There from Beauty and the Beast :)

The next time Rey sees him in court, he's working with Kaydel. He doesn't act any different than normal. He's not any friendlier. He doesn't smile. He's not  _ exactly  _ rude, but very to-the-point and no-nonsense.

But there's  _ something _ different, she thinks.

Has to be.

Because now she isn't glaring at him every few minutes, but studying him curiously, wondering if her eyes are playing tricks on her. She's not sure where all of her anger and frustration with him went. He still annoys her a little, but she thinks it has more to do with how stupidly attractive he is than how he's acting.

He catches her eyes and gives her a nod as usual, but this time, along with the nod,  _ this time _ , there is a certain  _ quirk _ to his mouth. A blink-and-you'll-miss-it upturn to his lips before he turns away again. 

Rey's mouth falls open a little and she blinks stupidly before snapping out of it. And then she turns back to the client she was working with before she got completely distracted.

Rey kind of wishes that she'd gotten to work with him instead of Kaydel.

After a long lunch, Rey trudges back into the courtroom for the 1:30 inmate docket and shivers violently. 

"What the…?" She wraps her arms around herself and gives Rose a questioning look.

Her friend yanks her sweater from the bottom of the cart and throws it over her arms. "It happens sometimes," she says in explanation. "Judge Ackbar's secretary has been going through menopause for, like, two years. Every once in a while she gets so hot that she starts tinkering with the air."

"I didn't bring a jacket," Rey grumbles, because why would she? It's mid-September, not quite autumn yet and, outside of the denim jackets she sometimes wears to cover her shoulders in some of her sleeveless dresses, she has had no need for jackets. 

"Sorry," Rose grimaces. "Should've warned you. ALWAYS keep a sweater in the office for court days in case Debbie starts messing with the thermostat. Even in July."

Rey groans and rubs at her arms as she makes her way over to the cart to begin pulling files for inmates that were arrested on child support related charges. There are five of them, which is sure to back up the 2:00 PM docket and make their afternoon longer.

A now familiar shadow falls over her as she sorts the files. She peeks up and sees Ben Solo standing there to her right.

"What are you doing back so early?"

He sighs. "Ackbar appointed me to all the inmates being advised on child support charges today. Can't sentence them without an attorney and apparently he thought it would be, ah, more expedient to appoint one attorney for all of them."

Rey makes a face. "Sucks for you."

He nods in agreement. "Especially since I don't have the first clue about any of them."

Rey's eyes widen. "You don't have your own file for them?"

His lips purse and his eyes narrow a little as he looks toward the door to the judge's office. "Just appointed me this morning. All I have is a list of names." 

She has no idea why she decides to take pity on him, but it doesn’t seem quite fair that he’s been thrust into this with no clue about any of the people he’ll be representing. She chews on her bottom lip as she lifts the first file and offers it to him. 

His eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline when he realizes what she’s doing. 

Rey sighs. “Look, you aren’t supposed to see our files, but if you’ll stay at the table where I can see you and  _ only _ look on the right side - everything behind the blue page on the left is private - then I’ll let you have a look. It’s only fair.”

Still looking completely bewildered, and maybe a little cautious, Ben sets his things down at the end of the table and takes a seat, pulling the first file toward him.

“He was supposed to appear for court two months ago and didn’t. Bench warrant was issued. Contempt charges haven’t been addressed yet,” Rey summarizes.

Ben nods. “And he was properly served?”

A bit of irritation flares and Rey narrows her eyes at him. “Would we have issued a warrant for him if he wasn’t served?”

Ben shrugs and mutters, “Would you talk to a client who has representation without their attorney?”

And suddenly all the not-terrible things she’d thought of him are gone in a blink and she feels her blood pressure rising again. He glances up and there’s a hint of amusement there - until he sees her expression.

“Oh, um,” he shakes his head and drops his eyes back to his file. He clears his throat. “That was supposed to be me teasing you, I-” He blows out a heavy breath that stirs the pages in the file. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to piss you off, believe it or not.”

“That  _ is _ hard to believe,” she says coolly.

He looks up, eyes dark and full lips pressed together and she just  _ dares _ him to keep on at her. She shivers involuntarily as the air kicks on again because  _ of course _ she’s sitting right under a vent. She turns her scowl to the ceiling.

“Cold?” He asks.

“No,” she says, turning up her nose a bit as she looks back at him.

His eyes flick down pointedly to her arm, now displaying goosebumps and tiny little hairs sticking up. 

“‘M fine,” she mutters, reaching for the second file. She begins perusing it, absently rubbing at her arms every few seconds.

She hears movement to her right and sees Ben standing up, rolling his eyes at her as he slips off his suit jacket. Before she can open her mouth to object, he’s draped it around her shoulders and returned to his seat.

He looks even broader without the jacket on and she scolds herself for getting a little distracted at his wide shoulders. His jacket smells  _ good _ . Not like cologne really, but maybe his soap or aftershave or something? And it’s so  _ warm _ . She decides to leave it on, just to keep him from goading her about being cold.

They work through the inmates and, as it turns out, Ben has cases all afternoon.

He ends up working with someone else again, but lets her wear his jacket until the final case is finished.

Rey’s loading her things onto the cart when she sees him headed for the door, speaking with Amilyn as they walk out. She shrugs off his jacket and jogs over to him.

“Almost forgot this,” she says, handing it over to him.

Amilyn’s eyes bounce between the two of them and a curious smile creeps up on her face. “Oh, Ben, look at you being the gentleman.”

He doesn’t seem amused as he drapes his jacket over his arm and narrows his eyes at Amilyn. She gives him a bright smile and heads out the door, leaving the two of them standing in the empty courtroom.

“Thank you,” Rey forces herself to say. “For letting me borrow that. Next time I’ll remember to bring a sweater.”

Ben nods. “See that you do.”

And she’s on the verge again of wondering why he’s so stern, why he has to be so sour about everything, when she sees that little twinkle in his eyes, the little upturn of his mouth. She snaps her mouth shut and takes a breath.

“Will do,” she says, managing a smile at him.

He gives her his usual nod and then heads out the door.

She instantly feels cold without Ben’s jacket to keep her warm.

*

She looked cute in his jacket. 

That's the single most prevalent thought in Ben's head as he leaves the courthouse. He knows he should probably head back to the office, but court was a nightmare today and he's just ready to be home.

He's too distracted to work now anyway. His jacket smells like her.

He keeps thinking of the way that her hands would get lost in the too-long sleeves, of how she'd huff in irritation as she wiggled her hand back to freedom. He thinks of how the end of his jacket hit about mid-thigh on her and how much he'd like to see her in some of his other clothes - preferably after spending the night with him.

Ben doesn't fight it. He accepted a long time ago that he's more comfortable with innocent fantasies than actually having to deal with any kind of relationship. One too many bad experiences in his college and law school years had left a bad taste in his mouth and he's accepted that domesticity is just not for him. 

Serial dating isn't either.

So he allows himself to imagine the pretty, freckled, fiery brunette with the lovely hazel eyes in one of his tee shirts, lying in his bed, smiling at him sleepily.

She's just his type too - gorgeous smile, athletic build, dimples in her cheeks, freckles on her nose-

He reminds himself that she really can't stand him, but finds himself smiling at the thought of it. Maybe if he wasn’t such an asshole, maybe if he wasn’t such a complete  _ mess _ , then he could work on changing her mind, maybe ask her out.

He stops his thoughts there because there’s a big difference in flashes of innocent fantasies and full-out wishful thinking. She hates him and she has good reason to and that’s that. He’s not even good at the whole flirting thing.

His attempts to harmlessly tease her only made her angry and he realizes that, when it comes to this woman in particular, he has about as much finesse as an eight year old boy pulling his crush’s pigtails on the playground. He gets the feeling that if anyone ever tugged Rey’s pigtails, she probably would’ve decked the poor kid.

****  
  


*

The next day, Ben decides to walk a few blocks to the park for lunch. Food trucks line the walkway. He’s had a craving for a chicken and bacon wrap for several days now, so he goes to the end of the long line, taking his phone out to check his emails while he waits. 

He’s deleting spam when he hears that accent he’s growing so fond of and smiles down at his phone.

“Fancy meeting you here,” she says from behind him. “Speaking of fancy, this doesn’t seem like your type of…”

“Are you accusing me of being stuck up?” He gently cuts her off, still looking down at his phone.

“Probably.”

He finally turns to her and tries not to react to her too much.

She’s really fucking pretty though and he’s never been great at completely hiding his expression. While he somewhat manages to keep his face neutral, he knows his eyes are too expressive.

Her hair is in three buns, which - although it’s kind of cute - is nothing like seeing her with her hair down. She’s dressed more casually also, likely because she doesn’t have to be in court today. Her face is free of makeup and he finds himself a little distracted by the smattering of freckles dotting her nose.

“Uh, the line is moving and you’re holding it up,” she tells him flatly.

“Right,” he turns back around and moves up, thankful that no one tried to break in front of him because it’s a pet peeve of his, but Rey already thinks he’s enough of an asshole, so no need to give her more reason to hate him by having a meltdown over a line-breaker.

“Just so you know, I’m buying your lunch,” she tells him, and her voice is closer than he expected. 

Ben peers over his shoulder and she’s standing so close - close enough that a random bystander might think they’re here together. Then it sinks in, what’s she’s just said.

“No,” he says, moving up once again with the line.

“No? What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“You aren’t buying my lunch.”

“You bought mine that time at the Mexican restaurant.”

He winces a little, still uncertain of what had gotten into him that day. When he doesn’t have a good explanation to offer of why he did it, he simply says, “But you aren’t buying mine.”

She is quiet for so long that he turns around, half-expecting her to have disappeared. She’s still there, thankfully, but her face is stony and her jaw is set in such a way that he knows she’s clenching her teeth. 

_ Well, fuck. _

He’s seconds from asking what he did to piss her off, but she saves him from it by biting out, “I may not be some fancy lawyer, but I  _ think _ I can afford a wrap. I don’t need your charity or your condescension…”

It’s like a punch to the gut, her words, and he wonders how he always manages to be a prick, even when he’s  _ trying _ to be nice. He doesn’t know how to explain to her that it’s not about his copious amounts of money versus whatever she’s worth. He doesn’t know how to tell her that he was brought up by an old-fashioned dad who believes that men are always supposed to pay on dates...

That’s the crux of it though, right?

This isn’t a date. It never will be. Furthermore, his mom would be aggravated that he’s picked up on his father’s outdated courting habits and insist that he just accept Rey’s idea of paying him back. He sighs heavily.

“You can pay for it, if you want,” and his tone sounds irritated, and he knows he must look irritated too, but again, words fail him, so he doesn’t explain to her that the irritation is at  _ himself _ , not at her.

As they move toward the counter, he glances back at Rey again. Her body language has completely changed from when she first found him. Her arms are crossed over her midsection and she’s not looking at him. She even looks a little...upset? 

He orders his food and she orders hers and he lets her pay. As they are handed their orders, he opens his mouth to ask if she wants to sit with him on a park bench to eat lunch, but she turns away. 

“We’re even now,” she tells him in a clipped tone. “Glad to be out of your debt.”

And because he’s an asshole, and because he just  _ can’t _ let anything go without having the last word, and because he’s basically an eight year old boy on the playground pulling the pigtails of the girl he kind of likes, he says, “It’s not even until you buy me coffee.”

She freezes, ten steps away from him, and for a second he hopes she’s going to turn around and grin at him, hopes that she’ll walk back this way and realize he wasn’t trying to insult her when he tried to refuse her offer to buy his meal.

But when she turns around, she just looks tired, and maybe a little disgusted. She says nothing, just shakes her head, and then turns around and walks off.

_ You’re hopeless, you idiot. _

*

Rey doesn't know why she's decided to torture herself, can't make sense out of the thing she's on her way to do.

His office is one block from the courthouse, which is why she always sees him walking rather than driving. It's not out of her way at all, and she thinks maybe his office won't be open yet, maybe she can toss the coffee into a trash bin and forget about being petty.

But when she finds herself outside the office, she sees that the lights are on. She knows she's in the right place too, the lettering on the window reads 'Luke Skywalker, Attorney-At-Law'. She takes a deep breath and pulls the door open.

Maybe she can get away with leaving the coffee with his assistant or paralegal or whoever it is that occupies the front desk. She leans over to read the placard.

'Dopheld Mitaka'. 

She looks around, wondering if there's a bell she needs to ding for service, which she knows immediately is a ridiculous thought because this is an attorney's office.

"Back here," she hears a deep voice call from down the hallway.

It's  _ him _ , of course. She'd recognize his voice anywhere. She looks down at the coffee cup in her hand and considers just leaving it on Mr. Mitaka's desk, when she hears Ben call out again, "Come on back!"

With a groan, Rey creeps slowly toward the office Ben seems to be in and peeks into the open doorway.

He's standing in front of his desk, looking down at an open file in his hands. She clears her throat and he glances up, a frown turning down the corners of his full lips.

His eyebrows lift when it registers who is standing in his doorway. "Rey?"

"Yeah, hi," she mumbles awkwardly, wondering what in the hell made her think this was a good idea. She holds up the coffee cup. "We're officially even now."

He's so still that it's almost comical. He hasn't blinked in a while, and Rey wonders if she's creeped him out by showing up at his office. His eyes finally flicker down to the coffee cup in her hand, before lifting back to her face.

She watches his throat move as he swallows. "That was supposed to be a joke," he says.

Rey shrugs and moves a little further into the room, holding out the cup.

Ben doesn't look at the cup in her outstretched hand, but says, "How do you know you got the right thing? I never told you what kind of coffee I like."

And she thinks that maybe he was hoping she'd pull off some kind of magic by getting exactly what he likes, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. She lifts her chin, daring him to complain about what she's brought him. "I don't know what you like. I ordered it black." She pauses, wondering if she should continue to antagonize him. The words on her tongue feel an awful lot like she's spoiling for a fight. But she says them anyway. "Like your soul."

That pretty mouth of his flattens into a thin line and his eyes harden. "Cute," he bites out. "And original."

Rey doesn't understand why she does it, why she's actively trying to push his buttons now, why she's sought him out just to be nasty to him - but she can't seem to stop. "Are you going to take it or am I going to have to throw it on you like you did to me?"

Of course, he hadn't thrown it on her. It had been her fault, she knows that. 

The muscle beneath Ben's left eye twitches and he presses his lips together as though he's keeping himself from snapping at her. He plucks the coffee cup from her hands and strides out of the office. Rey stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before running after him, an apology on the tip of her tongue.

She follows him down the hallway to a little kitchen -

And watches as he rips the lid off the coffee cup and pours it down the sink. Her mouth falls open and she feels her face go hot.

" _ You _ -" she snarls.

"Oh, does that  _ upset _ you?" He growls, turning back to her. "Does it piss you off that I'm not grateful for your petty little gift?"

"It wasn't a gift," she sniffs. "It was payback."

"Well, I don't accept," he bellows, baring his teeth. "So I guess you still owe me."

Rey's mouth falls open and she shakes her head. "What is  _ wrong _ with you? Do you get off on antagonizing me?"

"I'm trying to be  _ nice _ to you," his voice booms, echoing in the small kitchen. "Or I was until you tried to bring me some bullshit, payback coffee just to get even. Why can't you just accept when I try to be nice to you instead of making a pissing contest out of it?"

Rey feels her face go hot. "I was trying to return the favor, but you…"

"Bull. Shit." He bites it out through gritted teeth and she can see he's practically trembling with rage. "I don't know why, or what the fuck the issue is, but for whatever reason, you can't handle the thought of someone doing something for you. Even something as small as buying you lunch or a coffee."

Rey freezes as she's getting ready to argue back, but the words die in her throat. Because he's right. She doesn't want anything from anyone. She's been on her own for most of her life. And she bought that coffee because she couldn't stand the thought of being in Ben Solo's debt. 

Her eyes drop to the floor and her fingers curl into her palm, her nails biting into her skin. She takes a shaky breath. 

"Fine," Rey says finally. "You're right."

When she looks back up, Ben is giving her a cautious look, as though he doesn't trust that this isn't a trap.

Rey pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes, trying to push her way through the awkwardness of apologizing to Ben Solo. As she's gathering her thoughts, trying to figure out what to say, she feels a heavy hand land on her upper arm and startles.

Her eyes fly open and Ben is standing there, dark eyes wide. "I'm not trying to antagonize you. If it happens, it's because I have - " he pauses, blows out a breath, and shakes his head. " - because I don't have a lot of practice with trying to be nice."

So he really has been trying to be nice. It's not some elaborate act. And the times he's said some snarky things to her - outside of that first time - there's a good chance he's been trying to tease her.

"I'm sorry," she says it like it costs her something precious and she  _ hates _ that it's so hard for her. "I guess I can be defensive and prickly about some things. How about-" She licks her lips nervously, his hand on her arm distracting. “What if I meet you for coffee sometime before court one day? I can - maybe I should try to be nicer too,” she says it quietly because honestly, she’s a little ashamed of herself. “I can repay the favor without being petty about it,” she adds, giving him a small smile.

The corner of his mouth turns up and his eyes soften and the effect is...distracting. Somehow just as distracting as the hand he still has on her arm. They both realize that he’s still touching her, so Ben yanks his hand away and Rey takes a step back. 

Ben clears his throat. “Sounds like a plan, Miss Niima.”

Rey raises an eyebrow at that. “‘Miss Niima’, is it?”

His dark eyes twinkle and his smile turns into a smirk. “I suppose if we’re going to be friendly I can call you Rey?”

“That’s better. I imagine you still want me to call you Mr. Solo.” 

He huffs a laugh, his eyes falling to the floor as though he’s shy. “I would say Mr. Solo is my father, but he’s never been so formal.” He looks back up at her. “Anyway, I’d much rather you call me Ben.”

“I can do that,” she turns to go, glancing over her shoulder as she heads out of the kitchen. “I guess I’ll see around,  _ Ben _ .”

As she’s walking out, she can hear him barely hear him answer her. 

“See you, Rey.”

And something about the sound of his voice saying her name makes her blush.


	4. My mind forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey starts warming up to Ben, but continues to expect the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift

Ben gets his coffee date two weeks later. 

Not that he would ever tell _her_ he's been calling it a coffee date in his head. He has a feeling this would piss her off.

She finds him outside the courthouse. It's late October and the temperature has dropped dramatically in a matter of days, so she's wearing a sweater with a peacoat over it and somehow still looks cold. Her freckled nose is a little red.

She smiles tentatively at him as he climbs the stairs outside the courthouse and he knows he probably looks confused.

"I was just wondering if you had time -" she pushes up her sleeve to check the watch on her wrist. " - it's only 8:20...do you have time to run around the corner and grab that coffee? My treat, obviously." And she stops smiling for a moment to give him a stern look that makes him want to laugh - as though she's dating him to not accept her treat.

"Sure," he says, and he wants to pat himself on the back for how calm he sounds when really he's immensely pleased that she's actually choosing to spend time with him outside of court.

The coffee shop is not even a five minute walk, so while Rey is ordering, Ben takes a seat at a small table and waits for her. He has time to kill and he's not about to rush away when he finally has her to himself for a little while.

She brings their orders back and there's maybe a little hesitation on her part when she sees that he's sat down. Ben figures maybe she wanted to hand him his coffee and be on her way, but he isn't going to make it that easy - especially since he knows that on court days, she doesn't have to be signed in until nine o'clock.

She sits down and hands over his coffee, the same kind he'd tossed down the sink a couple of weeks ago.

Her eyes are flitting around the table- landing on her hands, her coffee, the napkin dispenser - anywhere but Ben. 

The last thing he wants is for this to awkward, so he tries conversation. "So other than me...which attorney do you hate working with the most?"

The unexpectedness of the question makes her chuckle. "Well, you're certainly the worst," and Ben believes it - even though her eyes are shining with humor. "But after you I'd have to say….Poe Dameron."

Ben is pisspoor at hiding his emotions, so when he hears the name, his face automatically pulls down in a scowl.

"Ah, so you know him," Rey laughs. 

Ben knows him alright. They had attended the same law school, but years apart because Poe had pursued his law career as soon as he finished undergrad, whereas Ben had other things to do. Their families also know each other and Ben's mom _loves_ Poe. 

"I know him," Ben says as steadily as he can. He studies Rey and finds despite her _saying_ she doesn't like working with Dameron, she certainly didn't have the reaction he had. 

And because Poe is charming and handsome and an all-around people person who loves everyone, Ben wonders if maybe he's Rey's least favorite because she likes him and having a crush on someone you’re working with is awkward. He would know, after all, and the more he thinks about it, the likelier it seems. He takes his hand off his coffee cup so he won't squeeze it into oblivion and spill coffee everywhere.

"Are you friends?" Reys asks.

"No."

She breathes out a sigh. "Good. He's nice and all, but...he always treats me like I'm a kindergartener, explains things real slow. And I know you thought I was an idiot as well, but at least you didn't cover it up with fake kindness."

Ben wants to latch onto that, wants to tell her that, yes, Poe is a little shit, but if he's being fair...he sighs. "It's not fake kindness," he mutters grudgingly. "He genuinely likes most people, regardless of what he thinks of their intelligence. I was wrong to treat you like you were an idiot and so is he."

She's quiet for a few moments and Ben finally looks up at her to see she's smiling at him softly. "Thanks."

His brows pull down and he tries to figure out why the hell she's thanking him.

She takes pity on him and explains, "Thanks for the, uh, apology."

His lips quirk into a smirk. "I didn't apologize."

"Not in so many words," she says, openly grinning at him now. "But I got the gist."

And Ben may as well be a teenager talking to his first crush because her smile makes him feel things and he had to look away or else he'll be grinning right back at her like some besotted idiot. He clears his throat and nods at her coffee cup. "What did you order?"

It's an innocent enough question, but a blush creeps onto her cheeks and she bites her bottom lip. "Uh, it's a pumpkin spice latte."

He snorts and shakes his head. "Wow, Rey."

"What's wrong with that?" She straightens her spine and tries to look down her nose at him, but the effect probably isn't what she wants because she's grinning and blushing and looking generally adorable. "Are you going to accuse me of being a basic white chick?"

He smirks. "If the pumpkin spiced latte fits…"

She wads up her napkin and throws it at him, missing by several inches. "I'm just trying to be festive."

"I suppose that means you're dressing up for Halloween too, hmm?"

"Maybe."

He shakes his head at her, but his mouth is starting to hurt from trying to fight the smiles she's pulling from him. 

By the time they need to leave, Ben is trying to figure out how he can make morning coffee dates a regular occurence.

*

Maz's is a popular bar in a central area in downtown. The first time Rey went, she was immediately attracted to the atmosphere of the place. Because Alderaan is a college town, there are photos of locally famous college athletes hanging all over the walls. The bar lies along the left side of the building and across from it on the other wall is a small stage for live music. The dance floor is small, but always packed, and an iron, spiral staircase leads up to a loft for guests who want a slightly more peaceful experience away from the crowd.

Rey follows Kaydel and Rose to the bar, who are dressed as some kind of sexy bunny rabbit and a sexy pirate respectively, and take a seat on the stool. Looking around, it's clear that she's in the minority with her innocent costume.

She's dressed as a nerd, complete with thick glasses, long sleeved blue button up, bow tie, high waisted khaki pants. and suspenders. She even managed to acquire a pocket protector for her breast pocket, stuffing it with about ten ink pens. 

It's a startling contrast to the skimpy, revealing outfits that most of the women at Maz's are wearing. There are sexy nurses, sexy inmates, sexy fairies, sexy vampires - there is even at least one sexy _nerd_ , but her costume is vastly different from Rey's. 

Rey orders a beer and as she waits, she lets her eyes wander. Predictably, there are far more women dressed up than men. And most of the men who have dressed up seem to be a part of a couple's costume. There is a peanut butter and jelly costume, black eyed peas costume, what appears to be Cleopatra and Julius Caesar - or is it Marc Antony? - and a couple dressed up as the Incredibles.

The bartender passes over her beer and she sips at it as her eyes continue to wander. She freezes when she sees a familiar figure sitting toward the corner of the bar, sipping at some clear liquid as he stares at his phone. It could be vodka or maybe gin - or it could be water for all Rey knows, but who in their right mind would come to a bar just to drink water?

She almost laughs because, really, who in their right mind comes to a popular bar on Halloween to enjoy a quiet drink to themselves? He certainly doesn't seem the type that would enjoy crowded bars. She guesses that drunk people probably annoy him. He _looks_ a little annoyed. She watches him from across the room, the way his jaw tenses when someone gets too close and brushes against him. She watches him scowl when someone laughs too loudly. 

_Oh, Solo, what the hell are you doing here?_

Rey slides off her barstool, beer in hand, makes her way around to his little corner of the bar. He hasn't noticed her as far as she knows, and it's loud enough that she's able to approach him unnoticed. There isn't a free stool next to him, so she creeps up behind him, stands on her toes and leans close to him.

"What's your costume?" She says it close to his ear and he startles a little, swiveling on the stool until he can see who has crept up on him.

Initially, his brows are drawn low and those pretty lips are pulled down by a frown -

But when he sees her, his brows shoot up and his mouth does that thing like he's fighting a smile.

She wishes he wouldn't. 

"I'm a lawyer," he deadpans, and sure enough, he seems to still be wearing his work clothes, minus a jacket.

"Aren't you just tons of fun?" She teases, softening her words with a grin.

His eyes sweep over her costume. "I see you also decided to go as yourself for Halloween."

Her jaw pops open and she smacks at his bicep - his exceptionally hard, rather large bicep. As soon as it happens, she feels a little embarrassed. Where did this familiarity, this borderline _flirting_ come from?

Ben slides off his barstool and offers it to her.

"You lost yours," he says, gesturing in the general direction of where she'd come from. Her seat is now occupied by some guy, who is desperately trying to get Kaydel's attention. "The least I can do is offer mine since you gave yours up to come talk to me."

And there's that almost-smile again, a hint of a dimple, and Rey feels her face heat. Then what he'd said hits her and she narrows her eyes at him.

"You knew I was over there." He'd said it. How would he know she'd lost her seat if he hadn't known she was there?

"Hmm?" He says, his brow pinching. She can see the wheels turning, can see the moment he knows he's caught.

She grins up at him. "You knew I was there." And at first she's delighted by it because she'd been in the bar a total of five minutes and he'd somehow noticed her amongst a completely packed house. But then it occurs to her that she'd been looking at him quite a bit and he'd never once met her eyes. He'd avoided her.

The smile slips from her face. He picks up on it because _of course_ he does. He seems to be able to read every little emotion of her face. 

"Something wrong?" He asks.

Rey puts some distance between them, suddenly unsure if approaching him was the best idea. She doesn't know him that well, but she could easily surmise that he isn't all that sociable and he may not want the social interaction she just forced on him. 

"Rey…" _Why_ does her name have to sound so good coming from his mouth?

She makes a sound that is somewhere between a frustrated sigh and a disgusted growl, and says, "I just - I should probably be getting back to Kaydel and Rose…"

Something flashes across his face, something maybe like disappointment, but it's gone too quickly for Rey to properly analyze. He gives one of those quick, perfunctory nods of his and looks away. "Sure, of course. Good to see you." 

He gets back onto his stool and turns his attention back to the room at large, seemingly people watching.

Rey turns to go, squeezing her way back through the crowd to stand at Rose's elbow as she takes a tequila shot. Her friend notices her finally, and after recovering from the shot, she asks, "Where have you been? Have to go to the restroom already?"

Rey shakes her head and determinedly doesn't look in Ben's direction. "Saw Ben Solo so I just went to say 'hi'."

Rose perks up at that and looks around. "Oh, my God, is he dressed up? Because that would be epic…"

Rey laughs. "Umm, no. You should know better than that."

Rose looks disappointed for a second, then eyes Rey knowingly. "Why did you come back over here? Was he rude to you?"

"No, no. Not at all."

Rose is still staring at her and a grin creeps up on her face. "Then why are you not trying to soften up that big, beautiful boy? He looks like he could use some softening up…"

"Gross," Rey says, in a tone she hopes is convincing.

"Oh, please. I've seen the way you look at him."

Rey's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "Oh? And how is that?"

Rose smirks. "Like you want to take a bite out of him."

“Like you want to climb him,” Kaydel chimes in, turning to Rey just so she can waggle her eyebrows suggestively.

Rey’s face flushes, but she does her best to glare between her two friends as though their observations are the most ridiculous, abhorrent ideas in the universe. 

Rose's grin gets even wider and she winks at Rey. "It's okay, your secret is safe with us. Although...it's not a very good secret if everyone else…"

"Okay!" Rey interrupts, spinning on her heel. "Going to the restroom now."

She squeezes through the crowd, not taking any time to admire the costumes. She feels hot all of a sudden and her beer is doing little to cool her down. She pushes through the restroom door and places her beer on the vanity. Hands planted on the counter, she gives herself a once over. 

She's definitely got a blush taking over her entire face.

How do Rose and Kaydel know? Is it that obvious?

She admitted to herself a while back that she thinks Ben is _very_ attractive. Something about the combination of the amazing hair, the deep set, dark eyes, the full mouth, and the broad shoulders just…. _does_ things for her on some basic level that she's not exactly proud of.

But now that she knows other people have noticed how she looks at him, it makes her wonder if _he_ has noticed. The color in her cheeks darkens as she considers what he probably thinks about _that_.

For one, he's around a decade older than her and probably thinks she's childish and airheaded, fresh out of college and ignorant to the ways of the world.

Of course, she's _not_ ignorant to the ways of the world - she has, in fact, had a very difficult life - but he doesn't know any of that and probably doesn't care.

Also, Ben Solo has this _way_ about him, a certain way he carries himself that hints at high class. And Rey -well, she's done well for herself, truly, but as one of her college boyfriends reminded her once - she will always carry that hint that indicates she was once destitute. 

It's in the way she has to account for every cent she earns and spends. It's in the way that her clothes come from clearance racks and Good Will stores, even now. It's in the way that the furniture in her apartment is old and ugly and doesn't match. She's not ashamed of it, not at all.

But _he_ probably would be.

And _why_ is she even thinking about a situation in which Ben would be in a position to judge her furniture? When would he ever come to her apartment? 

She's obviously losing her mind.

And while she's thinking of all the ways that being attracted to him is a bad idea, she may as well add to that that he's an asshole. Even though a distant voice in the back of her mind insists that at least some of his annoying fuckery is him trying to tease her, it doesn't change the fact that he was _definitel_ y an asshole that first time she dealt with him in court. 

Rey turns on the faucet and tears a paper towel from the dispenser. Once wet, she pats at her face and her neck, hoping to cool down from the blush she’s been sporting for the past several minutes. With a heavy sigh, she tosses the towel and pushes out of the restroom, back into the crowded bar. Just as the narrow hallway leading from the restrooms begins to open, her path is blocked by a young man - probably around her age - wearing a Batman costume. 

Rey smiles politely and says, “Excuse me,” as she tries to go around the guy.

He steps in front of her again, blocking her path and grinning down at her. “Whoa, there, where are you going?”

_Great,_ Rey thinks, realizing that the guy has intentions to hit on her. But really, she just isn’t in the mood. “Back to my friends,” she answers, as politely as she can. She moves to the other side to try stepping around him again, and again, he blocks her path.

“I can be your friend,” he says, leaning into her space. She thinks she might even see him wink beneath his mask.

Rey rolls her eyes. “Listen, I’m not really interested in making new _friends_ at the moment…”

“Wow, you don’t have to be such a rude bitch,” the guy is still in her space, but now he isn’t smiling.

Rey, completely done with the whole situation, goes to move to her left, but when the guy goes to block her path again, she ducks back to her right and squeezes past him, his drunken reflexes clearly no match for the quick movement. She only makes it two steps before she feels fingers wrapping around her upper arm and jerking her back around. Her mouth falls open, stunned at the absolute gall of this idiot.

“I wasn’t done with you-” he begins.

“You’re done now.”

And she already liked his voice, thought the rich, deep tones of it were something she might like to hear early in the morning as he surrounded her, but _now_ \- now it is literally the voice of the man coming to her rescue. She’s never been the damsel in distress type, knows for certain that she could take care of this clown herself, was in fact seconds from kneeing him in the balls - but there is something quite nice about having someone to jump in and defend you.

Ben is looming over the other guy, taller by probably half a foot. His dark eyes flash in warning as frat boy Batman releases Rey’s arm. He looks a little alarmed as he takes in Ben - all six feet, three inches of him - but he’s clearly not very bright because in the next second he puffs out his chest and juts out his chin and gives Ben a second once-over, this time schooling his features into something more unimpressed.

“And who the fuck are you, her boyfriend?” The guy asks.

Rey thinks he’s going to answer in the affirmative, thinks that this is going to be one of those fake dating things that shuts this guy up and she is a little thrilled at the idea. But Ben shakes his head, even as his jaw clenches and his lip trembles a little.

Oh, he’s pissed. Rey can feel it rolling off him in waves. Her eyes bounce between Ben and frat boy Batman, wondering exactly how nasty this confrontation is about to get.

“You her babysitter then?” The guy laughs.

“No,” Ben answers, and while his tone is calm, his body language is...less so. Rey gets the feeling that Ben may spring on this dummy at any moment and she has the sudden urge to tug at his arm and pull him away.

“Then I suggest you back the fuck up,” frat boy Batman stupidly decides to jab his index finger into Ben’s chest.

Ben looks down at it dispassionately before fixing his eyes back on the masked menace. Then, quicker than Rey imagined someone as big as Ben could move, he’s got the man’s index finger in his grip, squeezing and _bending_ and frat boy Batman’s mouth falls open as he goes to his tiptoes.

“AH, AHHHH,” the guy whines.

Ben is practically vibrating with tension, his jaw working as he stares down into the shorter man’s face. He bares his teeth and says, “Plan on touching anyone else?”

The man shakes his head quickly, his mouth still open in shock, his finger bending toward the back of his hand. 

“In case you’re tempted to,” Ben says, and now his voice is low, nearly a growl as he bends down to get closer to the man, “I’d suggest you leave. How does that sound?”

The man nods frantically. Ben lets go and the man backs away, bumping into a couple, and hastily muttering an apology before picking his way through the crowd, clearly headed for the exit.

And Rey just stares in open shock at Ben, whose breathing is a bit labored. His dark eyes flick to her. “You okay?”

She raises her brows. “Yeah, I’m good. Are _you_ okay?”

“Of course,” he says in a clipped tone, looking over her head, presumably to make sure Batman is still hightailing it for the exit.

“You know, I could’ve handled that…”

“I know,” Ben says, looking back to her. 

“I’m not some damsel in distress…”

“I’m aware,” Ben says impatiently. “I’m sure you were perfectly capable of putting him in his place. That doesn’t mean you should have to,” he adds in a grumble, his eyes flitting away from her.

Despite not having _needed_ him though, Rey feels all warm inside from his protective gesture, even though he has no reason to be protective. She waits until his eyes slide back to her face before she smiles and breathes out, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he gives a nod and turns around, clearly headed back to his corner.

“Wait, Ben,” she hurries after him.

He glances over his shoulder, brows lifted expectantly.

Rey chews on her lip, unsure of what she wanted to say, just knowing she didn’t want him to walk away. “How about I thank you by buying you a drink?”

He frowns slightly, opens his mouth and she just knows he’s going to refuse - but then, his face clears a little and he meets her gaze, then gives one nod. “Okay.”

*

As it turns out, Ben isn’t drinking alcohol tonight, for whatever reason. And he doesn’t indulge in soda, so Rey buys him an iced tea. She feels a bit lame doing so, but he seems to legitimately enjoy her company, even after he’s finished his boring drink.

Because there are no more vacant barstools, they have retreated to a dark corner of the bar, sitting at a small table where they can observe the shenanigans of all the ghosts, and ghouls, and sexy-whatevers. Ben isn’t impressed by anyone’s costume it seems, so Rey teases him for being a spoilsport. At some point, the chairs that started on opposite sides of the small table are pushed closer together against the wall, the two of them sitting so close that their knees bump every so often.

Rey only orders one more alcoholic drink after her beer, a fruity concoction that has Ben making a disgusted face when he sees it come out.

“How do you drink this shit?” He asks, leaning over to sniff at the contents of her glass.

“Because it’s delicious and I like sweet things.”

“Not a fan of sugar,” he mumbles, glaring at the glass.

She doesn’t know what possesses her to do it - maybe it’s the fact that she’s had just enough alcohol to make her bold, or maybe it’s just that she’s definitely a little bit into him - but she leans over and plants a loud kiss on his cheek.

Ben’s head whips around so fast that he almost gives _her_ whiplash. She blinks at him as he stares at her and gives him a sheepish grin.

“Still not a fan of sugar?” She has no idea where this flirty version of herself is coming from. She snickers at her little joke and she’s about to apologize to him because she probably overstepped, tell him she’s sorry for teasing him. She opens her mouth to assure him she was joking, to gently ask for forgiveness and hope she’s acting cute enough right now to pull it off -

When he leans into her space and presses his mouth to hers. And holy shit, his lips are even softer than they look, and he tastes delicious, and _why are her eyes still open?_ They flutter closed as she meets his mouth, pulling that plump bottom lip of his between hers. Then his hand comes up to her face, his thumb running along her jaw, and Rey sighs into his mouth.

When he pulls away, he looks a little guilty. He looks like he wants to say he’s sorry, but his hand is still on her face, so she brings up her own hand to touch the back of his, to make sure he doesn’t move it. She’s not drunk, not really even tipsy, but she is fairly certain that Ben is about to say something along the lines of he shouldn’t have done that with alcohol involved.

“I wanted you to,” she says, and it sounds a little dumb, because Ben hasn’t actually said anything yet.

He quirks a brow at her and she shrugs her shoulders. “I wanted to kiss you,” she says again, sitting up straighter on her stool. Then, “Did-did you want to kiss me?”

“Absolutely,” he mumbles, his eyes going immediately to her lips. “I’m not usually a fan of PDA.”

Rey smirks at him. “Well, apparently you weren’t a fan of _sugar_ either, but I seemed to have changed your mind.” And her retort is corny and maybe a little childish, but what it does to Ben makes her _really_ glad she said it.

His mouth spreads into a smile - not a close-lipped smirk - a full blown smile, and she’s momentarily struck by how beautiful it is. He’s all slightly-crooked, bright white teeth and squinted eyes, and her heart trips in her chest and she suddenly wants to kiss him again _really bad_.

So she does.

She leans back into him, wanting another taste of that mouth. And she's never felt like this when kissing someone before. She's never felt so light and giddy and like she's on the verge of something monumental. Her fists curl into the material of his shirt as she runs her tongue along the seam of his lips. He opens with a low groan and something electric lights her blood on fire with that sound. 

She is pressing into him to the point that she can tell the nerd glasses she wears are digging into his cheek, but she can't stop now. One of his hands has found its way to her nape and toys with the hair there. Every little touch he offers sends shivers through her body. How is it that he has this kind of effect on her?

When they finally pull apart again, his eyes are darker than she's ever seen them and she wants more than anything to get him out of this bar, take him home with her and let whatever happens, happen. She's not sure she's ever physically wanted someone so much and all he's done is kiss her.

She’s about to open her mouth and ask him to leave with her, suggest they get out of here and find someplace more quiet, when someone approaches their table with purpose, causing Ben to spring away from her.

She’s tall - taller than Ben - with platinum blonde hair and legs _for days_ that are clearly on display in her Wonder Woman costume. She tuts and says to Ben, “There you are. Where have you been this whole time?”

Ben gestures vaguely to Rey and opens his mouth to say something, but the statuesque blonde woman beats him to it, and says, “I’m ready to go if you are.”

And it clicks then. All the little pieces that didn’t fit together earlier - Ben being in a crowded bar when he so clearly didn’t want to be, Ben attending a costume party without dressing up, Ben _not_ drinking -

He’s here with a woman. A _beautiful_ woman, who has apparently been partying and has only just noticed Ben’s absence.

Rey frowns. No. She noticed he’d been gone, hadn’t she? Asked where he’d been the whole time. And here he sits, in a dark corner, with another woman…

  
_I’m the other woman_.


	5. She's just the girl for me, and I want all the world to see we've met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstandings and clearing the air.
> 
> And dates, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title is from "I've Just Seen a Face" by the Beatles
> 
> This chapter got a little longer than what I meant for it to, so...sorry? Ben's POV got away from me at the end.

Rey springs up from her seat, startling Ben and the literal Amazon standing before her. They both look at her - the woman curiously and Ben in confusion, as though his brain hasn’t caught up to what is happening.

“I-I’m sorry,” Rey says, straightening her spine as she pointedly looks the other woman in the eye - or tries to. She really is ridiculously tall. “I didn’t know - I didn’t mean to keep him away.”

She hazards a glance at Ben, whose eyes have gone wide as saucers. 

“Wha- Rey, no, it’s not-”

“I gotta go,” she says, and takes off before she can collapse from embarrassment. She makes it perhaps five steps before her temper stops her in her tracks and makes her spin back around to the couple, both eyeing her now with bewilderment.

“You,” she hisses at Ben, “are just as big an asshole as I thought you were.” She’s yelling now, wanting to make sure he hears her over the crowd and the music, and several people have stopped to watch the show. “And scum to boot!” She’s so mad she could spit, wants to just show him what she thinks about his kissing when he was supposed to be here with another woman. 

She’s so irate that she doesn’t even process the look on Ben’s face, or that of his date. She wants to say more, but people are watching her in amusement now and, while she’s not exactly embarrassed yet, she knows she will be if she keeps screaming like a maniac. She turns around again and pushes through the throngs of people, stomps past where Kaydel and Rose are dancing, and slams open the front door of the bar, stepping out into the chilly night air.

That’s when she feels the traitorous tears burning her eyes. She notices that she’s getting a few looks and irrationally wants to explain that she’s not crying because she’s _sad_ , she’s crying because she’s _pissed_ , but these strangers don’t give a shit, so she just walks to the curb and takes a seat, dropping her head into her hands.

Truthfully, she’s more embarrassed than hurt. Or at least that’s what she keeps telling herself. She has never been _that_ girl, the girl that would come between a man and his significant other, can’t stand the _thought_ of it, really. And there’s the whole matter of Rey realizing that she actually _likes_ Ben - or, well, she _liked_ him - before his girlfriend showed up. Rey doesn’t find herself interested very often. She’s been too busy most of her life to worry with relationships, so mostly she just avoids it. But Ben - she doesn’t even know what it is about him. He definitely has a history of being a complete ass. But Rey concedes that she also saw his sweet side. And he’s intelligent, which has pretty much always been high on Rey’s list of priorities for guys she’s interested in. 

And yeah, he’s really attractive. Like, _can’t keep her eyes off him_ attractive. She never thought she’d be _that_ girl either - the kind who goes soft for a pair of pretty eyes. And a pretty mouth. And perfect hair. And broad shoulders. And a smile to-

Okay, she’s getting away from herself here. 

She’s torn away from her ruminations on her recent life choices when her phone buzzes. Her friends are blowing up the group text.

**Kaykay: where r u my lil nerd?? Last thing I saw u were with sen bolo an now i cant fin du**

**Kaykay: wait. Ben sool**

**Kaykay: Fack. Solo**

**Kaykay: HA! Got it riht**

**_Rosie: where u at babe? Need me to rescue u? U kno i can_ **

_Rey: I’m fine. Just outside grabbing some fresh air_

**_Rosie: REY! POE IS HERE AND HE JUST TOLD US U WERE SUCKING FACE WITH BENN SOLO_ **

_Rey: Why can neither of u spell ben’s name? It’s not hard._

**Kaykay: WERE U OR WERE NOT U KISSINNG BNE???? I NEED TO KNO**

**_Rosie: POE SWORE ON HIS LIFE THAT U LET BEN STICK HIS TONGEUE DOWN UR THRORT_ **

_Rey: What’s a tongeue? What’s a thrort?_

**Rosie: STOP REFLECTIN REY!**

_Rey: U mean deflecting?_

**Kaykay: REY I NEED DETAILS BABY BEN IS SOOOO EFFIN PRETTTY MEAN BUT PRETTTTYYY PLZ BABE PLZ**

**Kaykay: WAIT HE LLOKS LIKE HE IS LEAVING. THERES A WOMAN WIT HIM. REY!**

Rey sighs heavily and puts her phone in sleep mode, knowing that her friends are probably about to burst out of those doors at any moment. Most likely, she realizes with a cringe, seconds behind Ben. A few seconds later she can hear the distinct sound of his deep voice, though she can’t tell what he’s saying. He hasn’t seen her thankfully, as she’s relatively hidden sitting low on the curb between two cars. The woman is carrying on a pleasant conversation with him and she listens to them until their voices fade.

Apparently, his girlfriend either missed the kiss or is used to her boyfriend being a lip whore.

Rey isn’t so lucky when Kaydel and Rose finally come out. They find her pretty quickly for two drunk chicks. They squeeze to either side of her.

“Sooo,” Kaydel is playing with the top of one of her bunny ears. “Was that his girlfriend?”

Rey shrugs. “Probably. Did you see her?” Rey snorts, remembering the height and the legs and the striking features. “She looked like a supermodel which seems exactly like the type he’d go for.” She turns her head from Kaydel to Rose, giving them suspicious looks. “The two of you have worked with him for longer than I have, but neither of you knew?”

Rose cuts her eyes to the side. "You started, what, back in June? Well, so did he. We only knew him before you did because you spent your first three months confined to the office. All we know is that he's fresh out of law school and covering Luke Skywalker's cases….well, at first that's what he was doing, but now I think he's been appointed new ones in court and taken on new clients privately…" Rose shrugs. "Don't know a thing about his personal life."

"Except he's hot," Kaydel supplies.

"Right," Rey grumbles.

"I'm sorry, Rey," Rose rubs at her back. "I can't believe he had the balls to do that with his girlfriend in the vicinity."

"Guys are scum," Kaydel says. "But hey - at least you found out before going any further, right?"

"Right," Rey says, though it hardly makes her feel better. 

*

Ben has a terrible couple of days.

All he can think about is Rey. 

He’s beyond frustrated with her, of course, because she had misread the situation with Phasma in the worst of ways. The thought of him actually dating Gwen Phasma is laughable. They’re a bit too much alike, for one thing. Both a little too snippy and emotionally constipated to deal with one another that way. He had only been trying to do Phasma a favor. His friend’s own harsh demeanor hadn’t helped the situation when she had shown up and demanded to leave. Apparently she’d seen her ex and had decided enough was enough, not really caring that Ben was in the middle of...something.

She’s apologized a dozen times now, and Ben has assured her it’s fine. Rey, he’s learned, is quick-tempered - a lot like he is, really, and he surmises that nothing is going to change her mind until she calms down. 

Ben has no way to contact her over the weekend. He doesn’t have her phone number and he has no social media. It’s the longest two days of his life. He knows that he will see her in court Monday afternoon, and he has no idea how to approach her without causing a scene.

He contemplates dropping by the DA’s office before court, or during lunch, or after court, but - he would really rather not do this anywhere near where she works. He even considers just letting it go, letting her think whatever she wants to think because _she_ is the one who jumped to conclusions about his relationship with Phasma. The part of him that has always been an asshole thinks that he doesn’t owe her an explanation because he hadn’t actually done anything wrong.

But a new, weaker part of him that finds himself thinking about this stubborn, quick-tempered, infuriating woman too often insists that he really needs to find a way to clear the air.

If only he can find a way to do it without causing her to yell at him again.

*

Monday morning in court is blessedly Ben-free. Rey doesn't think she can face him just yet without wanting to claw his eyes out. She and her coworkers have their usual long lunch - this time at a sandwich shop, and Rey is just glad to be halfway done with Monday by the time they stroll back into the courtroom for the 1:30 docket.

But of course - _of fucking course_ \- Ben would be here, sitting at the middle table just below the judge's bench, his files scattered around him, clearly having been assigned to the inmates _again_. 

Rey freezes as soon as she and Kaydel walk through the side door leading into the courtroom and she feels her friend squeeze her wrist.

"I can't deal with him," Rey whispers through gritted teeth.

"I've got you, babe," Kaydel says, moving forward to go deal with Ben.

The transport deputies come in a few minutes later with inmates, and Rey, having nothing to do until the 2:00 docket, plops down into a seat near the jury box. Her favorite transport deputy notices immediately that her mood is off.

"Monday blues?" Finn asks her as he guides the inmates to sit in the jury box.

"Something like that," Rey mumbles.

Finn looks around the courtroom, trying to be nonchalant, but Rey knows better.

"Just you and Kaydel today?" He's doing a valiant job of pretending he's actually concerned about where the rest of her coworkers are, but she's aware there's one in particular he's really asking about.

"Rose had to run to the clerk's office," Rey says, cutting her eyes at him to watch his reaction.

"Ah, so she'll be in here later?"

"Mmhmm," Rey bites back a grin. "And I know you don't really care, but Jannah and Jess are getting the files together for the rest of the afternoon. "

Finn's head snaps around to look at her, his eyes comically wide. "Oh, right, well. So they'll be here later too. Good." He sniffs and looks away, obviously trying to play it cool. 

Rey kind of wants to tell Finn to just ask her out, or maybe mention to Rose that she has an admirer because she seems oblivious to the fact that Finn is crushing hard. But Rey has a strict policy about nosing around in her friends' love lives, so she decides to let it go.

Rey does her level best to avoid looking at Ben as the afternoon drags on. But she feels his eyes on her and the asshole isn't even trying to be subtle. When she looks up to catch him staring, there is no quick turning away by him. He just holds her gaze, alternately looking contemplative and confused. 

Rey just glares at him coldly and turns away whenever it seems like he's opening his mouth to say something. 

After court, Rey tells her coworkers they can leave, and she offers to stay in the office and separate the files based on what needs to be done the next day. It takes her nearly an hour to pull everything off the carts and organize them. It's just after 5 o'clock when she finishes up and finally heads out, bidding goodbye to the security guard as she climbs off the elevator. 

She pulls her coat tighter around her as she steps out of the courthouse, shivering a little in the chilled evening air. She takes three steps before she realizes that someone has hopped up from the bench just outside the courthouse door. 

"You," she growls as he catches up to her.

Ben gives her an exasperated look. "Yeah, me. Listen, Rey…"

"No, no, I don't think I will," she shakes her head for added effect, stepping away from him to put more distance between them. "I don't have anything to say to you - well, nothing _nice_ , and I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

She can see his jaw working and those dark eyes flash in anger, and she is _appalled_ that he's aggravated with _her_ when he's the one…

"You want me to tell you I'm sorry for kissing you? Is that it? I'm not. Besides, you kissed me first…"

"I kissed you on the cheek!" She hisses at him. "Big difference!"

"Well, the _second_ time you kissed me wasn't as innocent, but I suppose we're pretending that didn't happen," he snarls.

"Exactly! Kind of like you were pretending you didn't have a date!"

And then he laughs at her. It's a _mean_ laugh, one with no humor. and Rey isn't sure if she wants to shove him hard in his stupid broad chest or cry. She's gearing herself up to call him some truly colorful names when he steps into her space, throwing her off kilter, making her brain blank out.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Rey, and _maybe_ if you didn't have such a quick temper, you'd have figured that out already."

"Oh, we're going to talk about my temper? What about _you_? Almost breaking someone's finger…"

"You weren't complaining about it when it happened."

"I didn't need your help!"

"Stop acting like a petulant child for _one fucking second_ …"

And maybe it's because she already feels a bit like a child around him, maybe it's because she _knows_ she still kind of likes him even though he's an asshole, maybe it has something to do with that insecurity she feels about being a few years younger than him - whatever it is, she snaps.

"Do _not_ call me a child!" She's chest to chest with him now, poking her finger into his chest much like frat boy Batman had. "How _dare_ you! _You're_ the one playing games! Showing up with a date - _girlfriend or not_ \- then sticking your tongue down my throat! That's high school bullshit if I've ever seen it!"

He doesn't grab her finger, though she's poking the hard muscle in earnest now. Instead, he bares his teeth, hands grabbing at her hips and pulls her to him. For a split second, she thinks he's going to kiss her, and her knee twitches a little, ready to be driven into his balls. 

But he just pulls her close to him, practically nose to nose. 

"If you would _shut up_ for one fucking second, you'd already know that I _wasn't_ there with a date."

She freezes in her efforts to twist away, tilting her chin up to look into his face, disbelief crossing her features. 

"What?" She hisses.

"Phasma wasn't my date," he tells her slowly, looking in her eyes as though he's trying to make sure she understands. "I was her designated driver. That's it."

Rey is completely still as she processes this information. There is still an instinct there that makes her want to jerk away from him and stomp off, but the logical part of her brain reminds her that she tends to jump to the worst conclusion first and _maybe_ she should examine the whole debacle a bit more closely.

The woman had _not_ seemed upset to find Ben hidden away in a dark corner with another woman. In fact, she'd just seemed…tired, maybe a little irritated. 

Ben releases her slowly, watching her face tentatively to see if she's going to bail. Rey meets his eyes, still wary. 

"You were her DD?"

Ben nods. "She's a friend of mine from law school. She has a personal injury firm in town. I actually live above the bar in a loft apartment and she called me -" he shrugs, taking a step back, seemingly trusting Rey to not stomp off now. "She asked if I'd drive her home so she wouldn't have to call an Uber, but when I went down, she decided she wasn't quite ready to go. So I hung around waiting on her, then you showed up…" He shrugs again, and the story makes sense and Rey feels a little like a dumbass 

"Oh," she says weakly, unhelpfully. She knows she probably - _definitely_ \- owes him an apology, but Rey's never been great at saying she's sorry. She's more than a little discombobulated - switching from indignant anger that he would dare speak to her to embarrassed contrition in such a short amount of time has left her head spinning.

"Right," he says, a little grouchily, but Rey figures he's allowed.

And it hits her suddenly that not only has she misread the whole situation, but she has completely fucked up her chance with someone she really _likes_. 

She backs away from him a few steps, the chill of the evening air creeping into her clothes now that she doesn't have her anger to keep her warm. She can't look at him now. And she's shocked to realize that she feels sad, feels like she's lost something before she ever had it.

She lingers because she _really_ should apologize. 

"Rey."

His voice finally draws her eyes to his face and whatever offense or anger or frustration that he wore moments ago has been replaced by something that looks a bit like pleading. 

"Sorry," she finally forces out and it's a truly pathetic excuse for an apology, but she's maybe a couple of seconds from turning tail to get out of there, so overcome with mortification, that it's all she can manage.

Ben doesn't seem deterred. He closes the space between them, towering over her so that she has to crane her neck back to look up at him. And he's all nerves now, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he watches her cautiously. 

Rey stands there, arms hanging at her sides, her breath frozen in her lungs as she looks up at him and _damn it_ , why does he have to be so handsome? She would've hoped the novelty might have worn off by now, but no, she's still left a little breathless by dark eyes and plush lips -

Lips that are lowering to hers. 

Her eyes flutter closed as he brushes his mouth against hers, so gently. His hands come up to wrap around her arms and he presses closer to her. Her own hands climb between them, lying flat against his chest as he kisses her sweetly, so different from the way he'd kissed her at the bar.

He pulls away without deepening the kiss any further and Rey wants to _whine_ at the loss. She's sure she's pouting a bit when she opens her eyes to look at him.

"Just so we're crystal clear," Ben says, "I'm not seeing anyone. But I'd like to be, so I hope you aren't seeing anyone either."

And it's so cute and borderline awkward how he broaches the subject that Rey can't help the smile that takes over her face.

"Just so we're clear," she says back, sounding a little breathless to her own ears, "are you asking me on a date?"

And that smile that she saw a bit of on Halloween night makes another appearance - beautiful and boyish - and he just says, "Yeah, something like that."

  
  


*****

They have lunch together every day that week.

After exchanging numbers, they text for hours after Rey gets home on Monday while Ben is working late at the office. 

But by Tuesday, despite the steady, easy conversation via text, Rey is nervous when she walks into the sandwich shop and sees him already at the counter ordering their lunch. 

He looks so good with his artfully tousled hair and dark tailored suit. Rey takes a moment to breathe and tries to squash the self conscious tendencies gnawing at her. The ones that tell her she isn't good enough for him, that if he knew her background that he would be gone in a second. He turns to her just as doubt starts to creep in and his dark eyes soften and his lips pull into a smile.

The tension leaves her body and she returns his smile, her feet moving toward him of their own volition. When she comes to stand at his side, his hand moves to her lower back. It spans almost hip to hip.

Rey _really_ likes it.

As they sit across from one another, Rey finally feels relaxed enough to ask him what's been on her mind since he kissed her yesterday. 

"So when did you decide you liked me?" She poses the question with a smile, trying to make it seem like it's no big deal. He doesn't really know her yet though, and she hates the thought that maybe he'll realize she's not what he's expecting and then bail on her.

"Almost immediately," he tells her, then pauses, makes a face and says, "The second time we worked together is probably a fair answer. The first…." He shrugs. "You looked beautiful and I noticed, but…"

Rey leans forward, unable to hide the smirk on her lips. "But you what?"

His dark eyes flick to her face and he looks contrite. "I was an asshole. Too much of an asshole to appreciate who I was working with. The second time…" His lips quirk and his eyes crinkle as he looks at her. "You were just so aggressive and quite good at negotiating. The way you fought for your client was...admirable."

Rey sits back, blinks in confusion. _Is he complimenting me?_

"And you were still beautiful," he adds, "Even when it was obvious you wanted to rip my head off. So that's when I knew."

Rey polishes off her sandwich and looks at him thoughtfully, wondering if he's going to ask her the same question, wondering even more how she will answer. Because she has no idea when things shifted between them, when she went from wanting to strangle him to wanting to kiss him. The whole thing has been so seamless that she's not sure how to answer.

Thankfully, Ben doesn't ask, just continues eating and they fall into a silence, which leaves Rey a bit too much time to think some more.

He'd called her beautiful. _Twice_. It isn't something that guys have tossed around a lot in her presence and Ben's just done it so casually - it makes her worry a little. Does he really think she's beautiful or is it something he says frequently to women he is interested in? Rey knows that there are plenty of men out there that will use sweet words to get what they want, only later to prove how insincere they are. 

It's this logic that convinces her that they definitely need to get to know each other better, which leads to lunch dates the rest of the week.

Wednesday Ben meets her at the courthouse and they walk to an Italian restaurant a couple of blocks north. The great thing about working downtown is the plethora of food options within walking distance. 

Rey learns that Ben is...touchy. At least with her. He has no qualms about guiding her with a hand at the small of her back or taking her hand as they enter the crosswalk or pushing hair away from her face. Then, even when they are eating, he reaches across the table, his thumb rubbing at her wrist or his foot bumping hers under the table.

Rey likes it. Like, _a lot_. She's never been touched so much and she never thought she'd enjoy it, but it's nice to feel cared for. And by the end of her lunch break, she finds that she's starting to mimic him - reaching out to touch him too, for no other reason than she wants to. 

On Thursday, Ben is busily working, so Rey brings him lunch at his office. She tries to leave after delivering his food because she knows he's busy, but he catches her by the wrist as she's sneaking away and insists that she stays. She watches him as she eats, poring over a file as he takes careful bites of the salad she brought him.

"You're such a proper eater," she tells him, half teasing. "I'm over here, stuffing my face and you're as prim as can be."

He rolls his eyes. "Not all of us can practically inhale our food and still look cute doing it."

Her face goes a little hot, but she grins at him widely, just before taking a huge bite of her own salad.

On Friday, they're back at the Mexican restaurant, this time together. 

Rey has started picking up things about Ben that aren't immediately obvious at the first glance. Ben isn't overly friendly. Rey had thought it was because he was a bit snobbish, but she's realizing now that it's actually anxiety _._

She can see it in the way he tenses if people get too close to him; in the way he gets fidgety when he thinks they are running late; the way he runs his trembling hands through his hair if someone tries to make conversation with him.

He's not an asshole - or rather, not as _much_ of an asshole as everyone thinks he is. He's anxious, but he refuses to let on - trying to live as normal a life as possible and he covers up that anxiety by playing up his asshole tendencies.

Rey wants to let him know she's onto him, but she doesn't know if her observations into his psyche would be welcome. So she does what she can to soothe him. When she sees his hands balling into fists, she takes his hand. When she sees the clench of his jaw, she runs her hand in gentle circles between his shoulder blades. The gestures are small, but she delights when she sees how he relaxes slightly under her touch.

_Not such a bad boy after all, are you, Solo?_

*

She’s been looking at him differently - and not the mildly interested but still wary looks she was giving him prior to this week, but something softer and fonder. 

It makes Ben think that maybe he’s doing something right for once in his life.

It makes Ben think that he’s always seconds away from fucking it up.

It’s been an eventful week and he feels like he knows her a little better. He’s found out she’s fiercely loyal to her friends. She talks about them all the time and Ben lets her.

It’s not as though he has many friends he can talk about and he imagines talking about Phasma so soon after the misunderstanding is probably not the best decision. Poe used to be his friend, but their personalities have clashed too often and now all they do is get on one another’s nerves. And he’s definitely not ready to tell her about his family, though he does let it slip that Luke Skywalker is his uncle. 

She doesn’t mention her family at all either.

Friday night, Ben is working late, but he’s also got Rey on speaker phone, asking her random questions he hasn’t really thought about yet. He asks what year she graduated college and when she tells him _this_ year, he sits up straighter in his chair.

“How old are you,exactly?”

She snorts softly. “Twenty-two. Bit obvious, isn’t it?” She pauses. “Not that graduating at an older age is _bad_...:”

Ben groans. He’s not sure why he hasn’t put it together. She _looks_ young. But he somehow pegged her more around twenty-six, which is more acceptable. 

“Ben?”

He clears his throat. “And...you know how old I am, right?”

Rey is quiet for a few seconds. “Twenty-five, twenty-six?”

Ben falls back to slouch in his chair, eyes rolling toward the ceiling, and squinting, wondering if he’s about to mess this up. He can’t lie about his age though.

“Ben?” She prompts again, sounding a little worried.

“I’m thirty-two, Rey,” he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, waiting for her horrified gasp at the ten-year age difference.

“Oh,” she says, though it’s not a horrified ‘oh’ - it sounds more mildly surprised. 

“Listen, if the age thing is going to be a problem, I understand. I didn’t know - I thought _you_ were older...:”

“Oh, no,” she interjects, quickly cutting him off. “The...your age doesn’t bother _me_ . Unless...do you have a problem with _mine_?”

Ben considers it for a moment. He supposes it doesn’t make much difference, especially now that he’s already so invested in whatever is going on between them. If Ben had known before that she was _that_ young, he might not have made as much effort to pursue her. She certainly seems more mature than twenty-two.

“No, not a problem at all,” he tells her.

He thinks he might hear a relieved sigh from the other end. “Good.”

“Now that that’s all cleared up, when can I take you on an actual date?”

“ _Actual_ date? What have we been doing all week? We’ve been on four dates this week.”

“Those aren’t real dates,” he mumbles.

“What else would you call them then?” She chuckles. “We went somewhere together, you held my hand, I let you pay sometimes...sounds like a date to me.”

“Yeah, but I never got to kiss you goodnight, and that’s important.” He’s trying to be funny while also flirting, but he’s not sure it comes off right.

“Hmm, are goodnight kisses _really_ essential for actual dates?” He can practically see her air-quoting ‘actual’.

“Yes,” he says, but doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t feel like it’s something up for discussion.

“When do you propose we go on an actual date then?” 

“Tomorrow,” he’s had the answer ready since he left her at lunchtime. He would’ve said tonight, but he has too many things to wrap up.

“Really? That soon?” She sounds surprised.

Ben’s just glad she can’t see his face because he guesses there’s more than a hint of mild panic. He’s pretty sure he could see her every night, just based on how their lunch dates have gone and how much he enjoys being around her. But maybe he’s coming on a little strong.

“If you have plans, then we’ll think of something else,” he rushes to tell her, and then he starts second-guessing himself. “That is, if you’re still interested….”

“Don’t be an idiot, of course I am,” she says, a bit loudly, then abruptly stops, as though maybe she said more than she meant to.

Ben knows he’s grinning stupidly down at the phone now, but it’s not as though anyone’s around to see him. “So...tomorrow? Sunday…? Tonight at midnight...since apparently that’s when I’m getting out of here…”

She laughs. “Tomorrow is fine, Ben. Do you have something fancy planned?”

“No, not at all,” he admits and she laughs again. He knows he isn’t that funny, which he thinks means she probably really likes him. 

They talk about what they can and what time he can pick her up as Ben puts his notes together for a case that’s in trial on Monday. When they finally hang up, Ben realizes that it’s nearly ten o’clock. They’d been on the phone for nearly two hours.

True to his word, Ben doesn’t finish up until nearly midnight and as he’s leaving the office, he gets the urge to call her again. It’s strange, how her voice has already become a source of comfort for him. He doesn’t call her though because no matter how much he likes the woman, he isn’t going to start calling her at unreasonable hours. He already suspects he may be a little too intense for her and he doesn’t want to drive her away.

“I’m in so much trouble,” he grumbles with one last glance at his phone where he’s absently opened up her contact. He exits out of his contacts list and heads home, wishing he were headed somewhere else.


	6. I know you get me, so I let my walls come down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very PG date and our babies unload some baggage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry
> 
> Also, there is no way this can stay ten chapters. I keep adding crap to what I've already got, so the chapter count will be adjusted at some point.

Rey is a mess of nerves all day on Saturday. She hasn’t had a proper first date since the summer before her senior year of college - nearly a year and a half ago at this point. And though that first date had gone well enough for a second date and that second date had gone well enough for a few hangouts with mutual friends, it had fizzled out before she’d started her last year of school. Then, Rey’s senior year had been so busy, and she’d been so focused on finishing up and graduating, that it hadn’t even occurred to her to date.

A few weeks ago, it had never occurred to her that she would have a first date with  _ Ben _ .

She tries to reason with herself that being nervous about this is ridiculous because, just as she argued to Ben, they have been on several dates this week already. And she feels like she’s learned a lot about him, though not in the sense that she knows his life history - he seems as reluctant as she is to open that can of worms - but in the way she has puzzled out that he has some anxiety, and that he likes to touch, and that there’s a definitely a soft side to him.

But those lunch dates were quick, hurried events where Rey knew that if something went awry, she could make a quick escape back to the office without it looking like an escape. She doesn’t know why she would  _ want _ to escape because the more time she spends with Ben, the more time she  _ wants _ to spend with him.

There’s a part of her that wants to go down that rabbit hole - imagine what it would be like if things progressed between them. There’s some instinct that tells her that Ben would be really good to her, that he would be completely devoted to her. She tries not to listen to that voice because what does she know about relationships? She’s never been in a  _ real _ one. The one boy she had gone steady with in high school had stuck around just long enough to get in her pants a couple of times before he bailed.

The few guys she dated in college hadn’t been a huge improvement.

But Ben isn’t some hormonal teenage boy or some college kid trying to snag every lay he can. He seems assured, like he knows what he wants out of life, and Rey doesn't think he would waste his time with all those kind-of dates during the week and  _ then _ follow them up with a weekend date if he thought this thing between them would result in a dead end.

So as Rey dresses and puts on her makeup, she allows her imagination free rein. She thinks about what this could be in a few weeks, a few months. Would he still be as affectionate as he seems now? If she spent the night with him, would he hold her as she slept? Would he kiss her when they woke the next day, morning breath be damned?

Rey is maybe slightly alarmed that she's already thinking about these things. She's sure that she's never devoted any time to it before - at least not with specific men. Ben is the first that's had a face in all the fantasies she entertains.

She's tearing apart her living room closet looking for a missing boot when a knock on her door startles her.

*

Ben maneuvers his Lincoln Navigator into one of the narrow spots in front of Rey's apartment complex. He barely has room to squeeze out of his door and he swears under his breath when he realizes that likelihood of someone hitting his car in this tiny parking lot. He has to walk sideways between his car and the van parked next to him just so he can make it to the sidewalk. 

He checks Rey's text again for the apartment number and surmises he's in the right place. The apartment complex is dated, but the grounds seem well kept and the buildings look presentable enough on the outside. 

Rey lives on the first floor and as he approaches, he can see her through her open patio door blinds, moving around what he guesses is her living room. Despite the fact that she is literally on the other side of the door, she doesn't immediately answer when he knocks. She's still moving around - he can hear her - but added to that is a muffled curse and a thump.

He's just about to call out to her through the door, wondering if she's hurt herself, when she throws open the door, looking a little breathless.

And gorgeous. 

So, so gorgeous.

She’s in a pair of those skinny jeans that show off slender, shapely legs with a soft grey sweater that hangs off one shoulder, baring smooth, tan skin and a smattering of freckles. She’s wearing a tan boot on one foot and...nothing but a sock on the other. Ben’s eyes snap back to her face and he raises a brow in question.

"I, um, sorry, I couldn't decide what shoes to wear," she says in explanation, wiggling her toes in her sock-clad foot. The sock has unicorns on it.

Ben’s lips twitch and he looks at her expectantly. It seems to occur to her that they’re just standing in her doorway, so she jumps back to usher him in.

“Let me just...find my other boot,” she says and heads off to what Ben suspects is her bedroom. He tries really hard not to think about following her and the things that could get up to in there. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he looks around at Rey’s small apartment.

She has a small, plaid loveseat and a beat up coffee table in her living room. The minimal wall space is covered with photos of her and who he assumes are her friends. There’s a bookshelf near the couch that has a variety of different kinds of books - everything from the Harry Potter series to  _ In Cold Blood _ to what look to be criminal justice textbooks. 

He takes him a couple of minutes to notice there’s no television.

The dining room is off to the right and Ben takes note of two small pumpkins. They haven’t been painted or carved and he wonders why they’re still just sitting on her table now that it’s passed Halloween.

Rey reemerges - this time wearing two boots - and gives him a sheepish look when she notices what he’s looking at.

“I ran out of time,” she shrugs. “Knowing me, they’ll probably end up being Christmas pumpkins.”

Ben chuckles and shakes his head. “Ready?”

*

Rey is pretty sure she’s never been in a car as fancy as Ben’s SUV. The seats are leather and  _ heated _ of all things, plus he has a built-in navigation system. The fanciest thing about Rey’s car is that it has power windows - the one she’d driven in high school had manual windows.

Rey’s mind goes back to her early ruminations about dating. She wonders if she should be talking more. Ben seems pretty content to stay quiet for now, but maybe he’s waiting on her to speak. Now that Rey thinks about it, Ben usually lets her do most of the talking. He’s actually a  _ really  _ good listener. 

It’s one more thing that she isn’t used to concerning her dates.

She steals a glance at Ben from across the car and wonders how long it’s been since his last first date. It can’t have been as long as hers. He looks positively  _ delicious _ and she can’t imagine that someone that looks like Ben wouldn’t take advantage of those good looks and date all the women he could.

And now she’s making herself feel bad. 

Rey chews on her lip as she contemplates just coming out and asking him if he does this often, and hell, they  _ are  _ supposed to be getting to know each other, right?

She takes a deep breath and looks over at him, pulling a smile on her face, adopting a teasing tone as she asks, “So how long has it been since your last first date? A week?”

It’s the wrong thing to say apparently because Ben whips his head around, his brows lowering as he scowls at her. “I told you Phasma wasn’t my date…”

_ Oh, fuck _ , Rey thinks, feeling heat rush to her face. That  _ had  _ been a week ago, hadn’t it? 

“Oh, right, I didn’t mean…” She turns back around in her seat, her face on fire. “I just meant that you seem like the type that would date a lot…”

That didn’t come out right either. She closes her eyes and she can practically  _ feel _ Ben’s stare boring into the side of her face.

“I’m not,” he says tersely and  _ of course _ she’s made him mad. 

Rey bites into her lip, willing herself to just shut up before she fucks this up any more. 

A minute or an hour could pass before Ben speaks to her again. “Why do I seem like the kind of guy that would date a lot?” He sounds troubled, like he thinks she implied he’s done something wrong.

Rey breathes in deeply and blows it back out in exasperation with herself. She peeks at Ben from the corner of her eye. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I just meant…”

Ben clears his throat, his eyes focused on the road, and says, “Yeah, I’d love to know what you meant.”

Rey twists her hands in her lap as she tries to put her thoughts into words that aren’t somehow insulting. “Well, you’re...you know..successful and smart and sweet…” She chances a glance at him. He’s giving her a curious look now, if still a bit skeptical. “And...come on, Ben - you’re a good looking guy. You could get any girl you wanted.”

Rey’s eyes drop to her lap. She’s inadvertently stumbled into territory that makes her examine her own insecurities. If he can get any girl he wants, what does that mean for Rey - the idiot who just insulted him not twenty minutes into their first date?

She startles a little when his hand suddenly covers the top of hers and squeezes. 

“This time, I did,” he says, his voice a low, deep rumble from across the car.

It takes her a minute to comprehend what he’s saying.

_ You could get any girl you want _ , she’d said.

_ This time, I did _ , he’d answered.

The butterflies are still there, but this time it has more to do with excitement than it does with nerves. 

*

The food at the restaurant Ben chooses is good - though too ridiculously expensive for Rey’s tastes. But she doesn’t complain when Ben orders a dessert that he’d seen her eyeing. Later, Rey won’t be able to remember what it’s called, but the fact that it involves a brownie, ice cream, and hot chocolate syrup is enough to make Rey’s mouth water.

The waitress definitely flirts with Ben, and Rey learns that maybe she’s a little bit territorial. 

She’d never known that about herself, but there it is.

At first she thinks that Ben is oblivious to the glances that the waitress keeps throwing his way. He gives no indication that he knows what’s going on. He’s polite, if a little short with her, and after he sends the waitress off with their settled check, he gives her a shrewd look across the table.

“What?” Rey asks, trying to keep herself from glaring in the direction of the waitress.

“You seem agitated,” he says. She can see the corner of his mouth working as he fights a smirk.

Rey sniffs. “I’m fine. I’m good. Why would you say that?”

Ben sits back in his chair and crosses his arms. He tilts his head as he regards her. “Are you jealous?”

Rey glares at him and he chuckles, looks off in the direction the waitress went before turning back to her. “Ready to get out of here?” He asks.

“Yes, please,” she mutters, ready to put the flirty waitress behind them.

Rey stands to follow him out. He takes her hand, and then leans down close to her ear. “For the record, she doesn’t stand a chance, sweetheart.”

Rey’s sharp intake of breath gets his attention and he looks down at her, and then realizes what he said. He looks a little sheepish, shrugs. “Ah, sorry-”

“I like it,” she says quickly, giving him a shy smile.

She’s never had a pet name before, always thought they were kind of stupid, and she can’t pinpoint exactly why her view on it has suddenly shifted.

But she definitely likes it.

“Where to now?” Ben asks after they’ve gotten back in the car. “If you’re ready to go home, that’s fine,” he adds quickly, looking a little uncertain. 

It’s another thing about Ben that she’s noticed. Most of the time, he seems confident in what he does, but there are times when she catches doubt flitting across his features, and it always seems to concern her.

“I’m not ready to go home,” she tells him, though she doesn’t have many ideas about what they could do. Bars are out of the question now that she knows Ben doesn’t drink - he’d mentioned that to her over lunch during the week when she asked if he frequented the bar he lived above. 

They sit there, thinking, and Rey worries that she’s failing at this somehow. Most of her dates in college had involved going to a bar, or a basketball game, or a house party, or maybe a movie. 

“Movie?” She suggests weakly.

“Hmm,” Ben looks thoughtful. “I don’t know of anything that’s playing, but we could watch something at my place. If you’re comfortable with that, that is…”

There it was, that uncertainty again.

“Are you asking me to Netflix and chill?” Rey teases, and then blushes all over because  _ where did that come from?! _

Ben huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “Just the Netflix part. I’ll take you home whenever you’re ready.”

Rey’s face is still hot as she nods her head. “Sounds good. Let’s do it.”

  
  


*

Ben watches her as she steps into his space, taking in his apartment with wide eyes. It  _ is _ a nice apartment. It’s got an industrial feel to it, with hardwood floors, bricks walls, and exposed beams running across the ceiling. A metal staircase leads up to his loft bedroom and three large windows overlook the main street.

"This is nice," she murmurs.

"It's a good location. Close to the office, close to the courthouse."

"Does the noise from the bar not bother you?"

Ben shakes his head. It's not that he can't hear it, but the sounds of live music and raised voices hardly phase him after living in Coruscant and he tells her as much.

"Do you miss it? Living in the big city?"

Ben frowns as he considers her question. "No, not really. It's loud and bright and even though I got used to it, it's still not the ideal place to live. If I ever go back I'm going to find a place outside town."

"Do you plan on going back?"

Ben shrugs, hoping that it's a noncommittal enough answer that she will grow bored of this conversation. He doesn't want to talk to her about him moving to Coruscant. It’s a potential mood-killer that he doesn’t want to risk.

She hums and moves on, plopping down on his couch and wiggling as though to test it's comfort. 

"Wow, this is nice," she grins. "No lumps, no board poking into my butt." Her smile fades a little. "You don't have any photos on the wall."

He shakes his head, but doesn't offer her any explanation. This definitely isn't the time to discuss his messy family history. 

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and looks like she wants to push further on the subject, maybe not because of the lack of photos, but because normal people talk about their families and Ben...well, he hasn't. 

But neither has she. 

Before she can start asking about his life history, Ben decides to take control of the conversation, he heads to the kitchen to retrieve drinks, and calls out, "Clearly you aren't from around here. What brought you to Alderaan?"

It seems like a simple enough question, but Rey doesn't immediately answer him. He heads back to the living room with their drinks and notices she looks a little tense. He hands her a cup and she takes a sip before offering an answer.

"Believe it or not, I’m actually American." Rey grins at Ben’s expression and he knows he must look dumbstruck. "My mother was American and my father was British. They met and fell in love while he was here as an exchange student. She graduated high school when I was about four months old and left for England. Found my dad, got married…” Her voice is whimsical as she trails off, but Ben can tell from the look in her eyes that she isn’t going to tell him it was a happy ending. He stays quiet, willing her to go on. 

Rey takes a deep breath, her eyes flicker nervously to his, but he keeps his expression neutral. “I guess they held it together as long as they could, but when it fell apart…” She shrugs, bites into her lip, gives a mirthless laugh. “I have no idea why I’m telling you this. It’s all a bit depressing for…”

“I want to know,” Ben tells her, and he reaches for her hand. “That is, as long as you want to tell me.”

She just looks at him for a few moments, hazel eyes bright, and he’s worried she’ll cry - not because it would make him uncomfortable, but because he  _ really _ doesn’t want her to be sad. But he also knows that whatever she is on the verge of sharing with him is heavy, something she keeps hidden from most people. And he wants to be the one she unloads on, the one she confides in. 

“They left me at a train station when I was six years old. I was in foster homes for a few weeks, and then they found my dad’s brother and I was placed with him. It wasn’t...a great situation. I was between his place and foster care until I was sixteen. My mum finally came back for me." Rey's smile is sad. "I was just so happy she came back for me, even after ten years. She brought me back to the States. We lived in Jakku…"

Ben's face must give away that he doesn't know where that is because Rey clarifies, "It's a little desert town in Arizona. Anyway, after a few months, I started feeling a little bitter about being abandoned as a small child. Add that to typical teenage hormones," Rey shrugs and takes a shaky breath. "We didn't get along. We fought constantly. I got out of there as soon as I could. Didn't go back home for Christmas my freshman year of college…" Rey trails off, biting her lip.

And Ben thinks maybe he has more in common with Rey than he realized. He has his own family issues and he thinks that if Rey can open up about the pain associated with her family, maybe Ben can share his with her.

Rey's eyes raise to his face and he sees she's not quite finished. "I didn't go home for Christmas," she repeats in a whisper, "and then she died in February. Drug overdose."

_ Shit _ , Ben thinks, regretting bringing this up at all, but he wants to know her and he guesses he would've found out at some point. She gives him a warning look, a look that cautions him against pitying her.

He doesn't tell her he's sorry because he guesses that she's tired of hearing empty apologies. Instead, he tells her quietly, but earnestly, "She missed out on you, Rey. Not just when you were a child, but now too. Her choices led her to miss out on you, not the other way around." 

He reaches for her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles, then slowly raises her hand to his mouth and brushes his lips across the back of her hand.

(He hadn't planned on pitying her anyway. Instead, he looks back at her calmly, waiting for her to either continue or change the subject.)

She blows out a shaky breath and gives him a small smile. "Sorry that was...depressing. I can't believe I just unloaded all of that on you," she shakes her head as if to clear it. "Anyway. What about you? Are you originally from Coruscant or is that just where you chose to go to school?" 

"Chandrila, actually. Moved to Coruscant for school, moved here to help out my uncle...my mother lives here now too though."

He could've left that detail out. He has no idea why he let it slip. He doesn't want to talk about his mother at all. 

"So, it is okay if I ask why it took you so long to graduate law school?" She asks tentatively, as though she thinks it might be a sensitive subject.

Ben's brows pinch together. "Three years is standard, really," he says.

"Oh, I thought-" now Rey seems confused. "Didn't you just graduate?"

Ben nods and then he realizes where she's going with this. "I, ah, was twenty-eight when I started law school. I had a career before that."

Rey's brows lift in interest and he fights a smirk as he watches her try to work out what he might've done before becoming a lawyer. She smirks back at him and there's an unspoken agreement that passes between them, and he knows she's about to start guessing.

She taps her chin playfully, pretending to be deep in thought. "Were you a...banker?"

He shakes his head.

"An accountant?"

"Apparently I look like I'd be in finance," he snorts softly. "But no."

"Teacher?"

That startles a real laugh out of him and he looks down, a bit shy, "Do I seem like the kind of person who'd do well with kids?"

She shrugs, a teasing smile playing at her lips. "I don't doubt your patience would be stretched every minute of the day, but I bet you'd be the teacher all the girls would have a crush on."

His brows shoot up to his hairline. "Oh, you think so?"

She blushes prettily and bites back a smile, bottom lip pulled between her teeth. "Just a guess."

He decides to take pity on her. "I have a degree in criminal justice," he tells her. "When I graduated, I worked in forensics. Comparing ballistics from crime scenes."

"I  _ also _ have a degree in criminal justice. That's so cool. So what made you change careers?"

It's a fair question, but it's not something that's easy for Ben to put into words. He doesn't think trying to explain to her that more was expected from him from his family, that working behind the scenes in a lab rather than in some flashy profession made his mother's nose wrinkle when she talked about it, is a good enough reason. So he goes to the reasons that Leia used when she finally talked him into doing something more.

"I suppose I needed more of a challenge," he shrugs. "And then there's the difference in income." Rey nods along, likely knowing the significant salary difference between a forensic technician and an attorney that charges hundreds of dollars an hour. A bit more quietly, he adds, "My mom practices law too."

"And your uncle," Reys says, regarding him with a knowing look. "So it's a family affair then."

"More than you know. My mom, my uncle, my maternal grandparents," he sighs.

"Not your dad though?"

Ben shakes his head, another smirk pulling at his lips. "No, not my dad. He was a truck driver."

"Ah, okay," she says mildly, but he can see the widening of her eyes, the expression that tells him that is probably the last profession she would've guessed. 

"He, uh, he still lives in Chandrila," Ben says, deciding that after Rey spilled her guts, he might as well too. "My mom left him after I went off to college.” 

Thankfully, Rey doesn’t give him one of those empty apologies either. She just nods, and for some reason, he feels safe enough with her to go on. There’s something about her that makes him want to open up and show her all the ugly rather than cover it up as he’s always done - not that he wants to reveal all the ugly  _ tonight _ , but he feels like he can talk a little about his parents.

Rey is waiting for him to continue, so he takes a deep breath. “My mom didn’t like the fact that my dad didn’t want to retire. Thought he should be home more. He could’ve retired a long time ago, but he always said he’d go crazy if he had nothing to do.” Ben chews at his lips anxiously, wondering if he should even bring up the next part. “I think maybe my mom wished he had a more glamorous career. They’ve always been so different. He’s old fashioned, a little set in his ways, and stubborn. She’s stubborn too, but their views on things are just so different.” Ben snorted a bit derisively. “I have no idea how they managed to make it last for twenty years.”

He suspects his leaving for college is why it completely fell apart though. He was no longer in the house to distract them from one another. The thought is a little depressing. “Okay, enough heavy shit,” Ben says, reaching for the remote. He pulls up his Netflix account. “So,  _ Tiger King _ ?”

Rey laughs and agrees, so they settle in to watch something ridiculous to take their minds off all the baggage they just revealed to each other.

*

It’s near midnight when Ben drops her back off at her apartment. He walks her to the door and part of her  _ really _ wants to ask him to come in, just as part of her  _ really _ wanted the ‘chill’ part of Netflix and chill to happen. But she doesn’t invite him in.

Instead, she stands in her doorway, delaying saying good night to him. Several times, Ben takes a step back as though he’s going to slip away, as though he’s worried she’s keeping him, but she says something to quickly draw him back. She doesn’t know how or why she’s gotten so attached to him so fast, but she’s utterly helpless to his draw at this point. 

When a huge yawn interrupts her mid-sentence, though, Ben gives her a pointed look. “I need to get going.”

She pouts a little. “Fine. Please be careful on your way home.”

“Will do,” he answers. He’s giving her a measured look, as though he has something else to say. Rey is on the verge of asking him to just spit it out, when he closes the space between them and takes her face in his hands.

His lips are so soft and the way he works his mouth against hers steals her breath. Her hands land on his chest and - if Ben wasn’t thoroughly distracting her, Rey would be able to better appreciate the firmness there - Rey rolls up on her toes to press further into the kiss. He pulls away too soon and she stifles a whine, her tongue swiping at her bottom lip to chase the taste of him. His eyes follow the movement, but then he closes them, and releases her, stepping back once again.

“Good night, sweetheart,” he says, giving her one of those boyish smirks before turning away.

“Night,” she whispers back, already knowing that when she finally drifts to sleep, she’ll dream of him.

She wonders what she can do to persuade him to see her tomorrow.


	7. I wanna be closer to you, let you under my skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey can't even wait a full day to see Ben again, so she takes him on a shopping trip.
> 
> And then back to her apartment where things gets a little heated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Love So Soft" by Kelly Clarkson

Ben wakes up early on Sunday, like always. He goes for a run, enjoying the near-silence of the downtown area at seven o’clock on a Sunday morning. As he runs, he replays every detail of the night before. 

He’s sure he’s never had a more perfect first date, even though maybe it wasn’t technically a first date, if Rey’s argument holds any weight. But it was different from the lunch dates because it wasn’t a middle-of-the-day, rushed meet-up that was cut short before he was ready to let her go.

Then again, he concedes, he hadn’t been exactly ready to let her go last night either.

He’s liked her since almost the moment he met her, but now he has new respect for her. She’s _strong_ , unbelievably so, to have gone through the things she told him and come out on the other side something other than cynical and unhappy and miserable. In fact, Rey seems to be the antithesis of all that - she smiles _so much_. Huge, toothy, dimpled grins that light up her eyes. And she’s accomplished so much all on her own. 

Frankly, Ben is in awe of her.

And for some crazy reason, she seems to like him.

Suddenly, he’s worried he’s going to fuck this up. That’s kind of what he does. Something good happens to him, someone gives him a chance, and he manages to destroy it. What he’s feeling now is telling him that Rey could very well turn out to be the _best_ thing that’s happened to him, and he wonders if that means the inevitable fuck up on his part will be even more spectacular.

After his run, he’s still stressed, still too keyed up to do anything except look for an outlet for the pent-up energy, so instead of going into his apartment, he heads to his gym. After an hour and a half of exercise, he’s considerably calmer. When he finally returns home, it occurs to him that he hasn’t had his cell phone in hours. The blinking light on his phone indicates he has notifications, but that’s nothing new. He’s always got a ridiculous amount of emails and usually texts from his parents or Luke. 

But when he checks his notifications, he does a double-take when he sees Rey’s name. 

She’d called once, and then texted twice.

**Rey Niima: So I was wondering if you might want to take a shopping trip with me? No pressure, I know I just saw you like, 12 hours ago…**

A few minutes later, she’d sent another.

**Rey Niima: Actually let’s pretend I didn’t send that first text. I swear I’m not trying to suffocate you. I’ll just...see you around. Sorry.**

Ben rolls his eyes and decides to call her. She picks up immediately, a tentative note in her voice. “Hi,” she practically squeaks.

“Hello,” Ben says, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice. “So, I’m not clear on what you actually want, ma’am. Do you or do you not want to see me for this shopping trip? Also, what are we shopping for? Groceries?”

Rey sighs heavily from the other end. “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take up all your free time…”

He stops her immediately. “No, please, take up all my free time. Take up my occupied time as well because honestly it’s nowhere near as fun.”

She chuckles softly. “Right - because my sob story last night was tons of fun.”

Ben hums, “Maybe not fun, but enlightening. So what are we shopping for?”

“Not groceries,” she tells him, and he can she’s delaying telling him a bit. 

Ben decides to tease her. “If it’s underwear, you can say so, Rey. I’m a grown man. I won’t make fun of you.”

She laughs again. “It’s not underwear! Actually, it might be more embarrassing. Not because of what it is, but because of the timing…”

Ben pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just tell me.”

“Christmas decorations?” She says it like it’s a question and startles a laugh out of Ben.

“It’s November.”

“Which is close to December…”

“What about Thanksgiving?” He protests.

“Ben,” she draws his name out in a little whine. “I’m not saying I’m going to put up the decorations now. I just need to buy some. I’ve never been able to afford them before and now I can, so…” She trails off and Ben imagines he can see her shrugging.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go Christmas shopping with you,” he grins into the phone, knowing that he would have agreed to anything she suggested. “I just need to shower and then I’ll be over.”

“Okay,” she says, and he thinks he can hear a smile in her voice. “See you then.”

*

Rey isn’t quite as nervous when Ben picks her up this time. She’d been nervous before, when she’d decided to send the text asking to see him not even a half a day after he’d left her house, but once he’d answered her, a lot of the stress had melted away.

Once they make it to the craft store, Rey browses the aisles, trying to decide what she wants. She takes a look at the large, artificial Christmas trees. Some of them are basic, some are pre-lit, some rotate and alternate between color lights and white lights, and some even play music. All of them cost a little more than what she needs to spend, unless she’s planning on buying _only_ a Christmas tree.

Her apartment is small, so she moves on to the tabletop Christmas trees, thinking she can put in on her bookshelf. Ben follows along after her, pushing her cart like a dutiful boyfriend.

She blushes when she thinks the word because he’s not _that_. Not yet anyway. But she realizes with a jolt of certainty that she wants him to be. She’s had exactly one date (okay, maybe like five dates), and she already knows. She avoids looking at him until she can make her brain calm down a little.

She picks out a four-foot white tree with white lights. It’s not really what she wants, but what she wants is a seven foot tall live tree that wouldn’t even fit in her apartment. Next, she moves onto the ornaments. 

Ben eyes the small tree, but says nothing as she compares box sets of small ornaments. She decides on a red and white striped set that reminds her of peppermint sticks, which she _loves_. 

“Do you have a tree?” She asks Ben as she looks at spools of ribbon, trying to decide on the pattern she wants for a bow to go on top of her tree.

“No. I haven’t had a Christmas tree since I lived with my parents,” he says.

Rey frowns. “Don’t you like Christmas?”

He shrugs. “Not one for the holidays.”

“Grinch,” she remarks. Though honestly, Rey has her own struggles with holidays. She _wants_ to love Christmas, she wants to be festive and decorate and learn to bake all sorts of goodies for holiday parties. But the fact is, she doesn’t have anyone to share it with. Perhaps that’s the reason she’d always looked forward to the holiday parties that her dorm held when she was in college. The two Christmases she’d spent with her mother after she’d taken her back to Jakku had been okay. It was the first time Rey had been able to have fun with baking and decorating a bit. Of course, that was overshadowed by the fact that she hadn’t spent her mother’s last Christmas alive in her company.

“Rey?” She looks up at Ben and sees he’s concerned, and she knows then that he’s gotten really good at reading her in a short amount of time.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, throwing a spool of ribbon into her cart. “I just...I want to love Christmas, but there’s just some things…” She trails off. He knows. She told him last night that she hadn’t spent Christmas with her mom her freshman year of college. 

“My mom loves Christmas,” Ben remarks, his eyes not meeting hers. “She’s always big on decorating and baking cookies and shit.”

Rey almost opens her mouth to tease him about how well she’d get along with his mom, but thankfully catches herself. Just because she’s already decided she’s willing to go down that path doesn’t mean that he is. She doesn’t want to scare him away. 

Instead, she asks as casually as she can, “Why don’t you like Christmas?”

Ben sighs deeply and shakes his head. “Because when my family gets together, there’s almost always a fight, and there’s been more fights on Christmas than I can recall at the moment. It was either me fighting with my mom or my mom fighting with my dad or my dad fighting with me...sometimes Uncle Luke joined in the fighting too and it was just...too much.”

Rey doesn’t say that she would take constantly fighting relatives over spending Christmas alone because that seems insensitive. She changes the subject and they move on. 

A few minutes later, she picks out a stocking, and then after a moment of consideration, sneakily adds a second one to the basket when Ben isn’t looking.

Just in case.

*

When they get back to Rey’s apartment, Ben is wary about just following her in. He wonders if she expects him to go home now that the shopping is done. But when Rey looks at him expectantly as he stands in the doorway, he slips in quickly before he can start doubting himself. 

They order a pizza and after eating, Rey announces she’s going to start decorating her tree.

Ben laughs, “It’s still November.” She glares at him when he reminds her of this, but otherwise ignores him as she sets to work on getting the little Christmas tree out of the box.

Ben rolls his eyes, but gets up to help her. After the tree is removed, they work at rearranging the branches.

“You can’t just point them all straightforward,” Rey laughs at him. “You have to spread them out to hide the middle pole.”

“So bossy,” Ben mutters, but takes extra care to do it the way she’s doing it. 

After the branches are arranged to Rey’s satisfaction, they start hanging the ornaments. When Rey’s phone rings and she gets up to answer it, Ben makes it his personal mission to finish the tree. The box of ornaments is almost empty when she comes back. Her eyes widen as she looks at the tree.

“Ben,” she laughs a bit breathlessly. “Why are all the ornaments on one side? It’s going to tip over because one side is heavier than the other.”

Ben frowns as he studies his handiwork. “Well, you’re only going to see one side of it. The other side will be facing the wall, right?” He shrugs. “Why would you decorate the side no one’s going to see?”

She giggles. “Because it’s going to fall over from all the weight on that one side!”

“Is not,” Ben says petulantly, then lifts the tree up, placing it on the bookshelf in the spot Rey designated. He steps back and sweeps his arm out dramatically. “See?”

Rey shakes her head and rolls her eyes, walking to the front door. She opens it, then slams it shut, and the tree trembles then falls off the bookshelf.

Ben stares at the tree, ornament-side down on the floor, and then offers a belated, “Timber?”

Rey giggles again and starts fixing the mess Ben made of the ornaments.

After she sets the tree to rights, Ben watches as she puts sticky Christmas-themed decals on her sliding patio door. She looks at him expectantly and he teasingly turns his nose up at her.

“Oh, no,” he tells her as he fights a grin. “I’m not taking any more of your Christmas decoration critique. You’re on your own, Niima.”

She sticks her tongue out at him and finishes the task while he grabs another slice of pizza and watches as she tries to pick the perfect spot for each decal. She seems so happy to be doing this and it’s a wonder really. Ben has not been fond of Christmas since he was a child. There are too many memories fraught with fighting and tension. He wishes he could be more like her, more hopeful of the future. 

Maybe he can manage to enjoy this Christmas if he’s lucky enough to spend it with her.

When he finishes his pizza and determines that Rey is done, he creeps up behind her as she’s admiring her handiwork and loops his arms around her waist. There’s some anxiety he feels about it - is it too intimate for her? - but when she relaxes into his arms rather than stiffening, he figures he’s done something right. Her head settles into his chest and her hands land on top of his.

It feels right. He doesn’t know how or why, just that it does. So he chases that feeling. He trails his nose along her cheek, his lips barely brushing along her jaw. She sighs contentedly, which only encourages Ben. The barely-there kisses become something a little more heated. He works his lips along her jaw, trails them down her neck, scratches his teeth gently along the spot between her neck and her shoulder. 

When she pulls away, Ben is worried he’s taken things a step too far, but then she’s throwing her arms around his neck, opening her mouth beneath his, and moaning softly, so softly it barely registers, but Ben _feels_ it. His hands squeeze at her hips as he nips at her bottom lip. Her fingers tangle in the ends of his hair and tug gently to bring him closer to her. Ben’s hands leave her hips to wrap around her completely, pulling her flush against him. He rolls his tongue against hers and he feels her shiver.

But the height difference is making things a little uncomfortable, so Ben walks them back, hoping he’s headed toward the couch. When he hits the couch with his calves, he drops down, pulling her with him right into his lip. 

Rey doesn’t miss a beat as she brings her legs to either side of his hips, straddling him. His hands creep under the hem of her shirt, coming in contact with the smooth, warm skin of her back. Ben can feel his dick hardening, but he keeps Rey’s hips far enough back so she’s not sitting on it. As amazing as all this is, he doesn’t want to rush anything with her.

He moves from her lips to her neck, sucking at her pulse point and committing to memory the sounds she’s making - little breathy moans that are barely audible. His tongue flicks out to taste the hollow of her throat and she tilts her head back slightly to give him better access. Her skin is so hot and she smells so good and Ben is fairly certain he’s never been quite so affected by another woman just from kissing.

He grazes his teeth gently along her collarbone and her hips jolt forward, pressing into his, and he groans into her neck at the contact.

So much for keeping their hips apart.

  
  
  


*

The feel of his mouth on her is intoxicating. Every brush of his lips, swipe of his tongue, graze of his teeth feels as though it will light Rey's skin on fire. She's burning up from the inside out too. Fire burns through her veins and settles between her legs, a sweet ache begging to be alleviated. 

When Ben's teeth slide along her collarbone, she snaps, pushing forward until she feels him between her legs, so hard and so _big_. Ben groans into her neck and his hands move to her hips, thumbs settling in the notch of her hip bones.

God, his hands are huge too. She knew it already, but here, now, it all comes back to her. His thumbs are halfway to touching each other below her belly button, and his fingers spread at the back of her hips, almost meeting at her tail bone.

Every forward roll of her hips catches her clit and these odd, soft little whimpers are escaping her mouth, being captured by Ben's as he kisses her. He does something with his hips, tilts them where they’re at a certain angle and Rey shivers at the sensation it sparks. Her hands card through his hair, pulling lightly at the soft strands.

Ben tugs his mouth away from her and dips his hand down, nuzzling his face between her clothed breasts. Rey sucks in a breath because _she isn’t wearing a bra_ and she’s already incredibly sensitive and this man is going to be her undoing. And he knows it too - she can tell when he looks up at her, meets her gaze with a heated one of his own, eyes nearly black with arousal. He watches her as he turns his head and nips at her nipple through her shirt.

Rey’s head falls back and she grinds down on him hard, her hips picking up speed as he sucks at her through the thin material of her shirt. His hips are meeting hers now, thrusting into her as she rolls down and she has never, never felt this good and she’s still fully clothed. She feels the building pressure, the tingling at the base of her spine, and before she can even begin to form the idea of being embarrassed, she’s coming, her hips tensing as pleasure shoots through her veins, soft moans spilling from her lips.

And then Ben is grinding into her again with purpose and she hears a muffled curse, and he’s pulling her down to him, pressing his forehead to hers, laying gentle kisses on her open mouth. 

“Holy shit,” she mutters, her hand coming to his, pushing back his hair from where it’s stuck to the sweat on his forehead. 

“Yeah,” he agrees, and then he leans in for a more thorough kiss, his tongue sweeping into her mouth and his arms crushing her to his chest.

A shrill ringing from his phone makes them draw apart, looking at one another in wide-eyed wonder.

“Should’ve silenced it,” he mutters, giving Rey an apologetic look. 

She presses a kiss to his nose and then wriggles out of his lap so he can reach for his phone. Ben closes his eyes for a second, to pray for patience or something like that, then steps out onto Rey’s little patio to take the call.

Rey rushes to her bedroom to clean up a little, throwing on fresh underwear and leggings before heading back to the living room. 

She watches Ben pace the length of her patio while he takes the call and traces her swollen bottom lip with her tongue. She’s still a little breathless and a lot aroused despite the orgasm. She is also _more than_ a little worried about how far she might have let that go if Ben hadn’t gotten a phone call. 

Because there’s no denying that she wants him - definitely physically, but she’s pretty sure she wants him in all the other ways too. She suspects that having Ben Solo’s heart would be even more rewarding than having his body.

Today has been...fun. And they haven’t even really done anything. But she’s laughed so easily around him, hasn’t tried to hastily construct any of the normal walls she keeps around her heart. She feels like she’s safe with him. She can’t imagine him doing anything to hurt her. 

He’d even helped her decorate her little Christmas tree despite bemoaning the fact that she was doing it a whole month early. 

Whoever he is on the phone with has stressed him out though, she can tell. Not only is he pacing, but he’s running his hands through his hair every couple of minutes and gesturing a lot. Rey knows he must have an insanely stressful job, especially since he’s having to take care of someone else’s cases right now, and she figures that’s what the conversation is about.

At the thought of work, her mind wanders to tomorrow and she wonders if she will get to see him in court tomorrow. She normally does. Now, there’s an added thrill to it. Any extra moment she gets to see him, even if she just gets to look at him without interacting, is a cause for excitement.

Ben finally terminates the call and slides open her door to step back in, his hair a disheveled mess. 

“Sorry about that,” he says, and she can see he’s wound up now, that there’s tension in his shoulders that wasn’t there before. He slides his phone back into his pocket but doesn’t move back toward the couch. “I probably need to get going…”

She doesn’t want him to, but she’s also not sure how she feels about this new, needy version of herself where she wants to spend as much time as she can with a guy. So she nods and crosses the room to him, wanting to at least walk him the couple of steps to the door. 

“So will I see you in court tomorrow?” She asks him as he pulls her to him, already dipping his head for another kiss.

“Hmm, yeah, I’m sure you…” He trails off and pulls back a little, his brows drawn as he gives her a concerned look.

“What?”  
  


“Well,” he clears his throat and looks over her head. “I’m not trying to push you into anything or make you put a name to...this,” he’s blushing a little, and if Rey weren’t a bit worried about where he’s going with this, she would think it’s cute. “But maybe we shouldn’t work together on cases anymore.”

It takes Rey a couple of seconds to realize his meaning and then realization hits her. “Oh, so I...we just...could we get into trouble for that?”

“I mean, not now, but in the future, if someone knows that we…” Ben chews on his lip and he’s got a nervous look in his eyes. “If this continues, I don’t want you to lose your job.”

Rey leans back a bit so she can get a better look at his face. “And what do you think, Ben? You think this will continue?”

She watches his throat bob as he swallows, notices his chest heave a little. “I hope,” he tells her, finally.

And she can’t stop the smile that takes over her face then. And yeah, it might suck a little that she won’t get to interact with Ben during court anymore, but the reason for that has a much bigger potential payoff. “Me, too,” she tells him.

He leans down quickly and kisses her, steals her breath, and she wants to tell him to stay a little longer, wants to tell him that they can continue in whatever direction they were going when they were making out on the couch. Instead, she lets him slip out, watches him walk to his car, smiles to herself when she sees him turn around just as he gets to his car to look back at her.

This, this is the start of something good.


	8. Chances are waiting to be taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’s given him bits and pieces of herself that he doubts she shares with just anyone, so maybe he can give her a little of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Chances" by Five For Fighting

Ben curses himself for the rest of the evening for leaving Rey after  _ that _ . But Luke had killed his mood talking about an acquaintance of his that had called him asking him to handle his divorce. So now, on top of his usual busy Monday, he has to deal with that.

Between the new divorce case he’s going to be handling, plus whatever is going on between him and Rey, Ben’s anxiety has decided to go into overdrive. He paces throughout his apartment, runs his hands through his hair, chews on his lips, gnaws at his fingernails, any nervous tick he’s ever had is revisited.

He wonders if he took things too far with her. He wanted it,  _ wants _ it, but he’s out of his element. She’s a lot younger than him and he has no idea what she expects out of this. Ben’s not even sure what he expects out of this. He isn’t really the kind of person who has casual flings.

But he also never dates with the intention of something more in mind for the future. It’s one of the reasons he’s usually single. There’s a fine line he walks between monogamous dating and not-too-serious. He’s hurt women in the past who, after dating for six months, wondered why he wasn’t more committed. He  _ knows  _ he’s difficult, knows that expecting women to be okay with casually dating only him is kind of ridiculous, but it is what it is. He’s never wanted more, but he also doesn’t like to share.

There was a woman in law school - Zorii - who he was pretty crazy about. But several months in, she began talking about Ben’s commitment issues and how maybe he needed therapy and how much she wanted to be with him if he’d only open up.

Ben doesn’t have commitment issues - Ben just doesn’t want to be  _ that _ committed. He doesn’t want to share his space with someone, doesn’t want to talk about marriage or babies. He told her that he’d just never been interested, which wasn’t entirely true, but it was close enough to the truth that Zorii abandoned any further attempts to “fix” him and ended their relationship.

Ben has thought about marriage before, but the truth is that it was so long ago - before he realized that most relationships were destined to end badly. Sure, people may start out thinking that they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone, but people change and feelings change and Ben, for his part, completely understands why divorce numbers are so high. So he’s gone about his love life hurting one woman after the other - insisting on exclusive dating knowing that it was always a dead end with him.

The thing is, he doesn’t want to hurt Rey. He’s never wanted to hurt anyone really, but for some reason he cares more this time. And if she’s looking for a future with him…

But then, she’s young, so young, and she may very well just want a fuck buddy. He can’t give her that either though. He’s probably worrying for nothing. This will probably all fall apart before any of his issues come to light.

A big part of him hopes he’s wrong about that - that maybe she’ll stick around long enough to uncover his nastiest flaws and not take off in the other direction.

*

Rey gets to the office early on Monday morning with plenty of time to spare before court. Amilyn’s door is closed and the light is off, so she must not be here yet. She huffs in frustration and draws Rose’s attention.

“Long weekend?” Rose asks, but there’s a smirk on her lips.

“I saw Ben again,” Rey blurts. Rose and her other coworkers knew that she’d met him for lunch last week, but they didn’t know about the date Saturday. “Twice.”

Rose’s eyebrows shoot up just as the girl herself shoots up from her chair. “Oh? Really?”

Rey nods. “I need to speak to Amilyn because…”

Rose stares at her unblinking, nodding her head. “Because you’re dating?”

“Ummm…” Rey chews on her lip. “Something like that.”

“Wait, who’s dating?” Kaydel pokes her head into the hallway from her office and eyes them.

“Rey and  _ Ben Solo _ !” Rose squeals.

“Oh, no, wait…”

“Rey! Oh, my gosh, sweetie, I’m so happy for you!”

“Wait, wait, I don’t know if that’s exactly what this is,” Rey says, rolling her eyes because she should’ve expected this reaction. “Ben just thought it would be a good idea if we didn’t work together in court and I feel like I should be transparent about everything.”

Kaydel looks up and down the hallway, then darts over to Rey. “Does he have a huge dick? Because he seems like he’d…”

“Kaydel!” Rose smacks at the other girl. “You can’t ask her that!”

“Why not?” Kaydel frowns at Rose.

Rey closes her eyes and breathes deeply, wondering how this situation got out of hand so quickly.

“Good morning, ladies!” All three of them jump at the sound of Amilyn’s voice, causing their boss to look between the three of them suspiciously. 

“Rey needs to talk to you,” Rose says, heading the other way. “I’ll get the carts ready!”

“I’ll help her,” Kaydel says, and darts off after Rose.

Amilyn gives Rey a concerned look. “Everything okay, Rey? You aren’t about to quit or something, are you?” There’s a note of humor in her voice, but the concern in Amilyn’s eyes is real.

“Oh, God, no, nothing like that,” Rey assures her. “I just...can we speak in your office?”

“Of course,” Amilyn squeezes past her in the narrow hallway and goes to open her door, ushering Rey in.

Once they’re settled across from one another, Rey takes a fortifying breath. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for Ben Solo and I to work together in court. I know we don’t always work together anyway, but I just wanted you to know that I’ll be actively avoiding any assignments with him as the attorney.”

“Oh, no,” Amilyn groans, shaking her head. “What did he do?”

Rey frowns and then considers what she said. “Oh, he didn’t do anything…”

“I know Ben can be difficult,” Amilyn continues. “But you have to understand that  _ most _ attorneys can be difficult, including myself.”

“He’s not being difficult,” Rey assures her, and then amends, “Well, no more difficult than usual. It’s just that Ben and I…”

Amilyn’s brow crinkles and she leans forward over the desk, waiting for Rey to continue.

“Ben and I may be...ah, a conflict of interest? We’re sort of...seeing each other now.”

Amilyn stares at her for another few seconds before a smile slowly breaks across her face. “Are you serious?”

Rey lets out a relieved breath. “Yes, I probably should have reported it sooner, but this has all happened so fast…”

“That’s great,” Amilyn says, and she seems genuinely happy.

Rey had been worried that she would be admonished for getting involved with someone she regularly worked with, so her boss’s reaction catches her off guard. “Really?”

“Of course! Ben is...well, like I said, I know he can be difficult, but he’s a good guy. I’ve known him for a long time, way before he was an attorney. His mom and I go way back.”

“So it won’t be a problem if I continue to see him?”

“No, not at all. Well, as long as you don’t work with him in court anymore. If you aren’t working with him, there are no issues. I’m happy for you both.”

It feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders as she leaves Amilyn’s office with a quiet thanks.

*

Ben has no chill.

Rey smirks to herself as she wonders if he even knows what that means.

_ Probably not _ .

She signs her name on an agreement and then gets up to find Amilyn so she can sign off on it as well. She peeks at Ben out of the corner of her eye and catches him quickly ducking his head, scribbling something on the paper in front of him as Jessika speaks with him about a case they’re working on. Rey shakes her head and does her best to hide her smile as she takes the agreement to Amilyn.

After she’s done working the case, Rey strolls back to her seat and feels his eyes on her again. Once seated, she peers at him from across the courtroom , and he looks away again, a barely noticeable flush coloring his pale cheeks.

“Holy shit, Ben Solo is smitten,” Rose hisses from somewhere behind her.

Rey jumps in her seat and turns around to scowl at her friend. “Shhh!”

“Oh, come on, as if he heard that,” Rose rolls her eyes and takes the seat next to Rey. “He can’t even hear what Jess is saying to him because he’s so consumed with watching you. No way he heard me talking shit about him.”

Rey watches  _ him _ this time. She has nothing to do until the next docket starts, so she may as well admire her...whatever he is. 

He looks really good today. Well, okay, he  _ always _ looks good, but the knowledge that she gets to touch him somehow makes that fact more important. His suit is the darkest navy and fits him so perfectly and before she knows it Rey’s having naughty thoughts in the middle of the day.

She catches him this time when he looks up. He’s seemingly reading over the document that Jess has placed in front of him when his eyes lift to hers. At first, he looks a little startled to have been caught sneaking a peek, but then his features soften and he gives her this smile - not one of the breath-taking, toothy, boyish smiles he’d given her at the bar that night, but a little smirk, enough to reveal the dimple in his cheek. And Rey’s stomach does some strange fluttering thing and she can’t help but smile back and then they’re just sitting across the courtroom from one another, grinning at each other like idiots.

“Okay, maybe we need to keep them in separate rooms!” Jessika’s voice cuts through their moment and Rey looks away and blushes.

She can hear Amilyn laughing, and she’s thankful that everyone is so easy going about this because obviously she’s just as bad as Ben.

*

Ben waits for her outside the courthouse at the end of the day. She’d declined lunch with him earlier because apparently she was already taking a lot of shit from her friends and decided to placate them by eating lunch with them. 

But when she’d shyly asked if she could see him at the end of the day, Ben had jumped at the chance to see her.

She comes out of the back doors of the courthouse all bundled up and he chuckles softly.

“What’s so funny?” She says as she comes to stand in front of him, hugging her arms around herself.

“It’s not that cold,” he points out. “You’re from England, aren’t you used to the cold?”

“Never,” she mutters. “Besides, I spent a few years in Arizona, remember? Much more my style.”

Ben pulls her close to him, wrapping his arms around her, tucking her to his chest. “Better?”

“Yes,” she says softly, snuggling into him. 

Ben takes a few seconds to just enjoy how she feels in his arms. He presses a kiss to her hair and rests his cheek against her head. They stand there for a few moments, then Rey squirms a little and tilts back her chin to look up at him.

“Are you going to feed me now?”

Ben grins down at her and leans in to press a kiss against her mouth. “I think that can be arranged. I’ve got stuff for a quick stir fry at my place. It’s closer than yours.”

“Let’s do it then. It’s freezing out here and I’m starving.”

They decide to leave her car at the courthouse since his building has limited parking. Ben can't resist the urge to reach across the console and take her hand as he drives the few blocks to his apartment. He takes the little alleyway between the buildings and parks in the hidden private parking garage for residents of the loft apartments. 

As soon as he steps inside his apartment, he sheds his coat and suit jacket and gets rid of his tie, then rolls his sleeves up, not planning to waste any time since his girl is apparently starving to death. She lingers awkwardly in between the kitchen and living room, clearly not sure where he wants her, so he pulls out the bar stool at his peninsula and pats the seat, indicating she should sit.

As he gets to work on supper, Rey mentions that she spoke with Amilyn. “She seemed pleased,” Rey remarks, lifting a curious eyebrow.

“Yeah, she’s an old family friend. My mom was kind of her mentor back in the day.”

“Ooohhh, so could she tell me some interesting stories about baby Ben?”

Ben gives her a playful scowl. “No, not baby Ben. But she could probably give you plenty of stories about awkward teenage Ben with the very large ears who hadn’t grown into his frame yet. It was bad - I had no idea what to do with arms and legs that long.”

Rey giggles and Ben tries to figure out how he can coax that sound out of her again. She’s still bundled up, so he moves to adjust his thermostat. “What about you? You don’t seem like the kind of person that ever went through an awkward phase, but surely there’s something to put us back on equal footing.”

Rey makes a face. “Trust me, there was  _ plenty _ of awkwardness…just no one around to tell you about it.” She goes quiet then, a moment of melancholy clearly taking over at the thought that there’s no one to remember Rey as a preteen, or a young teenager, or a high school senior. But Ben wants to know.

He nods all along as he takes plates down from the cabinet. “Fine, no one to tell me, then I guess you’ll just have to own up to it.” He gives her a pointed look. “Come on, Rey. There’s got to be something as interesting as big ears and gangly limbs."

"Hmm," she's delaying, he can tell. She finally warms up, evidently, because she removes her coat and drapes it over her lap. "Well, I went through a spell where my front teeth were a bit too large for my mouth. I suppose I also had a bit of acne?"

Ben sets her plate on the peninsula and she spins on the barstool to face it. He takes her jacket and throws it on the couch, and then takes his plate to sit across from her. "None of that sounds very embarrassing, Rey."

"Fine, how about this? I  _ may _ have been a bit of a juvenile delinquent."

Ben freezes and smirks up at her. "Oh, really?"

She nods, but doesn't meet his eyes as she blushes. "I may have stolen some gross gas station food on occasion. Some beer." She shrugs. "I was never caught though."

"Can't believe I'm dating a thief," Ben teases.

Her eyes meet his then and he can tell she's fighting a grin. "Dating, huh?"

_ Shit.  _

"Well, we have been on dates," he says, trying to play it off like it's no big deal.

“And you want to...continue going on dates?”

Ben is staring determinedly at his food, unsure how to tell her how at this moment, he can’t imagine  _ not _ dating her. Unfortunately, that’s all he’s thought about all day. She had been a distraction in the courtroom and he hadn’t even gone near her. He’s completely consumed with everything about her - and not just because she’s beautiful. Her revelation that she’d had a shitty childhood - and what an understatement - but had still managed to come out of it not only successful, but with a bright future ahead of her, has been a constant in his mind. 

He sits back, lays down his fork, and looks up at her. “I do.”

“Me, too,” she says immediately.

Because Ben has a tendency to overthink things and because his anxiety is almost always just barely concealed, he wants to ask her about his earlier concerns, about if dating him means going out with  _ only _ him, or if it means dating him while also dating other people. But he decides not to go there. He’s not quite ready to reveal more of his off little quirks just yet.

He decides to change the subject to something he knows she likes. Food.

“Excited about Thanksgiving?” 

“Oh, well, not especially,” she shrugs. “No family, remember? I usually just hang by myself and start watching Christmas movies.”

Ben knows he’s staring at her, knows that he must look confused. He knows that her mother died, but what about her other family? She never mentioned finding her father again, but surely her mother had relatives? She’s looking at him like she wants to say something, but he  _ doesn’t _ want to open up some wound and ruin her night if she’s not ready to share whatever’s going through her mind. So he just waits.

She gently pushes her empty plate of food away and sets her elbows on the bar, dropping her head into her hands. Ben is shit at comforting people, but he wonders if maybe he should go to her. But then, she raises her head with a determined look.

*

Ben didn’t ask her, didn’t say anything to try to coax the story from her, but she can see it written all over his face that he’s confused. Because of course he wouldn’t know that when Rey lost her mother, she lost all she ever had. 

So she takes a breath and tells him.

“I don’t have any family, Ben. When my mother passed...that was it. I’m sure my father is alive, somewhere, maybe…” Now that she thinks about it, she’s really not sure if he  _ is. _ He may have died from an overdose as well, considering his history. “The uncle that I lived with some when I wasn’t in foster care was my dad’s half brother and he was horrible. I never have any desire to see him again. My mother had no family - or, if she did, I never knew of them. According to her, they disowned her after I was born. I guess that’s one of the reasons she ran off to England. Anyway, when I came to live with her, there was no one else, only her. If I have grandparents or aunts, uncles, or cousins, I don’t know about them.” She shrugs as if it’s no big deal because honestly, that’s how she feels. She’s never been a big deal to anyone. “It’s just me. So, no, I’m not particularly excited about Thanksgiving.”

There is a lump trying to form in her throat, but thankfully, her eyes are dry as she looks up at Ben. She doesn’t tell people what she’s told him, mostly because she doesn’t want pity. She’s not sure why she’s told him so much, given so much of herself to him already. It makes her vulnerable and she  _ hates _ that, but somehow Ben has managed to crack through her outer layer - and now she’s in danger of bearing everything to him. She’s a little annoyed at him for it.

The look he’s giving her is not one of pity though, or even one of righteous anger. He looks like he’s considering something and it bewilders her. Finally, he nods, then says, “I guess you’ll have to tolerate me for Thanksgiving then.”

“No, Ben, that’s…”

He holds up a hand and says, “Shhh. Listen, there’s no way that I’m going to let you be alone on Thanksgiving when I know how much you like food. It’s like a crime. Besides, I want to see how much turkey you can put away.”

She has no words, can't believe that he's offering this. He has a family, he has somewhere to be, she's sure. Then it occurs to her that maybe he's wanting to take her to a family Thanksgiving dinner and panic sets in. 

He must see it on her face because he quickly tells her, "I don't have anywhere to be either. And if you don't want to…" She can see the doubt creeping in now, see him second guessing himself and somehow she knows it's not because he’s chickening out on her, but because he's worried she won't want to spend the day with him.

"I'd love to," she tells him, a little embarrassed by the sound of her voice, thick with emotion. She clears it and, looking for something to lighten the mood, says, "You better get a big bird though because I can put away a lot."

*

Later, Ben lies awake thinking about what Rey told him. They still haven't spoken in great detail about what she's been through - and Ben won't push her - but he wonders just how much worse it gets. The knowledge that she spent a decade without either of her parents around, bouncing between foster homes and an unsavory uncle has bothered him enough as it is. But he hadn't considered that she had no one.

A spark of anger ignites and he wonders just what kind of parents abandon their children. Rey told him they were addicts, and Ben has seen enough to understand that addiction is a disease, but when there's something to fight for - someone like Rey - how could they just lay down and stop fighting? 

He knows she worries that he will pity her, but the most prominent emotion is anger. Anger at the people who threw her away, anger at himself because all this time, he's felt so alone. He can't imagine admitting as much to Rey. She'd be outraged that someone with two living parents and an uncle would choose to be alone.

And it's not as though he's estranged from his family. He gets along okay with Luke, despite the fact that personality clashes are inevitable between the two of them. His relationship with his father is easy enough, mostly because Han Solo doesn't seem to give a fuck about what's going on in his son's life. And his mom-

Ben was a momma's boy his entire life until he was no longer a boy. Leia had had so much hope for him, had chartered a path she expected him to follow and when he didn't - to say Leia had been disappointed would have been putting it kindly. 

When Ben had gone off to get his undergraduate degree, Leia had hoped he'd major in political science. To her, it was the perfect undergrad degree for a pre-law student and also a suitable introduction into politics to which she hoped he'd one day get involved in. When Ben had chosen criminal justice as a major instead, it hadn't bothered her too terribly much because it was still a great degree to have for someone who planned to be a lawyer.

But then Ben had graduated and  _ hadn’t _ applied to any law schools and Leia was clever enough to know that Ben’s grades were too good to not have any offers at all. When she found out he’d accepted a job as a forensic technician, she’d almost cried.

For his part, Ben had  _ loved _ his ballistics job. He had picked a career that dealt in facts and science and objectivity. It was a world of difference from what he’s doing now - interpreting laws, finding loopholes, all the subjectiveness that comes with the variants of how well he argues a case and what judge he gets. He’s only been doing this family law thing since June, but he  _ hates _ it. 

And that’s the problem with Ben and his mother. She had pushed him into it, insisted that he was too bright to settle for the career he had chosen, that it was a waste of his intelligence to not pursue something better. Of course, the something better in Leia’s mind had been law school.

Things have been tense for several years now and Ben hasn’t attended Thanksgiving dinner in a while and doesn’t plan to do so this year. He has a feeling Rey is going to question him on it at some point because there were several times earlier in the evening when she looked like she might want to ask him a question, but then decided against it. He knows she’s got to be wondering why he’d planned to voluntarily spend Thanksgiving alone.

And hell, maybe he will tell her. He’s never talked about his resentment or the strain in his and his mom’s relationship, but maybe he can tell her. She’s given him bits and pieces of herself that he doubts she shares with just anyone, so maybe he can give her a little of himself.


	9. Every second is a highlight, when we touch don't ever let me go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Domino" by Jessie J
> 
> Also, if y'all remember, I originally said that I have a sequel planned for this and quite a bit of it is written, but I THINK I've decided to just integrate it into this story...otherwise, this story would end kind of unresolved. SO. Once I get a better handle on my outline, the projected chapter count will be increased again by...quite a lot, probably. Also, I don't want to give too much away in the tags, but I also don't want to blindside anyone, so check them out I guess as the new ones will now pertain to the part of the story that was supposed to be the sequel. 
> 
> ALSO, ALSO...big thanks to everyone who leaves comments. I really suck at being social, even on social media, so that's why I don't reply a lot, BUT I do read and LOVE every one that I get. So please don't let me stupid social (media) anxiety deter you from leaving a comment. I suck, y'all don't. :)

It’s a good thing that it’s not a court day and that all Rey has to do for the morning is reshelf the files that were in court the previous day because she is _distracted_ . She is in a state of anxiousness that is abnormal for her. She doesn’t normally stress out about things _after_ they’ve happened. Her philosophy is that there’s nothing she can do to change it, so it just _is_.

But she told Ben a lot of messy stuff last night and now she’s feeling exposed. She hasn’t even given him all the horrible details, but he’s heard a summary of her shitty childhood and now Rey is overcome with the worry that it was too much, too fast. What if Ben thinks that she told him all that to get sympathy? The thought makes her nauseous. She’s never wanted pity or sympathy from anyone and she certainly doesn’t want the person she’s seeing to treat her gently because he’s under the impression that she’s fragile.

Rey is _far_ from fragile. In her prouder moments, she realizes that she is resilient and strong and independent. But scraping away at her past reveals a lonely, vulnerable little girl who nobody wanted. She doesn’t want Ben to treat her gently just because he knows she was a pitiful, neglected girl. He wants her to treat her gently because he cares about her _now_ , the strong Rey, who doesn’t need anyone, but desperately wants _him_.

That’s another terrifying realization. She wants him. Of course, wanting him physically is really nothing new. Even when he was just an asshole that made her day harder, she still sort of wanted him. 

Now, though - now she doesn’t just want his mouth on hers or his hands on her skin. Rey wants the deep rumble of a chuckle when she’s said something to amuse him. She wants his soft eyes and his mischievous smirks. She wants his boyish smile, the one that shows his dimples and his teeth - the ones that make crinkles at the corners of his eyes. She wants the kisses to her forehead, to her hair. She wants his undivided attention, like he gave her last night when she peeled back another layer of her carefully constructed walls. 

She thinks she might want his heart.

*

Ben’s day is turning out to be what his father would call a _shitfest_. It’s another day where he’s got hearings going on in two different courtrooms at the same time at the beginning of the day, followed by more hearings throughout the morning. He doesn’t have time to eat lunch because he has to prepare for his afternoon hearings. Once those are done, he has two clients that he has to meet.

By the normal end of the day, Ben realizes he still has to prepare for court the following day, and curses when he realizes he will be working late. 

He wanted lunch with Rey today, but that didn’t happen. It looks like supper won’t happen either. He texts her and tells her the situation.

He tells himself it’s fine. This is still new and normal people that are testing the waters don’t spend all their free time together. He knows it’s normal for new couples (if that’s even what they are) to only see each other once a week, especially when they have the kinds of careers that Ben and Rey have. Truth be told, he’s probably already smothering the poor girl so he _needs_ to back off a little.

He doesn’t want to back off any though. He thinks about her all the time. When his mind isn’t completely consumed with whatever case is in front of him, he finds himself wondering how he’s managed to get this far with her. He had been so rude to her that first day. She didn’t have to give him another chance. Rey would’ve been completely in her rights to tell him to fuck off forever. Somehow, they’ve made it to this point where she likes him too. 

Ben can’t figure out a time in his life when he’s been so lucky.

He knows that he’s only managed to squirm into her good graces because she has a good heart. Which is another thing about her that amazes him. Despite the things she’s told him, she can still see the good in him people. Ben has a tendency to be pessimistic. He sees the worst in people first, and usually that’s a good enough reason for him to stay away from them. If Ben had experienced what she had, he wonders how much worse his view of the world would be.

His phone buzzes with a text and, though he should ignore it, he checks it anyway because if it’s from _her_ , there’s no way he’s ignoring her. 

_Rey: Hey, can you come to the front door real quick?_

Ben hops up from his chair and jogs to the locked front door. He turns the bolt and pulls it open. She’s standing there, looking a little shy and a little sheepish. She holds out a white takeout bag.

“I got you supper,” she explains as he takes the bag from her. “I didn’t mean to bother you, but I was worried you’d forget to eat.” 

There’s a blush creeping across her cheeks and Ben wants very much to pull her to him and kiss her senseless. Because he’s glad to see her. Because she brought him food. But he knows if he does what he wants that he won’t get anymore work done tonight. 

Rey leans forward and pecks his lips. “Well, don’t work too hard,” she says, then gives him a bright smile.

She’s already turned to go before he can manage a _thank you_.

Ben eats his meal alone. He works on his cases, silently cursing them because they’re taking away from his time with her. He wants to text her, at least to thank her for the food, but he knows he would be setting a trap for himself to get pulled in by her and leave his work to fall by the wayside.

When he finally finishes and is satisfied with what he’s done, it’s already 8:30. He’s lost his suit jacket by then, as well as his tie. He imagines his hair is worse for wear based on how much he’s run his hands through it. He sighs and runs a hand down his face. He packs up for the night, shrugs on his coat, and locks up the office. He only lives a few blocks away, so he walked to work this morning. It’s not much chillier now than it was then. 

But when he gets to his building, he doesn’t climb the stairs to his apartment. He hesitates at the front of the building, sees the people milling about outside the bar. Then, he walks back to the corner, around the building, takes the alleyway to the private parking lot and finds his car.

He should probably text her, but part of him wants to surprise her like she did him. She didn’t text him until she got to his office. He can do one better by knocking on her door.

Ben frets the whole way over, worried that he maybe shouldn’t do something so impulsive. What if she’s already gone to bed? He knows that she doesn’t usually go to bed this earlier, but what if she was extra tired today? What if she made plans after he bailed on her? He drives with one hand, while he chews on his other hand’s thumbnail. He should’ve text her, but he’s already nearly there now.

He pulls into her complex and curses when he can’t find a space right in front of her building. It could be a sign that he wasn’t meant to come here like this. He ignores that feeling and pulls into the first space he sees, which happens to be about three buildings over from Rey’s. He grumbles and curses at himself, convinced that he’s fucked up somehow already, but it’s too late to turn back now.

He stands in front of her door, takes a deep breath, and knocks.

Which is stupid, really, because she has a door bell. He frowns at it. Tries to remember if he has rang it before or if he’s always been an oblivious idiot that knocked instead of rang. 

He hears the click of the deadbolt and then she’s opening the door, her smile wide, but her eyes a bit disbelieving.

“I saw you through the peephole,” she says, biting her bottom lip to try to control the smile.

She’s wearing plush pajama bottoms decorated with penguins and an oversized pink sweatshirt. Her hair is a little damp and her face is scrubbed clean, freckles on full display.

She’s so beautiful it hurts. 

“Thank you,” Ben says, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “For the food. Earlier.”

Rey nods and he’s feeling the full force of that smile again, all bright white teeth, and dimples, and the cutest fucking nose scrunch he’s ever seen in his life.

He’s still standing outside her door.

She clears her throat. “Is that...all you came here for?” She tries to make it sound like she’s teasing, but he can hear the slight trepidation in her voice. Like she’s afraid he’ll leave.

Ben shakes his head and steps into her apartment. “No. That’s not all I came for.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“The main reason I came by was for a good night kiss,” he shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “I could send you a text to thank you for the food, but I can’t kiss you through the phone so…”

“You know, there’s a song about that, about kissing through the phone...” 

She babbles when she’s nervous, which is what she’s doing now. 

Ben fights the urge to roll his eyes as she goes on. His hands find her hips and he pulls her to him, dips his head to brush his nose against hers. He presses a slow, soft kiss to her mouth. He pulls away slightly. “Never heard of it.”

She looks at him, a bit dazedly and says, “Heard of what?”

Ben huffs a laugh against her mouth and kisses her again, taking his time to taste her. When they finally pull away from each other, Rey steps behind him to close the door. 

“So, you want to stay a bit longer and have some ice cream?”

And despite the fact that Ben does not particularly care for sugary treats, ice cream has never sounded better.

*

They sit across from one another at her tiny dining table, each enjoying a bowl of peanut butter cup ice cream. She’s surprised he’s eating it since he usually doesn’t like sweets. It’s one of Rey’s favorites, but as delicious as it is, it’s nowhere near as delicious as Ben looks.

He’d taken off his coat and draped it over his chair, and she notices that he’s lost his suit jacket and tie. His shirtsleeves are rolled up just beneath his elbows, displaying muscular forearms. The buttons on his shirt strain with the effort of holding in his chest and she is a little sad that he’s worn a tie so often that she’s never noticed how put-upon those poor buttons are. Similarly, the material at his shoulders seems to strain as well. 

Rey barely tastes the ice cream.

“I really do appreciate you bringing me supper,” Ben says, pushing his bowl away. Surprisingly, he ate the whole thing.

“Like I said, I was worried you wouldn’t eat. Or that you’d wait until you got home. It-it wasn’t too presumptuous of me?”

Ben shakes his head and she watches his lips twitch as though he’s fighting a smile. “What man isn’t appreciative when his girlfriend makes sure he’s fed?”

And suddenly she feels all warm and floaty and like she could laugh for absolutely no reason. She stares down into her nearly empty bowl, swirling the melted sweetness that’s left with her spoon. “Girlfriend, huh? Now you’re the one being presumptuous.”

“You haven’t protested yet,” he says, and she can feel his eyes on her. 

Rey finally gets the courage to meet his stare and there’s nothing she can do to keep the smile off her face, out of her voice. “And I won’t either.”

The twitch of his lips gives way to a half-smile. “Good.”

After the ice cream is finished, Rey follows Ben to the door, wrapping her arms around herself. She knows it's late, knows that they both have work tomorrow, but the thought of him leaving is unpleasant. He stops at the door, gives her one of those soft smiles that takes her breath away.

He reaches out, grasps the material of her sweat shirt and pulls her to him. His hands slide around her waist and his arms envelope her in an embrace. She uncrosses her arms and places her hands on his stomach, closing her eyes as she buries her face in his chest. 

God, he smells good. And he's so warm. His arms around her feel so right. She tilts her chin up to look at him. His eyes are dark and soft and Rey is certain no one has ever looked at her with such affection. 

She goes up on her toes and he meets her halfway, pressing his mouth to hers. Her arms slide up around his neck and she opens her mouth and runs her tongue along his bottom lip. He releases a shaky breath before touching his tongue to hers. 

Rey doesn't think she will ever get used to how _good_ at this he is. His tongue slides along hers, drawing little noises from her throat. Her fingers tangle in the ends of his hair and she presses closer to him, her breath hitching when she feels a hardness pressing into her belly. 

She wants to touch him, wants him to touch her, wants to give him everything she has right now. His hands leave her hips, arms circling around her back and tightening. 

"Ben," she breathes against his lips, "I don't want you to go."

He presses a quick kiss to her lips. "You need to get some rest."

"I'm not tired," she all but whines. "Ben, I want you to stay."

She pulls back a little to try and gauge his reaction, worrying that she’s going to see a look of regret followed by a gentle let-down. Instead, Ben looks hopeful, looks seconds away from giving in with just the right amount of pressure. So she kisses him again with maybe a little hint of desperation, and then whispers against the corner of his mouth. “Please stay, Ben.”

Before Rey can lean back to look at him again, he’s hauled her into his arms, one arm tucked at her back and the other beneath her legs and Rey squeals, a little worried he’s going to drop her. Her arms tighten around his neck and she looks at him, wide-eyed.

He grins at her, then pecks at her lips again. “I’ve got you,” he assures her.

She relaxes in his arms as he peppers soft little kisses to her mouth and cheeks. She’s vaguely aware that they’re moving, but she’s so distracted by the feel of his arms around her that she doesn’t realize where they’re headed until Ben turns sideways to get them through the hallway. He’s headed to her bedroom and the knowledge of what comes next has desire pooling low in her belly.

They aren’t very graceful as the clamber through her bedroom door, Ben bumping her into the frame since he refuses to put her down, but they laugh into each other’s mouth at his clumsiness and Rey thinks she can take getting a little banged up as long as he’s holding her. He doesn’t bother flipping the overhead light on - Rey’s lamp on her nightstand is burning and it’s more than enough light to get them where they need to be. She half expects him to drop her on the bed, but instead he’s gentle, laying her down so carefully before stretching out beside her. 

He kisses her again and there are very brief words exchanged about protection - neither of them have a condom - but Rey is on birth control and both have a clean bill of health. And when that’s quickly settled, Ben rolls half on top of her, pressing her into the mattress, one of his legs resting between both of hers. 

His kisses are slow and deep and, though part of Rey wants to give into the desperation she feels to get him inside her, she talks herself down and lets Ben guide her. His lips are straight out of a fantasy - so soft and full and skilled as he presses kisses across her jaw, then finds a particularly sensitive spot just below her ear. Rey doesn’t know where she wants her hands - they’re alternately in his hair, framing his face, gripping his shoulders, and running up and down his back.

And at some point, Rey can’t be still any longer. Of their own accord, her hips being wiggling, her body seeking friction for the pressure Ben has built inside her. His thigh seems the perfect place to alleviate the pressure. She moves her hips against him, gasping at the sensation it creates. Ben pants into her neck as she grinds against him and she feels his erection digging into her hip. 

He pushes a hand beneath her sweatshirt, runs his fingers along the soft skin of her belly. Her muscles jump beneath his touch and her breath hitches. Her back arches as though she’s begging him to move his hand elsewhere. And he does. His fingers skate along her ribs as he moves toward her chest, his hand engulfing her breast. 

“Ben,” she whines, her back arching again, pushing into his hand. 

He works her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pinching lightly. His lips are still working at her neck, sucking bruises into her sensitive skin. She turns her head and her nose bumps against his cheek. She presses kisses there, sweet things just to show him her affection, thank yous for making her feel so good. 

He pulls away from her neck and before Rey can protest, he pushes up her sweatshirt and puts his mouth on her other tit. Her hands fly to his hair, holding him to her as he swirls his tongue around her nipple. He develops somewhat of a pattern - he licks, he closes his lips around it, and then grazes her with his teeth, before going back to a gentle lick.

It’s driving her crazy. There’s a fire in her belly and no amount of desperate grinding is going to get her where she needs to go this time. Ben seems to sense it too, because he lifts away from her and tears her sweatshirt over her head. He bends down, presumably to do the same to her pants, hooking his fingers in the waistband, but stops - and he just...stares.

His dark eyes drink in her small chest, nipples teased into sharp little points; they travel down to her bare torso, and he bends quickly to dip his tongue into her belly button.

“Ben,” she gasps, her hips jerking beneath him.

He peers up at her with a ghost of a grin on his mouth, and then he tugs down her pants and panties in one go, tossing them behind him. Rey instinctively tries to close her knees, the cool air against her warm center making her shiver. Ben lays his hands on her knees, as though he’s going to push them apart, but he’s still dressed, so Rey keeps her legs locked and raises an eyebrow.

“You’re overdressed,” she rasps.

“Let me remedy that,” he mutters, and begins working at the buttons on his shirt.

Rey sits up, intent to help so she can get him undressed as quickly as possible. She tears at his belt buckle, struggles only a moment with the snap of his slacks, and then reaches for his zipper. She can see the outline of his dick through his pants and _God_. What a sight. She takes a moment to trace its outline while Ben pulls his undershirt over his head. 

He moans and thrusts his hips, chasing her touch and she grins as she peeks up at him.

“Trying to fucking kill me,” he groans, running his thumb along her cheek. 

“Maybe only a little,” Rey whispers before leaning forward to kiss him through his trousers.

His head tips back and a tremor runs through his body. Rey grips the zipper and tugs it down, relieving some of the pressure he was feeling from the tight material. She gets up on her knees, and has her own moment of pause as she takes him in. 

She knew he was a big guy, knew that he must have had muscles lurking beneath his fancy dress shirts, but this -

Ben is all pale skin stretched over hard muscles. He looks like he was cut from marble and Rey is stunned into inaction momentarily as she admires him. Her eyes lift to his face and he’s just watching her look at him, his expression inscrutable. She palms him through his boxer briefs as she watches his face. His eyes are hot, black pools and his plush lips part as he hisses at her touch. 

She has never thought of any man as beautiful. Rey’s normal terminology doesn’t usually even involve the word _handsome_ . Her go-tos are _hot_ and _cute_ . And while Ben certainly is both of those, she realizes then that she finds him beautiful. His hair, his eyes, his nose, his mouth, and his body - he’s maybe the most beautiful person she’s ever seen and _that_ revelation is what has her frozen in place.

She comes back to herself when he says her name, his thumb stroking idly against her nipple as he looks at her with mild concern.

“You okay?” 

She nods and tugs at his waistband, indicating he should finish the job _now_. He stands from the bed, shedding his pants, underwear, socks, and shoes, and Rey finds herself just watching him again. Her gaze trail down to his hips and - and -

Her eyes widen and her throat goes dry because -

Ben is proportionate.

Maybe even not so much proportionate as _blessed_.

She lays back against the pillows, her knees bent and pressed together, her eyes shifting from his face to what lies between his legs as he crawls back onto the bed. He rubs her knee with his thumb as he studies her face.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

She nods, maybe a _touch_ too enthusiastically, and parts her knees slightly. Ben’s eyes flicker down and he works his jaw as he looks between her legs. 

“Fuck,” he says softly, like he’s pained.

At the look on his face, she lets her knees relax, dropping them open and _oh,_ it’s worth it, worth the exposure to see the look on his face. He looks hungry, like he wants to eat her up. And before the thought can fully form in her head about what that might mean, he’s on her.

He dips his head down between her legs and licks her from her cunt all the way to her clit. Rey’s hips jump forward, her mouth falls open, and her fingers curl into the sheets at the sensation of his mouth on her. He doesn’t slow at her reaction - instead, he dips back down and puts his tongue inside of her, licking away the moisture pooling there.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he mumbles into her skin, just before he trails his tongue back up through her folds.

Rey’s body is beyond her control. Her hips are moving, tilting toward his face and she is only just barely restraining herself from grinding herself against his mouth. When he wraps his lips around her clit and _sucks_ , her head tilts back and she moans, long and low., and her hips lift again.

Ben throws an arm across her hips and pushes them back down, shoving open one of her thighs with his other hand for better access. She feels a nudge on her opening, and then a slow slide of a thick finger and she gasps _fuck yes_.

“Goddamn it,” he curses, his words muffled against her. “Jesus, fuck, you’re tight.”

Even as he says it, he’s sliding a second finger and begins moving them. Not an _in-out_ motion, so much as a massage, as though he’s trying to open her slowly. All the while, his tongue works at her clit, and her labia, and occasionally dips down where his fingers are stuffed inside her. She whimpers when he begins to withdraw his fingers, her cunt clenching on emptiness - then he slides them back in, deep, and curls them _just so_.

She almost comes off the bed again, her lower body lifting as she pants his name. Then his mouth is back on her clit and he’s sucking and working his fingers in tandem and Rey falls, mouth open on a stuttered gasp as she comes on his fingers.

She’s shaking when he pulls his fingers from her and lifts his head to look at her, his mouth wet from _her_ . He swipes some of it away with the back of his other hand before leaning forward to kiss her and _why is it the fact that she can taste herself on his lips such a turn-on?_

She takes his face in her hands as she sucks on his bottom lip. She can feel him, long and hard against her thigh. She reaches down and wraps her hand around him and he mutters yet another curse against her mouth. She swipes her thumb over the head, collecting some of the liquid gathering there, and brings it to her mouth, licking at her thumb.

Ben looks at her like she’s killing him. He lowers his hand to his cock, gripping the base as he guides it between her legs. She can feel him nudging at the wet opening and she moves against him a little, letting the head of his dick slide up to her clit. She bites her lip hard to stop the moan trying to escape and looks up at him.

He’s watching her in wonder, his breath coming in short pants. 

“Please, Ben,” she says, her voice a pitiful, broken-sounding thing. 

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he says, and he begins pushing forward slowly and it - it’s a tight fit. 

Rey breathes as her body stretches to accommodate the intrusion. Once the tip is notched inside, Ben snaps his hips and he bottoms out. And Rey is - she’s full of him. He’s touching every part of her - there can’t be any room left for movement. She screws her eyes shut and wills herself to relax.

It helps that Ben is pressing soft, slow kisses into her shoulders, her collarbone, murmuring sweet words about how good she feels. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses his mouth. She shifts her hips beneath him, opening her legs a little wider and Ben groans into her neck.

“Rey, can I move? Are you good? I need…”

“Yes,” she whispers. “Please.”

He pushes one of her legs up, her knee nearly touching her chest, and then he moves. And Rey watches him, his eyes fluttering as though he’s torn between watching her face and closing his eyes. Sounds fall from her lips as he moves, beyond her control. The drag of his cock against every part of her is driving her crazy. Then, Ben’s other hand slides beneath her hip and he tilts her _just so_ , and then he’s hitting a place inside her that she’s sure no one else has ever found, sure no one else has been able to reach.

“God, you’re so fucking tight, sweetheart. So wet. I’m going to think about this every second I’m away from you. How good you feel. Can you come on my dick, Rey? Can you do that?”

She can. She would’ve doubted it if he’d asked her before, but now she can feel it, that delicious pressure building in her belly, that tingling at the base of her spine that tells her she’s close, so close to coming apart.

She nods, fighting to keep her eyes open and on his face because _God_ , he looks beautiful like this. His jaw clenched tight, his teeth bared as he fucks into her. The muscles in his stomach tense and defined as they flex with his movement. And the sounds…

His hips snap into her harshly, his balls hitting her ass, making absolutely filthy sounds. 

“Touch yourself,” he commands, his voice even deeper than normal.

She reaches down between them and puts two finger tips onto her sensitive clit, pressing quick circles against it. It doesn’t take long after that. It hits her like a jolt of lightning, like fire in her veins, and then she’s coming, her head thrown back and her back arching off the bed as she grips his cock with her body.

“Fuck, _fuck_ ,” Ben hisses, his hips speeding up, and then stilling at once as he empties inside her.

Ben’s arms give out and he collapses on top of her, forehead pressed to hers. He’s heavy, but she likes it. She kisses the tip of his nose, then his cheek, then his mouth. He pulls out of her and rolls over, and she instantly misses the feel of him inside her, the weight of his body on hers. But he pulls her into his side, wraps his arms around her, and lays a kiss against her forehead. 

And Rey, wrapped up in strong arms, falls asleep almost immediately, feeling safe and sated and adored - maybe for the first time in her life.


	10. Don't let go, I've wanted this far too long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interactions with Leia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Show me what I'm looking for" by Carolina Liar
> 
> These next few chapters are going to contain lots of fluff before the angst starts, so enjoy :)

The first thing Ben is aware of is that it's a little too warm in his bed. He kicks at the covers to get some relief. His eyes open and it takes him a second to discern that he's looking at the back of Rey's head. His arms are curled around her waist, his left one trapped beneath her and tingling due to poor circulation.

Last night's events rush back to him and he remembers then that he's not in his bed, but Rey's. And somehow, despite the fact that her mattress is considerably less comfortable, and a full-size rather than the king size he’s used to, Ben slept through the night. He thinks he might've slept longer if not for his arm tingling and the warmth caused by Rey's body heat.

He doesn't care. He pulls her further against him, her back flush against his chest, and buries his face in her neck. She smells like flowers, lilies maybe. He's vaguely aware that he's got a serious case of morning wood poking into her ass, so he separates their hips a little rather than disturb her. 

_ I could do this all day _ , he thinks. 

Except both of them have work later. He knows it isn't too late yet, judging by the fact that it's still mostly dark outside. He also knows that he needs to go home for a shower and fresh clothes, but he tells himself it's okay to stay a little longer.

Ben closes his eyes as he recalls the night before. How she had felt beneath his hands. How her pussy had tasted when he put his mouth between her legs. The sounds he'd been able to draw from her. The way she’d been his perfect fit. 

He halts his train of thought there, a little discomfited at the implication of  _ perfect _ . But before the pessimistic part of his brain can take over and start obsessing over all the ways that perfect is a dangerous word to think in relationships, he decides to relax and enjoy the fact that he’s even able to hold her like this.

He presses his lips to that sweet spot where her neck meets her shoulder. His fingers draw circles on the exposed skin of her belly. He admits to himself, in this moment of weakness, that he could get used to the feel of her in his arms.

She wakes slowly, stretching her back, her ass pushing back to meet his hips again. He isn't able to contain the hiss she draws from him when she inadvertently rubs against his erection. His arms tighten around her a little as she wiggles against him. 

"Rey," he groans into her neck and the husky way she laughs has him bumping his hips against her behind.

She hums as she pushes back against him. "I think I might like waking up to that.”

And he knows he shouldn't say it, knows that it's too much, but it leaves his mouth anyway - "I think I could wake up like this everyday.”

He doesn't exactly regret saying it, though he imagines he will later. He  _ does _ feel exposed and he isn't quite ready to look at her just yet, so unsure of what he'll see in her eyes. So he presses kisses to her throat, runs his hand up to her breast to toy with her bare nipple, while his other hand continues rubbing circles low on her belly. She squirms, impatient for him to move lower and he smiles into her hair.

"Ben," she whines, wiggling her ass against him, drawing a groan from him.

He trails his fingers lower, meeting wetness as he pushes between her folds. He presses circles into her clit and her thighs squeeze together, trapping his hand. He repositions his hips until he can feel her wet center on the tip of his dick, and then he pushes into her, bites into her shoulder to stifle what's sure to be a pitiful noise escaping his throat.

She feels so fucking good. Tight and hot and wet and  _ his _ . She clenches around him as he continues circling her clit. He thrusts into her, tilting his hips so he can hit that spot inside her that makes her whimper his name.

No one has ever said his name like Rey does.

"God, Ben, please, yes," she pants, and he knows she's close. 

He increases the pressure on her clit and whispers filthy words in her ear. "So tight, baby. You feel fucking amazing. Let me feel you come, Rey. Please, baby."

She cries out and her body goes rigid even as she spasms around him, pulling his own orgasm from him. 

They lie there for minutes, their breathing labored, coming down from the high. 

When Ben finally makes himself get up and get dressed, she slips on her discarded pajamas so she can follow him to the door. Then they make out like teenagers, loathe to say good-bye, even though they just spent the whole night together. 

He likes the way she looks in the morning, he decides. All rumpled hair and sleepy eyes. If he thought that both of them could get away with calling in, he would suggest it.

“Will I hear from you later?” She asks, and he hears in her voice that she’s trying to be casual, but she’s genuinely concerned about him contacting her.

Ben presses one more kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Mm-hmm. I’ll probably text you every hour. You’ll be blocking my number before you know it. Trying to figure out a way to get rid of me.”

She rolls her eyes, but she can’t hide the pleased little smile tugging at her mouth.

“Alright. Good-bye, Ben.”

“See you later, sweetheart.”

*

Rey realizes over the next couple of weeks that she is  _ smitten _ . She thinks about Ben all the time, about the little things he does that mean a lot to her. He must have picked up at some point that she lacks self-confidence when it comes to relationships because he is always doing things to reassure her that he isn’t going anywhere. 

She remembers what he said that Sunday after their first dinner date. She’d texted him to see if they could see one another and in a fit of self-consciousness, had told him  _ “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take up all your free time.” _

And he’d said,  _ “No, please, take up all my free time.” _

And he’d said dozens similar things since then every time Rey tried to give him an out. Ben will have  _ none _ of it. He teases her constantly, telling her that she’s going to have to think of creative ways to get rid of him once she’s tired of him.

She’s beginning to think that such a thing isn’t possible.

Rey finds herself falling into a routine with Ben that she's never experienced with anyone else. It starts with trying to plan things out - date nights, work lunches, and the like - but somehow ends up with them seeing each other nearly everyday.

Rey suspects that both of them are trying to make sure the other has enough space while also  _ not _ wanting to be away from the other. At least, that's what Rey's experience is. She has never been clingy, has never seen the need to be with any other boyfriend 24/7. And of course, she's not with him all the time...just a startlingly large portion of her  _ free _ time.

Ben is...not what she expected him to be. She figured he would only want to see her sparingly. Especially after they had sex. She hates that that’s what she expected, but past experiences have given her negative expectations. And they  _ do _ have sex quite a lot - but Rey’s as much to blame for that as Ben. 

Because Rey has never been so sexually satisfied. She can’t seem to get enough of him. He’s... _ passionate _ , for lack of a better word. The heated looks he gives her, the desperate way that he kisses her, his struggle to keep his hands to himself. It’s not just sexual, Rey knows that. She knows that the genuine affection he shows her is something she’s craved for a long time. But the sex is always really, really good.

Fantastic really.

Her coworkers are very curious about their relationship. Kaydel has no qualms about asking about their sex life, to which Rey decidedly stays silent about. But Rose and Jess are more curious about everything else - how he treats her, what he’s like outside the courtroom, if he ever smiles.

And she dreamily describes his boyish smirks and his plush lips and the dimples in his cheek, all while blushing. She tells them how gentle he is with her, how thoughtful, how surprisingly funny he can be with his flat deliveries and dry humor.

“Girl, you’ve got it bad,” Rose tells her.

Rey doesn’t even argue because she knows it’s true. 

Sometimes she will see him in court and, if she isn’t busy, will just study him. Every once in a while, Amilyn catches her and grins and shakes her head. And even though Rey is embarrassed that she’s so obvious, she’s also really glad that this thing with Ben isn’t forbidden by her job. They don’t work together, of course, but Rey’s relieved their relationship isn’t an issue and that her boss fully supports it.

One night, as they are finishing dinner at his place, she decides to tell him about her past experiences with guys.

“My first boyfriend was when I was fourteen. I was in foster care at the time because my uncle had left me alone for such long periods of time without food that I was removed from his care. I was placed with a nice family and I was there for about four months. I had to change schools when they took me into their care and the first day at my new school I met this boy -” Ben rolls his eyes and Rey swats at his arm. “He was really nice to me and he asked me to be his girlfriend about two weeks after I got there.”

“You had to break up with him when you went back to your uncle?” Ben guesses.

“No,” Rey knows the smile she gives him is a little sad, a little bitter, but she can’t help it. “We held hands in the hallways and passed notes in class. He invited me over to his house and I went, met his parents. Then I invited him to my house and - I don’t know how it never came up before, I guess it was something I avoided talking about at all costs - my foster mother mentioned that I was being fostered…”

Ben sits up straighter across the table, his features shift to understanding then. He knows what happened.

“She didn’t mean any harm. I’m sure she thought he knew, but he didn’t. He didn’t storm out or anything, but the next Monday at school, he was distant. Later that week, a girl in my science class passed me a note. It was from him. He broke up with me.” 

“He was a little shit,” Ben says.

“He really wasn’t,” Rey counters. “He was kind to me. He was the kind of person who was kind to everyone, but…” She shrugs, unsure how to explain to Ben that his behavior was something she came to expect. That even the decent kids in school looked at foster kids as pariahs.

“I didn’t have another boyfriend until my mom came back for me. We were both sixteen, but he’d dropped out of school. He didn’t treat me great and I can’t even remember what drew me to him.” At Ben’s thunderous expression, she rushed to explain. “He never hit me or anything like that. He just...he had a habit of teasing me cruelly, mocking me for wanting to make something of myself. I had really good grades in school and he always asked me why I tried so hard. Said it was pointless. My mom hated him, finally talked me into giving him the boot. She said I deserved better.” Rey smiles and it’s a relief, to remember her mother in a positive light. To have at least one good, comforting memory of her mother trying to look out for her.

“The next guy was eighteen, already graduated from high school. He was my first…” The muscle beneath Ben’s left eye twitches menacingly and Rey tries to hide her smirk. “I won’t torture you with the details, but it was...less than satisfactory. It only happened a handful of times and it never got...good. Honestly, the same can be said for the rest of my sexual history too. Well, that may not be entirely fair. Some of it was enjoyable, I guess, but nothing like...” She trails off, feels the blush heating her face because she basically outright told him that he rocks her world.

Ben’s been quiet for the most part, letting her unload, but she can see his frustration and he finally breaks. “What the fuck is wrong with these idiots?” He huffs. “I’m torn between being outraged that your first experience was abysmal and grateful that I was the one who broke such a terrible streak.” 

Rey hums and slides her hand across the table, tangling her fingers with his. “Maybe I should’ve just waited on you. Then you’d be the only thing I know and I wouldn’t have all this negative history…”

Ben’s eyes darken and the look he gives her...it’s predatory.

“If we do it enough, I might just be able to wipe all those less than savory experiences from your memory.”

Rey is fighting a smirk, trying to keep a straight face as she lifts her shoulder and says, “I don’t know, Ben. They were pretty bad. What if all the good sex in the world can’t wipe away…”

“You just haven’t had enough of it yet,” he insists, his dark eyes gone nearly black as he looks across at her. “What do you say, sweetheart? Up for the challenge?”

Rey manages to keep a straight face when she tells him, “It’s worth a try.”

Ben spends the rest of the night erasing the others from her mind, worshipping her body, and making her feel like he’s her first everything, effectively rising to her challenge.

Rey never really doubted him.

*

A week before Thanksgiving, Ben gets a text from Mitaka after he leaves the courthouse at lunchtime, telling him that there’s someone at the office to see him, so rather than going to lunch, Ben heads back to his office.

Ben is surprised to see that it's his mother waiting in his office. He expected a client, hoped it would be Rey, but he hadn't expected  _ her _ .

He goes to sit behind his desk, watching her warily.

She just gives him a curious look. "No hug for your mother?"

He stares at her, on the verge of telling her that she's made no move to initiate physical affection either, but decides to remain quiet, looking at her expectantly. She sighs in frustration and rolls her eyes.

"Luke tells me you plan to leave once he's well enough to come back," she says.

His eyes narrow and finally he speaks. "So that's why you're here."

She scoots forward in her chair and grips the edge of his desk. "Why, Ben? This is the perfect place for you! You're already here, so why not take advantage…"

"This isn't what I want to do with my career," he tells her. He's told her this before. But she has never listened.

"So, what, you want to go back to Snoke?"

"If the offer is still open…." Ben starts.

"Why? It's like you're being purposely contrary. You've got everything you need here, but you're going to throw it away so you can sell your soul and move to Coruscant?"

"Is it really so hard for you to believe that I don't want a career in family law?" He can feel that he's close to the end of his patience. This conversation is old and tired and he's done with repeating himself. 

Leia Organa sniffs and straightens her spine, giving him a calculating look. "So corporate law is your passion?" She scoffs. "The money, maybe. Which you have plenty of already…"

Ben stands, shoves his hands in his pockets so he doesn't slam them on his desk. "And clearly," he snarls, baring his teeth, "you've never considered that maybe I want to make my own money, make my own  _ way _ rather than relying on a trust fund…"

"You can make your own way here!" Leia stands too, and while she's more than a foot shorter than him, her presence is a big one and Ben fights the urge to take a step back. 

He shakes his head. "Following in Luke's footsteps isn't making my own way, Mother."

She sighs noisily and throws up her hands. "Why is it always drama with you, Ben? No one has asked you to be like Luke. I'm just saying that filling in for Luke has given you a perfectly good opportunity to…."

"Please, stop," he says it quietly, but she obliges. 

"Fine. I'll drop it," Leia says, but Ben can tell she's about to dive into a different topic. "So when were you going to tell me you have a girlfriend?"

Ben's jaw clenches so hard it feels like his teeth will break. He wonders how she found out. And apparently Leia can read his mind.

"Amilyn," she says in explanation. "She told me one of her employees came to her recently and disclosed that she could no longer work with you in court due to a potential conflict of interest."

His temper spikes. "Is that not confidential?"

Leia levels him with a look that suggests he's being ridiculous. "I imagine it  _ is _ confidential, but Amilyn likely thought I'd know already that my son was in a serious relationship. It was mentioned in passing."

He doesn't want to talk about Rey with his mother, but he's not sure how to get out of it without acting like an ass. He broods as he waits for Leia to start interrogating him. Once she realizes that he isn't going to take the initiative, she starts in.

"You aren't going to tell me about her? What's she like?" 

_ Strong _ , he thinks.  _ Kind. Beautiful. Funny. _ He doesn't say any of this to his mother. 

"I don't want to talk about her," Ben says, and Leia frowns.

"Not serious then?"

_ Serious enough that I want to keep it to myself _ , he thinks. 

She changes tac again. "How's your father?"

He doesn't want to talk about his father with her either, but he hopes that if he gives her something, maybe she'll leave. "He's good."

“Have you seen him recently?”

He hasn’t, not really. The last time Ben saw Han was shortly after he’d graduated law school. He’d spent a few days with him at his small house in Chandrila. They’d gone fishing, and hiking, and honestly, Ben had had a good time. But he’s been pretty busy since he came to help Luke.

“Not since late May,” Ben admits, and when his mother gets that look on her face like she’s going to scold him, he rushes to tell her, “But we talk every few days.”

That seems to settle her a little and she actually looks pleasantly surprised. “Neither of you has ever been big on talking on the phone, so I’m glad to hear that you manage it on a regular basis.”

Ben decides not to tell her that those conversations are usually Han ranting about whatever sport is currently going on or calling him when he’s intoxicated to assure him that he’s very proud of him. It used to annoy Ben, but he’s learned to take those interactions for what they are - his dad trying to express his own brand of affection.

He can tell his mother wants to talk about his dad more, but there’s not much else to say. So instead, she says, “So Thanksgiving is next week, and I hadn’t really planned anything, but…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ben says. “I have plans.”

Leia fixes him with a  _ look _ and she looks seconds from initiating a full-blown interrogation, but she seems to think better of it. She sighs heavily and says, “Just tell me one thing - does it involve your new lady friend?”

Ben cringes at the term  _ lady friend _ , but gives a terse nod in answer. 

And just like that, Leia’s entire face transforms. She relaxes, gives him a soft smile, and says, “Good for you, darling.”

*

The day before Thanksgiving sees Rey running around trying to get last minute work done in preparation for court on the following Monday. With the shortened week, Rey barely has any spare time to be nervous about spending her first Thanksgiving with someone since her mother died. 

Plus, after today she and Ben will both be off four days in a row and she secretly hopes that most of that time will be spent in each other’s company.

Towards the end of the day, Rey heads to Amilyn's office with a question about a case and, seeing her door open, goes right in. She stops when she sees that Amilyn has company.

"Oh, so sorry," she says. "I'll come back. Not important!"

"Wait," the guest calls, and Rey takes a moment to actually look at the woman sitting in the chair across from her boss.

She's small, but seems to command attention with the way she carries herself. She sits on the edge of the chair, her back straight and her chin held high. Her graying hair is pinned up in an elaborate braid.

She's classically beautiful and she seems familiar, though Rey is sure she's never met her.

Amilyn smiles as she looks between them, but doesn't introduce them. The older woman stands from her seat and walks over to Rey. She's even tinier than what Rey thought. 

"Rey, is it?" She holds out a small, soft hand that Rey shakes.

Rey smiles, trying to hide the fact that she's completely bewildered. "Yes, Rey Niima. Nice to meet you…"

"Leia," the woman smiles warmly. "Leia Organa."

The name tickles a memory at the back of Rey's mind. Then, she remembers that the woman in front of her was once a judge in the district. She’s also pretty sure she’s running for some political office next year.

Before Rey can say anything else though, Leia adds, "I'm also Ben's mom, but I can tell by the look on your face that he hasn't told you my name."

Rey stares at her blankly for about three seconds, then her mouth falls open and her eyes widen. "B-Ben's mother?"

The woman nods, still smiling. "Ben Solo," she adds, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "Just so there's no confusion."

Rey finally manages to stop gaping and offer a smile. "It's nice to meet you, Ms. Organa."

"Leia," Ben's mother corrects her. "It's so good to meet you as well. Ben seems adamant about keeping you to himself and I suppose that's his right. He treats you well, though?"

Rey nods, maybe a little too enthusiastically. "Yes, he's so good to me." She feels her face flush with heat at her lack of chill around this woman, but what she says is the truth. 

Ben treats her better than anyone ever has.

Leia's face relaxes a bit. "Glad to hear it." She looks back at Amilyn and smiles knowingly. “I heard through the grapevine my son had a girlfriend, so you’ll forgive me if I placed myself in a position to meet you. If I’d waited on Ben to do it, it may have never happened.”

Rey’s brow furrows. “Oh.”

“He’s just private,” Leia says, as though this is a perfectly acceptable explanation as to why Ben wouldn’t want to bring her around. “Anyway, I need to get going.” She pats Rey’s shoulder as she heads for the door. “It really is good to meet you, dear.”

Rey stands there for a few seconds, trying to process what just happened. She finally looks up to see Amilyn watching her. Her boss holds her hands up in surrender. 

“I had no idea she was dropping in today. It’s not abnormal for her to visit, we are old friends after all. She came in last week though, so I guess I should have known something was up when she showed up again this week.”

Rey’s shoulders sag a little. “Ben doesn’t want me to meet her?”

Amilyn’s expression softens. “It’s not my business, Rey, but I don’t think it has to do with  _ you _ . Ben and Judge Organa have a...different sort of relationship. I think it’s strained at times, but again, it’s not my business.” She shakes her head, as though to clear away any thoughts on the subject that she probably shouldn’t give voice to. “I adore Leia and Ben both. But if you’re wanting to know why his mom had to pop into my office to meet you, you’re going to need to ask Ben.”

*

  
  


When the door opens, Ben's hands are immediately on her waist, tugging her inside and laying a kiss on her mouth before she's able to greet him.

"Missed you," he murmurs against her mouth.

Rey's arms wind around his neck and she presses little kisses at the corner of his mouth. Ben reaches out to shut the door behind her, lest the neighbors happen to walk by and see them all over each other. His lips brush against her temple and Rey relaxes in his arms. It makes it easier to tell him the thing that's been bugging her since she left the office.

"I met your mother today," she says into chest.

Ben stiffens, stops breathing, then slowly pulls away, looking down at her with wide eyes.

"You did?" He says, his voice sounding odd.

Rey nods. "I did. She was...nice."

Ben's Adam's apple bobs and he nods. "Yeah."

"She seemed to know who I was before I told her." 

Ben nods, runs his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I think Amilyn let it slip because she thought my mom already knew."

“Yeah, your mom mentioned that it’s not the sort of thing you’d tell her,” Rey fidgets in his arms before pulling away. Maybe Ben isn’t ready for the kind of relationship where Rey has chats with his mother. And even though Rey hadn’t meant to wind up in that situation, it happened all the same. “Listen, I just want you to know that I wasn’t trying to...force an introduction with your mom. I didn’t know who she was. I promise it wasn’t something I set out to do…”

Ben lays his hands on her shoulder. “It’s okay. I...my mom can be pushy. Don’t for one second think that her running into you wasn’t calculated. She knew what she was doing,” he adds in a low, bitter tone.

Rey’s emotions are a whirlwind of contradictions - relief that Ben doesn’t think she was trying to seek out his mother for an introduction, worry that he seems a little distressed by the fact that they’ve met, and maybe a little hurt because he clearly isn’t ready to take Rey around his family. She knows it shouldn’t bother her. They haven’t been dating that long, but the thought that he might be ashamed of her stings anyway.

Ben moves away from her and into the kitchen and goes about checking to make sure that they have all they’ll need for the little feast tomorrow. Rey watches him and can tell by his body language that he’s tense. She stands there awkwardly, unsure if he wants her help or if she should just sit down and stay out of his way.

She wonders maybe if she should leave to give him a little space. Leaving is actually the last thing she wants, but she wonders if she might be smothering him by staying. What if he’s worried that now that she’s met his mom, that she expects to attend all his family functions? What if he realizes that she’s probably a little more serious about this whole thing than he is and gets spooked?

Ben finally seems to realize that she’s awkwardly frozen in place in his living room.

"Rey?"

She carefully meets his eyes. “Maybe I should go home for a bit? Or just come back tomorrow? Or…”

The tension leaves his face and transforms to alarm. “What? I mean, yeah, if you want. Of course.” He’s stopped what he was doing and is just as still as she is, meeting her gaze cautiously.

She doesn’t want to leave though. But she also doesn’t want to tell him that she’s scared she’ll suffocate him if she stays for as long as she wants. She takes a breath to steady herself. “It’s just that...I didn’t stop by my apartment when I left work since you live close to the courthouse, but it just occurred to me I don’t have any pajamas…”

“You could wear some of my sweatpants,” he interjects quickly. 

And oh, she wants to believe what she’s seeing is eagerness that she will agree to stay, but maybe he’s just too polite to tell her to give him space.

“I don’t have a toothbrush,” she supplies weakly, lifting one shoulder in a small shrug.

Ben is chewing the inside of his cheek and staring at the ground now, clearly contemplating something, though Rey has no idea what. His eyes flick to hers, and then he moves toward his bathroom, and reemerges a couple of seconds later. He strides over to her and holds out a new toothbrush, still in the package.

“I picked it up a few days ago,” he tells her, his eyes trained on a spot over her shoulder. “

And it’s stupid, the feelings that it stirs in Rey. It’s just a damn toothbrush. But it shows that he’s thought about this, about having her stay over, about her having  _ stuff _ at his place. She bites into her lip to keep from grinning stupidly and takes the toothbrush from him.

“You can go home, if you want. If you’re more comfortable with that, but I’d like it if you stayed.” He’s talking to his feet again and his voice sounds odd, like he’s trying not to make whatever she decides into a big deal and failing miserably. 

She moves into him then, her arms wrapping around his waist and her face nuzzling into his chest - a spot that is quickly becoming her favorite. And she can’t deny that when she’s close to him, when he’s holding her like this, she can almost believe that she’s safe here, that she can never be hurt again.

“Alright then,” she says quietly as she feels his arms come around her. “I’ll stay.”


	11. You are the piece of me I wish I didn't need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving break with our babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to wait 2 weeks before an update, but I went to the Mountains last week for my birthday and sat in front of a fire in my cabin and played board games and I just...didn't feel like writing/editing. Definitely enjoyed not having to think about work for a few days though!
> 
> So I did my best to outline the chapters for the rest of the story and it looks like it's going to be roughly 35 chapters, though that number is VERY tentative. Because I get wordy and we're barely just into the story and if I actually manage to write fewer than 40 chapters then it will be a miracle.
> 
> The next few chapters are going to be fluffy and tooth-rottingly sweet. We'll need it before the bad shit comes, I promise.  
> Chapter title is from "Clarity" by Zedd/Foxes

Ben wakes before Rey, and though he's hesitant to slide away from her soft, bare body, he forces himself to get up. After a quick shower and cleaning his teeth, Ben heads to the kitchen to start preparations for their day. 

After he gets the turkey, dressing, and ham started, he starts on breakfast - pancakes and bacon - and lets his mind wander to the woman still snoozing in his bed.

The thought of her meeting his mother unnerved him last night. He doesn't know what exactly Leia said - if anything - but the possibilities make him anxious. His mother has always had a tendency to overshare and Ben doesn't want to know what kinds of things Leia might tell if she's around Rey for more than a few minutes. 

There are things that Ben isn't ready for Rey to know about, but he's sure Leia would have no qualms about exposing aspects of Ben's past that he's not sure he'll ever be ready to share. And before he can stop his memory from going down that path, he’s there. The darkness that had hung over him during that first year of law school. The pressure from his mother and Luke to be the best. The long hours put into something that he wasn’t sure he had the passion for. 

It had culminated in some bad decisions.

Before law school, Ben hadn’t been a drinker. He hadn’t ever even been intoxicated. But during that first year, Ben had broken under the pressure he’d put on himself. He’d been so wound up, so irritable from lack of sleep due to stress, that he’d gone out drinking one night with some classmates. And it felt  _ so _ good - the calm that had come over him, the way his limbs had relaxed, and he’d slept for more than a couple of hours at a time for the first time in months.

It didn’t take him long to realize he wanted to chase that feeling. So whenever he was beyond stressed, beside himself with anxiety, he would drink. And since Ben had always been a high-strung individual, he began drinking  _ a lot _ . Then he started drinking alone.

At some point, he became so reliant on it that if he went a period of a few hours without a drink, his hand would tremble and his anxiety would spike to the point that he wanted to rip his own hair out.

He doesn’t want Rey to know anything about that period in his life. Her parents had been addicts; and though he doesn’t know exactly what their drug of choice had been, he doubts Rey would make the distinction that his own personal demon was alcohol. Is alcohol. Because he still feels the pull of it. Sitting in that bar on Halloween, he had thought more than once  _ I can just have one, just one, just this once, I can handle it _ . But he knows he couldn’t have, knows he would’ve fallen back into that pit and then would never have had a chance with Rey.

He can imagine how disgusted she would be if she knew. She’d probably hate him. Her mother had died of a drug overdose, so he doubts that she would be very understanding about his own addiction issues. Not that he has issues, per se. Ben hasn’t had a drink in over two years and he trusts himself enough to know that he won’t go down that path. But Rey has suffered enough because of other people’s shortcomings and he isn’t about to confess to her that he was too weak to deal with his anxiety and had to turn to a substance to help him cope.

Rey appears just as he’s finishing the pancakes and swipes a piece of bacon off the plate. She eyes him curiously.

“What?” He asks, plating the pancakes.

“You’re cooking breakfast  _ and _ Thanksgiving dinner? Figured we’d just have some cereal or something since you’re already cooking so much.”

Ben scoffs and gives her a disbelieving look. “I don’t keep cereal or toaster pastries or frozen waffles,” he tells her. “I usually eat fruit for breakfast.”

“Of course you do,” she replies, grabbing another piece of bacon.

“But I suppose I could be persuaded to buy some sugary cereal,” he says, placing a plate of pancakes on the counter in front of Rey. “You know, for when I have overnight guests.”

She grins up at him and he fights the urge to grin back at her, knowing his smile isn’t near as cute as hers. At least now he knows she’s amenable to him keeping some food for her when she stays over. 

After breakfast, Ben turns on the televised parade, and Rey watches in between tasks he gives her in the kitchen. Rey seems impressed that he can cook and admits that it is not a skill she’s ever picked up on. 

“My mom didn’t cook either,” she admits as she’s mixing together ingredients for a peanut butter pie. “I had foster parents who cooked, but I mostly tried to stay out of their way.” She shrugs, staring down into the contents of the mixing bowl and avoiding his eyes.

Ben realizes she’s trying to give him a little bit of herself at a time, tiny pieces of her history that she can chip away at little by little so it’s not too overwhelming for her. So he shares too.

“My mother is shit at cooking,” he admits, and is amused when her eyes snap to him, her brows raising in surprise. “My family had a personal chef.” He almost hates to reveal this because he knows how spoiled it makes him appear. Especially to someone who didn’t have a permanent home for most of their childhood.

“I can’t imagine,” Rey says, her eyes moving back to the mix in the bowl and frowning slightly. “I have been beating this mixture for, like, three minutes and it’s still clumpy.”

Ben leans over and takes a look at the sugary mix. “Add the whipped topping,” he suggests.

Rey wrinkles her nose - adorably - and then squints at the recipe laid out on the counter. “It says here not to add the whipped topping until the mixture is smooth.” It definitely isn’t smooth. The peanut butter and sugar are nothing more than clumps in the bowl.

“Trust me,” Ben says. “Add the whipped topping.”

Rey rolls her eyes and does as he tells her. “If this sucks, it’s on you.” She begins folding in the topping and gets back to the previous subject. “So, your family has always been well off?”

He snorts softly. “Well off?” He shakes his head. “Call it what it is, Rey. My family is wealthy.”

“Hey, this is actually working,” she says, peering into the bowl. “It’s getting smoother. Huh. Anyway, so what, your mother was such a good lawyer that she made all the money that way…”

“No. It’s old money. I-” Ben can’t believe he’s about to tell her this, but somehow she makes it easy to share things he’s previously been uncomfortable telling people. “My grandfather, Bail Organa, was a politician as well, but before that, he was a very wealthy businessman. Smart, knew how to invest.” Ben shrugs. “He left my mother with a lot of money. And her birth parents…”

This catches Rey’s interest. Ben can tell because she immediately stills, and though she doesn’t look at him, he can tell she’s listening. So he goes on, “Her birth parents were Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala.” 

“Ah,” she says quietly, “I was confused. I was wondering why she and your uncle had different last names.”

“They’re actually twins,” he tells her. “My biological grandfather was…” Ben struggles to find a word that will encompass all that Anakin was - passionate, but volatile; intelligent, but short-sighted; dedicated, but also  _ so _ destructive. “He was a mess,” is what he settles on. “He was sent to prison when my grandmother was pregnant. She died in childbirth and my mom and uncle were adopted. The Organas were close with Padme, so my mom went to them. My grandfather had a stepbrother that took in Luke. But Padme came from a wealthy family herself, so Mom and Luke were left with a lot of money when she died. And then when Grandpa Organa died…” Ben trails off. He doesn’t even know how much Leia is worth at this point, but it is enough that she never has to work again, enough that  _ Ben _ never has to work again.

“Sounds like a messy family history,” she comments, but he can tell she’s distracted, and he knows somehow,  _ knows _ that she’s thinking that she would still rather have that messy family than none at all. She shakes her head a little. “So, lots of money, hence the personal chef. I guess that’s why you eat so healthy and know how to cook then?” She peers up at him, finally.

He nods. “Charles is a great cook. He taught me everything I know. He’s still in my mother’s service, though he’s getting up there in age. I’d spend hours with him in the kitchen.” Quietly, he lets slip, “Mom was gone a lot.”

He can feel her eyes on him and he’s ashamed suddenly. He has no right to let any bitterness creep in his voice, no right to complain about his lonely childhood when he still has both his parents. 

“Your dad was gone a lot too, I imagine,” she says, her attention now back on the peanut butter mixture as she pours it into the pie crust. “You said he was a truck driver. I hear they aren’t home a lot either.”

“No, they’re not,” Ben confirms. He adds, in a rasping whisper, “I was alone a lot.” 

“I want to apologize,” she says suddenly. 

Ben’s head jerks and he stares at her in confusion, wondering if he’s missed something.

Rey sighs heavily as she places the lid over the pie and slips it into the fridge. She chews on her lip as though she’s contemplating something, then moves closer to him. “I’ve always thought you must have had a charmed childhood. Even before I met your mother. You’re successful, you have money, a good education…” She shrugs and drops her eyes to the floor. “I made assumptions based on what I saw. Honestly, I thought you were probably a spoiled brat.”

“I was,” Ben jokes gently.

A smile pulls at her mouth. “But I’m starting to see that leading what I consider a charmed life isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. I figured you had a perfect childhood, but...it sounds like it got pretty lonely.”

Ben says nothing because he feels he has no right too, even now, when Rey seems to have come to a realization about his life. She tilts her head as she scrutinizes him. Then she takes his hand. 

“It’s okay. I understand. I was lonely too. Those few months after my mom died, after I’d spent so long ignoring her and then I didn’t have her anymore…” She’s back to chewing her lip, a nervous habit of hers when she’s not sure if she should discuss something. She takes a shuddering breath. “I’d never felt so alone.”

Ben squeezes the hand he’s still holding, runs his thumb over her knuckles. “You’re not alone.”

Her eyes snap to his face and, though there’s some sadness there, some ghosts from the past that still haunt her, there’s also warmth, and what he thinks might be happiness. Maybe even hope. “Neither are you,” she tells him.

He pulls her to him by her hand, cupping her face with his free hand as he kisses her gently. He believes her. Believes that she’s with him, that she’ll be here for him, be someone that he can count on, and he’s not sure if he’s ever had something like that. Certainly not with a girlfriend. He feels like he can trust her and there’s so few people he trusts - no one really. He will never figure out what she sees in him, but he doesn’t want to question it either. She’s a smart woman and if she trusts him with her heart, he won’t let her down.

*

They spend the day eating and watching television and complaining that they’re so full that they’ll never eat again. Rey has never eaten so much at one time in her life. Ben is truly a great cook. By Thanksgiving night, they’re sprawled on the couch, both wearing sweatpants and watching home improvement shows.

“This stuff fascinates me,” Rey admits. “The idea that someone can take a run-down house and make it beautiful again - I’d love to try that one day.”

She’s lying on top of Ben, her chest to his, her head tucked under his chin and she worries she’s crushing his full belly, but he hasn’t complained. 

“Doesn’t seem appealing,” Ben comments, trailing his fingers along her back. “I’d rather just buy everything new.”

“Says the rich boy,” Rey teases, poking at his ribs.

Ben jumps so much that he almost throws her off and she sits up, looking at him with wide eyes. “Ben Solo. Are you ticklish?”

He scowls at her. “No.”

She quirks an eyebrow as she prods at another rib, earning the same reaction as before. “Oh, really?”

“Tickling is a form of torture,” he grouses.

She laughs at the frown and goes to poke him again when knocking on the door startles her. Her head jerks towards the door and then back to Ben. “Expecting company?”

Ben’s eyes are wide as he answers. “No…”

She moves off of him so that he can answer the door, but he stays put, still looking at her as though the knocking is unnerving him.

“Are you...going to get that?” She asks.

Ben works his jaw as he thinks about it, his brows drawn so low he almost looks menacing. “Maybe they’ll go away,” he says quietly.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, the knocking resumes and Rey watches him close his eyes as though he’s praying for patience. He takes a deep breath and stands up slowly. He gives her something that looks like an apologetic look and Rey watches as he moves toward the door.

She stays seated on the couch, peering over the back as Ben unlocks and pulls open the door. Her eyes widen when she sees who’s on the other side.

“Hello, sweetheart,” Leia greets, turning her head so that Ben can bend down and peck her cheek. She holds out a pie. “I brought you a pecan pie,” she smiles. “Homemade.”

“By Charles?”

She rolls her eyes, “Of course. But still.”

Ben’s mother seems to sense another presence as her eyes sweep over the room behind Ben and land on Rey, doing a poor job of hiding on the couch. The older woman’s dark eyes widen and her mouth forms an ‘o’ as her gaze snaps back to Ben, whose shoulders look tense.

“You have company,” she says.

“I do,” Ben answers. After a beat, he steps aside with a small sigh. “Come on in though. I hear you’ve already met.”

“Yesterday,” Leia confirms, stepping into the room, pie still in hand as she gives Rey a warm smile. Rey does her best to return it, but she’s definitely feeling self-conscious. She’s sitting on her boyfriend’s couch wearing his ridiculously long sweatpants with the drawstring pulled tight to keep them up, as well as one of his sweatshirts. Her hair is thrown up in three buns and she has no makeup on.

Leia, on the other hand, is well put-together, dressed impeccably, even though it’s after 8 o’clock at night on a  _ holiday _ no less. She sinks further into the couch cushions, embarrassed to be seen like this.

Leia hands the pie to Ben and then makes her way to one of the large chairs and Rey realizes there’s nowhere to hide. Ben is in the kitchen, probably cutting himself a slice of pie - he had mentioned earlier that he has never been able to make decent pecan pie, though he loves it - so Rey is left alone with her boyfriend’s mother for the moment.

“It’s good to see you again so soon,” Leia says, and she’s just  _ so _ friendly and genuine and warm. 

Rey nods and says, “You too, ma’am.” She isn’t sure if she’s expected to call her Ms. Organa or Judge or what. Leia had insisted on  _ Leia _ , but it seems too familiar.

“I hope Ben fed you well,” she remarks as Ben makes his way back into the living room carrying two plates of pie, which instantly catches Rey’s attention. 

She’s momentarily distracted by the delicious dessert and readily accepts the fork that Ben hands her. Rey digs in and it takes her a few moments to realize Leia is watching them, looking very pleased.

“So sweet of you to bring her a piece,” she says, amusement evident in her voice. “Surprised you aren’t sharing the same plate.”

“She wouldn’t allow it,” Ben says. “She doesn’t share food.”

Rey slaps at his arm, though she can’t deny it. If Ben had walked in with only one piece of pie, he may not have gotten to eat any.

“So I have to admit, there was a small part of me that thought you might not actually have plans and you were just holed up at home avoiding me,” Leia smirks. “I suppose I was only half right.”

Rey looks at Ben for some explanation, but he just throws a  _ look _ towards his mother. “I told you I had plans.”

“And who knew they’d last this late,” Leia continues.

Rey feels her cheeks heating in embarrassment. She knows how this looks. It’s getting late and Rey is comfortably lounging on Ben’s couch in Ben’s clothes and now his mother is here...she can’t even look at her. Because to Leia it must look like - well, what it is. 

Ben seems to have no shame regarding their situation though. They’re sitting so close that she feels the movement of his shoulders when he shrugs. “She’s staying for the long weekend.”

Rey peeks up at Leia, who looks somehow both shocked and  _ delighted _ . It’s strange. Rey had thought that Leia wouldn’t appreciate Ben having a woman at his apartment overnight that his mother barely knows. Then again, he’s thirty-two years old. It’s not as though he hasn’t had overnight guests before. But still.

Leia chats while Ben mostly listens and eats his pie and Rey wonders what the deal is between the two of them. Ben’s mom seems so  _ nice _ , but Rey can tell he’s tense the whole time she’s there. She doesn’t quite understand it, but she’s too nervous to ask him about it.

Leia leaves, apologizing for interrupting their evening. Ben thanks her for the pie as she leaves and then closes the door with a huge sigh of relief. He stands against the door for a moment, looking over at her as she stands from the couch and stretches.

“Ready for bed?” He asks.

“For bed,” she confirms. “Not for sleep.”

Ben’s eyes instantly darken and a smile curls on his lips. “After you, sweetheart.”

*

Black Friday is not spent shopping.

Or at least not in the crowds. Ben  _ hates _ crowds and just the thought of getting up at the butt crack of dawn to go stand in line and fight people over sales items makes him a bit panicky. Thankfully, Rey is content to browse the internet and do any necessary shopping online. Her bouts of online shopping are interspersed with sex.

_ Lots  _ of it.

Ben hasn’t been this consistently sexually active since college and he’s kind of amazed that he still has a relatively short refractory period because he’s not sure how else he would have managed fucking his girlfriend five times in the span of about eight hours.

He’s having trouble keeping his hands off of her. And Rey is so responsive to everything he does, like she wants to be touched as much as he wants to touch her. And she wants to touch _ him _ all the time too. It’s heady, being wanted so much by someone so alluring. He’s pretty sure no other woman he’s ever been with has been as.... _ into _ him as Rey is. 

For his part, Ben is sure he’s never been as attracted to someone as he is to her. It’s not just physical either - though he does find himself mesmerized by her perfect little tits, and the freckles sprinkled across her nose, and her beautiful smile. But he knows it’s way more than how much he enjoys the feel of her ass in his hands. 

He finds himself thinking about how resilient she is, how much she brightens his day, how her laugh sounds like music, and how her understanding and compassion makes him feel like he finally has someone who understands him. He’s less angry when she’s around, less stressed. She soothes him in ways nothing else ever has and he thinks  _ if I had known that you were to be my new drug and I’d get hooked so quickly, I might have been more careful _ .

Because it’s too late to be careful now. He hates the thought of when she’ll have to leave, when they’ll have to go back to work and life and all the shit that causes him stress in the first place. She feels like she belongs in his arms, or tucked against his side, or curled into his chest. Every moment with her makes him want another moment.

And because he has trouble keeping his mouth shut around her, he basically tells her all this between kisses. She’s straddling his lap as they kiss on the couch. Neither of them is fully dressed.

“Can’t get enough of you,” he says into her mouth. 

“Obviously, the feeling is mutual,” she says as she moves her hips, grinding her center against his erection. 

Ben’s hands hold her hips tightly, his thumbs fitting into the indentation of her hip bones. She’s still wearing her panties for now, and the thin cotton is soaked at the center, seeping through the material of his boxer briefs. Her hands are in his hair, which seems to be her favorite place for them. And he likes it. Likes how she runs her fingers through it, how her nails scrape against his scalp, how she tugs on it, the stinging in his scalp somehow amplifying the pleasure he feels.

She’s still wearing his sweatshirt, and while he likes the look, right now it’s impeding his need to get to her tits, so he pushes her back enough so that he can drag it off of her. He watches as her nipples pebble, either due to the chill in the room or because she knows what he’s about to do, he doesn’t know. He leans forward and takes one between his lips, loving how she arches into him, how she moans softly as he licks at the taut little bud. 

“I’m never letting you leave my apartment,” he says when he pulls off her nipple with a pop. “You and your sexy little tits have to stay here forever. Sorry.”

She huffs a laugh, her breath ghosting across his face as he peers up at her. She’s so beautiful like this - her hair a mess, her lips a little swollen from all the attention he’s given them, and her eyes bright. “You don’t sound very sorry.”

“Yeah, I’m not,” he says as he bends to take her other nipple into his mouth. "We'll just have to quit our jobs so I can do this all day."

She grinds her center against him and Ben groans against her breast. His fingers dig into her hips hard, but it only makes her grind down even more. One of his hands trails from her hip to her thigh and slides inward, pushing aside her wet panties so he can stroke his fingers along her slit.

She gasps and pushes her hips into his hand. He slips one digit into her and hisses at the tight, wet heat engulfing his finger. And even though they've been at it all day, she's still so tight. He pushes further inside, curling his finger until he feels the soft place he knows will make her squirm. He crooks into it and her cunt clenches.

"Ben," her voice in his ear sends a shudder through his body. She seems to notice because she leans closer, licking at the shell of his ear, then nibbling at the lobe.

He's so hard that the head of his cock is pushing out of the top of his underwear. As though sensing he needs attention, Rey's hand trails down from his hair, her fingers skimming his chest before her fingers brush over the sensitive head. He growls into her flesh as his hips jerk up to meet her fingers. Done with teasing, he removes his hand from her so that he can free his cock, then pushes aside her panties, not bothering to take them all the way off.

Ben doesn’t know where to look - at her face as her eyes close and she bites into her bottom lip, or down at their bodies where he’s pushing his way into her slowly. As wet as she is, it still looks like he’s splitting her open, like if he doesn’t go slow, she’ll break around him. Once he disappears inside her, he pulls her face to his, licking into her open mouth.

Her hands go to his shoulders and she begins to lift herself, then sink back down and Ben is just...overwhelmed with how  _ fucking amazing _ it feels. He slides down on the couch, angling his hips so he slides deeper and Rey moans. He watches her slow lift and descent, and though her eyes are closed, Ben can’t take his own off of her. 

He lets her take her pleasure as he drinks her in, watching her face as her mouth drops open, as her tongue darts out to wet her lip, as her throat moves with a swallow. His eyes trail down, watches as her chest heaves a little with her labored breath, as her tits jar slightly with her movement. He can’t believe she’s real. And she’s his.

For now, anyway.

But he refuses to think about  _ that _ part. So he grasps her hips again, taking over for her, grinding her onto him. He feels the bite of her nails in the skin of his shoulder and her eyes open as he pulls her forward, then pushes her back on his cock. He can feel her getting tighter, wetter, and he feels the tightening in his stomach, knows he’s close too.

He drops one hand down, finding the spot just above where they’re joined and pressing his thumb into it with firm circles. It takes a handful of seconds and then she’s coming, her cunt gripping him so tight that his control snaps. He grabs her hips again, fingers digging into the flesh of her ass as he lifts her up and slams her back down, chasing his own release.

He comes with a long, low moan, collapsing back into the cushions and pulling Rey down to him, chest to chest. His mouth finds her and kisses her, perhaps a little sloppily, but she just hums in contentment and buries her face in his neck.

Unbidden, the unpleasant thoughts creep back in and he wonders what the hell he’s going to do when she’s no longer around.

*

Saturday is spent much the same as Friday, and by the time Rey wakes up on Sunday, she’s noticed a trend.

Ben always wakes up before her. Apparently he doesn’t have the ability to sleep in. Each morning that she’s woken up since their break, she’s found him in the kitchen making breakfast. 

This morning it’s blueberry muffins.

She’s  _ really _ going to hate going back to the real world tomorrow. She’s going to miss all this extra time she got with him. They’ve spent every minute of the last few days together and Rey is pleasantly surprised to find that she isn’t tired of him yet. 

She’s normally the kind of person that needs her space, but not once has she even thought of returning to her apartment. And Ben has made it pretty clear that he’s averse to letting her go at the end of their long weekend too. She knows that this is some kind of honeymoon phase of dating, but it’s nice, and if she could make it last a little longer, she would.

“I have an idea of what to do today,” Ben says as he picks at his muffin.

Rey’s already devoured one muffin and has started on the second. She looks up at him in surprise. Honestly, she expected for this day to pass like the others, cooped up with Ben, having lots of sex and being lazy in between. But she’s not opposed to going out with him.

“Cool, what are we doing?” She asks.

“Not telling,” he answers, dead serious. He doesn’t look at her, but continues to pick at his muffin.

“Umm?”

He shrugs. “Maybe it’s a surprise.”

Rey groans. “I’m not sure I like surprises.”

“Me either,” Ben admits, “But I hope you’ll make an exception.”

“Fine,” Rey huffs. “Do I need to dress up? Because if so, I’ll need to swing back by my apartment.”

Ben shakes his head. “No dressing up. However, you do need a change of clothes.” He meets her eyes finally and one corner of his mouth turns up in a smirk. “You need to dress warm.”


	12. When no one seems to notice, and your days, they seem so hard - My darling, you should know this, my love is everywhere you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Conversations in the Dark by John Legend
> 
> Longer chapter at over 7400 words! Sorry! But it felt choppy enough without trying to split it up...

Rey’s eyes are wide as she steps out of Ben’s car. They’ve driven over an hour outside of Alderaan to a rural farm that seems to specialize in growing what appears to be thousands of Christmas trees. Her head snaps around to look at Ben, who is watching her carefully, evidently trying to determine whether or not this was a good idea.

She beams at him and jogs around the car to grab his hand. “I thought you didn’t like Christmas.”

He shrugs, looks away. She can see the hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “You seem to, so here we are.”

“I already have a tree,” she reminds him. 

“I don’t. And I saw how you were looking at those bigger trees when we went shopping,” he shrugs again and squints into the distance rather than look at her. “It just so happens that I have high ceilings in my apartment.”

She squeezes his hand before surging up on her toes and pecking a kiss to his cheek. She turns her attention back to the farm. There’s a building in the distance where people are gathered. She can see children and their parents loading up onto a wagon, presumably to go pick a tree.

Ben groans. “You’re going to make me ride in the damn wagon, aren’t you?”

“This was your idea, Benjamin.” She tells him. “You may as well embrace the full experience.”

  
  


*

Ben does as she says and  _ embraces the full experience _ for no other reason than she is absurdly happy about something so small. He had told her to dress warm, and thankfully, she’d listened. She’s wearing a peacoat with a thick sweatshirt underneath, gloves, and a knit hat. Her little nose is red and it makes him want to tuck her face into his chest so she’ll be warmer.

She doesn’t seem to mind the chill though, despite the fact that he knows she hates the cold. She makes him go on the wagon ride, so Ben is forced to sit on the too-small bench with his ridiculously long legs bent at a comical angle. He’s certain that if the wagon hits a bump, he’s going to knee himself in the face. And while Ben is lucky enough to sit on a bench, there are also several bales of hay to sit on, which is what Rey chooses, of course. The hay is making him want to sneeze and he’s a little sour that his girlfriend has decided to sit on the stupid hay rather than next to him.

But every time he sees how wide her smile is, how bright her eyes shine, he tells himself to stop being so grumpy and just enjoy  _ her _ . She’s worth every bit of discomfort.

After the wagon takes them out to a clearing in the field and drops them off, Rey immediately starts assessing the trees. She goes from row to row, her eyebrows furrowed as she studies the choices.

“They all look so different,” she comments. “I guess I thought this would be easier.”

They all just look like trees to Ben, but he doesn’t tell her this. Intellectually, he knows there are different kinds of ‘Christmas trees’, but the differences are so subtle to him that he would be fine picking the first one they see. He has no such luck, of course.

One of the employees steps up to explain that the farm has several different species of trees to choose from. Ben watches Rey’s face as she listens closely, and he gets the feeling that maybe she didn’t know there were so many different options.

Finally, after nearly an hour of Rey agonizing over trees, she settles on a huge blue spruce. Ben tracks down one of the workers so the tree can be tagged and then they get back on the wagon for the ride back to the barn. 

While they’re waiting on the tree to be cut and hauled up to the building, they sit around a fire pit with several other people, drinking hot cocoa and talking quietly.

“Have you ever had a live tree?” Ben asks her. 

She shakes her head. “I don’t think so. Or not that I remember. I suppose it’s possible that one of the foster families I was placed with may have had a live tree one year,” she shrugs, “but I don’t recall. Christmas was always…”

Ben swallows as he watches the light in her eyes dim a little. “Difficult?”

“To put it simply,” she murmurs, staring into the flames. “I guess yours was difficult for different reasons.”

“My parents…” He stops. He’s not sure that he should be telling her this. His memories from childhood aren’t like hers and he doesn’t want to seem like he’s complaining. But it  _ was _ hard. “They fought a lot. All the time. Mostly because of me.”

He can hardly believe he’s said it aloud. His eyes dart to her face and she’s watching him with interest, clearly wanting him to elaborate.

“I was an emotional child,” he says. He’s an emotional adult too, but that’s not the point right now. “By emotional,” he clarifies, “I mean angry and frustrated.”

Rey nods and waits for him to continue and it’s...different. He fully expected her to recoil once he mentioned anger issues - his family had spent enough time trying to avoid him because of it - but she seems unphased, at least outwardly.

“I had horrible anxiety too,” he tells her.  _ Still do _ , he adds to himself, wryly. “My mother wanted me in therapy, but my father didn’t want that. Said he didn’t have a crazy kid, so therapy was out of the question. But he couldn’t deal with me and neither could my mother, so it created tension between them.”

“That’s not your fault,” Rey interjects, sitting up straighter. “I can tell that’s what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.”

“It’s okay,” he tells her. “I know they didn’t handle it well, but it was because of me…”

“No, Ben,” she turns her body toward him on the bench they’re sitting on. “It wasn’t because of you. They had their own failings, okay? Period. You were a child and they should’ve handled it better.”

“You don’t even know how they handled it,” he protests.

“Obviously not well since you think you caused it,” she insists. 

“Rey,” he lets out a soft, disbelieving huff of laughter. “It’s alright. I was a difficult child, which made me have difficult parents.”

Her brows pull together as she looks at him incredulously. She’s quiet for a few moments before turning back to the fire pit and sipping at her hot cocoa. Finally, she says, “You’re still wrong.”

Ben studies her profile, how she’s lifted her chin, so sure that she’s right about him. He’s not sure he’s ever had someone defend him so blindly. “Anyway,” he says, clearing his throat. “For some reason, Christmas - or any holiday, really - seemed to wind everyone even tighter than normal and there was just...always fighting.”

He’s still watching her, and her eyes flicker from the fire down to the cup in her hands. “You didn’t deserve that, Ben. No matter how unruly of a child you may have been. They shouldn’t have fought so much and then made you believe you caused it.”

He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore because it’s obviously upsetting her, but he thinks that she would be just as upset if he tries to talk about  _ her _ childhood. He takes a sip of his own cocoa and promptly burns his tongue because  _ of fucking course  _ he would. He curses softly and glances at Rey, whose eyes have cut to him. She’s trying to hide her smirk at what he’s just done. 

“Fine. If not angry relatives and shouting matches, what would your ideal Christmas be?” He tries to make it sound like a joke and he hopes it’s a safe question. She doesn’t have to dwell on Christmases past to tell him what her ideal Christmas would be.

Some of the tension leaves her body and she smiles as she turns back to him. “I’m not sure, honestly. The best Christmas I have ever had was when I was sixteen. That Christmas Eve, one of the local pizza places stayed open and we ate pizza that night and leftovers for Christmas. She got me these warm, fuzzy toe socks and a pair of pajamas and I stayed in them all day on Christmas. We watched movies and ate leftover pizza. 

“And I know that isn’t the normal Christmas, which is why I have no idea what to tell you,” she hums thoughtfully as she slides her hand into his. He gives her fingers a squeeze and then notices that she’s blushing a little as she says, “But I think what you’re trying to do here is a damn good start.”

Ben is not a fan of PDA. Or at least, he hasn’t been in the past. But it hardly stops him from leaning down and kissing her. There are at least a dozen other people in close proximity, but he finds he doesn’t care. The hot cocoa, he notes, tastes better when drank from her lips.

*

At some point in mid-December, Ben realizes that he and Rey are seeing one another everyday. It isn’t exactly planned that way, but he finds that if they don’t see each other for lunch, one of them will make sure that they see each other for dinner. And since Ben had failed to have a plan for his tree other than buying it to make Rey happy, many nights are spent with Rey crafting her own ornaments to hang. Ben usually opts out of the crafts, preferring to play sudoku or solitaire or work crossword puzzles instead.

“You’re like an old man,” she teases him after she’s observed him with his puzzles one too many times.

He raises an eyebrow. “I am a decade older than you.”

Rey just rolls her eyes as she gets back to gluing some googly eyes on a popsicle stick and hums along to the tune playing from the Christmas tree.

Somehow, Rey had talked him into the kind of lights that play cheerful Christmas songs. Thankfully, there’s a switch that can turn it off. She’d also decorated his tree with beads of red and gold garland. The ornaments have been steadily added to the tree as she’s made them, including clear, glass balls that she’s stuffed with multi-color pom-pom balls, popsicle sticks fashioned into reindeer and trees and snowflakes, and colorful pipe cleaners twisted into wreaths and angels. Occasionally, she manages to talk Ben into helping her, but his hands are so damn big that they learn quickly that he’s not dexterous enough for crafts.

So when he’s not playing one of his puzzle games, he watches her, once again struck by the lightness he feels when he knows she’s happy.

He takes her Christmas shopping with him for his parents and his uncle, and likewise endures Christmas shopping with her for her work friends. He gets annoyed with her frequently when she refuses to give him any ideas of what she wants for Christmas.

“I just want to see you on Christmas,” she says, and he watches as a blush colors her cheeks. “That’s all.”

“Well, that’s a done deal,” he tells her, like she should’ve known this all along. “But if you don’t give me some ideas, you’re probably going to get something big and  _ then _ you’re going to be mad at me…”

“Ben Solo, you better not get anything ridiculous!” She fusses at him, her hazel eyes wide and serious.

He’s pretty sure that the thing he has in mind  _ is _ ridiculous, but he thinks he can handle some of Rey’s indignation in exchange for the excitement he thinks it will cause. Besides, he’s asked her at least a dozen times what he could get her and she has been utterly unhelpful, so he figures it’s partially her own fault.

“By the way, my mom always invites me over for breakfast on Christmas day, if you want to go. I tend to skip Thanksgiving, but I usually go for Christmas…”

She freezes in the middle of examining a pair of gloves for one of her coworkers - Jannah, he thinks - and looks up at him curiously.

“You want to take me to your parents’ house?”

“My mom’s,” he tells her. “It’s usually just me, her and my uncle, though sometimes my dad comes, and sometimes she has a couple of friends over. It’s nothing big…”

“I would love to,” she cuts in, giving him a soft, sweet smile. She goes onto her tip-toes to peck a kiss to his lips. 

Ben doesn’t even care that they’re on a busy aisle in a busy store during Christmas. When she pulls away, he chases her lips, giving her a more thorough kiss, though not too indecent. He doesn’t even care when he hears the teenager girls at the end of the aisle giggle and murmur  _ awwww _ . 

He’s not sure when he got so damn soft.

*

“Why are you so smiley? I mean, you have a  _ great _ smile, you really do, but now you’re just, like, randomly smiling to yourself as you stare at the wall in front of you and, frankly, it’s creeping me out.”

Rey blinks and looks over at Rose, whose hands on her hips and who is giving her a very serious look. She realizes, belatedly, that she’s still smiling.

“I think I have the best boyfriend,” Rey murmurs.

Those are words she never thought she’d say. She always thought it was ridiculous when women bragged about how amazing their significant others were. After all, surely they still leave the toilet seat up and leave their shoes scattered all over the floor.

But  _ this _ , this thing with Ben…

It's special.

“You’re doing it again,” Rose groans.

“Sorry,” Rey mutters and tries to stop smiling so stupidly. “He’s just…”

“The best?” Rose says flatly, rolling her eyes.

“He is,” Rey says happily. 

“I cannot believe we’re talking about Ben Solo,” Kaydel chimes in, strolling into the room. “He’s just so broody, which don’t get me wrong, is  _ super _ sexy. But you’re acting like the man hung the moon.”

“He’s really good to me,” Rey says quietly, realizing that she’s a little surprised at his treatment of her. She has never thought he’d treat her badly, but the little things he’s doing for her are not something she’d counted on.

“Sounds serious,” Jessika joins the conversation, sliding into a chair near Rey’s desk. “Does this mean you’re spending Christmas with him too?”

They are, actually. After spending Thanksgiving break together, Rey had certainly hoped that Ben would make time for her around Christmas, but she hadn’t let herself  _ expect  _ it. But Ben has made it clear on numerous occasions that his free time is to be spent with her. 

“He mentioned we may even go to his mom’s for Christmas,” Rey tells her friends. Considering what he’d shared with her about his tense relationship with his family, she had been surprised when he brought it up. But she has a sneaking suspicion that he’s doing it for her - trying to give her the traditional Christmas she always lacked.

“I’m so happy for you two,” Jessika gushes. “He’s so handsome and you’re so pretty. The babies!” Jess spins in her chair to face Rose and Kaydel. “Guys, the  _ babies _ are going to be so beautiful!”

“Oh, no…” Rey says, more than a little alarmed. “Let’s not...it’s way too soon…”

“Oh, come  _ on _ , Rey!” Kaydel whines. “It may be too soon to discuss it with him, but what’s the harm in just imagining it? I mean, I see guys on the street that are cute and I catch myself thinking about what our potential babies would look like! Don’t tell me you haven’t  _ ever _ thought about it.”

“Or if not babies, then a wedding,” Jessika teases, giving her a wink.

She hasn’t though. Rey has never let herself imagine a future that included a husband and children. She’s been alone for so long that the thought of something like that, something  _ permanent _ , is foreign to her. And she supposes that it’s strange that she’s never dreamed of something like that, but she’s been too busy trying to secure her basic needs, trying to put herself through school, trying to keep a smile on her face and be positive. 

Romance has never factored into the equation.

Deciding to avoid the topic for now, Rey changes the subject. “I think he may be going on vacation with me in January.”

“I still can’t believe you’re going somewhere in January,” Jessika comments. “It’s going to be so cold.”

“Well, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” Rey tells her. Her probationary period will be up this month and once that’s done, she can take vacation. She had originally planned to take a few days off in January and spend them sitting at home. But as soon as Ben realized she had off-time coming up, he had suggested the two of them go somewhere. “I think Ben is going to choose. We haven’t talked about where to go, but it’s probably best left up to him. I don’t really get to travel.”

“He makes good money too,” Kaydel says. “He’s an attorney  _ and _ his family is loaded. He’ll probably take you somewhere fancy.”

Rey scrunches her nose. She doesn’t know how she feels about Ben taking her somewhere fancy. For one, she doesn’t expect him to pay her part of the trip. She had understood it that she would accompany him somewhere, but pay her part. And if he’s planning on taking her to some swanky resort…

“I won’t fit in,” she says, her good mood diminishing by the second.

Rose crosses the room and tugs at one of her buns. “Hey, now. None of that. He is obviously crazy about you, so you’ll fit in fine.”

But the more Rey thinks about it, the more worried she gets. And it’s not just the vacation. When she starts thinking about what his mother’s house must be like...he’d told her that his family is wealthy, so she wonders how out of her element she’s going to be on Christmas.

*

"I'm so excited!"

Ben is sitting at his desk, his mother on speakerphone, as he pinches the bridge of his nose and waits for her to calm down. It’s three days until Christmas and he’s just confirmed that he’s bringing Rey for breakfast on Christmas Day.

"You've never brought a girl home before."

"Not true," Ben says, frowning.

"Not for Christmas!" Leia argues.

"I spent Christmas with Zorii…"

"Yes, but you didn't bring her  _ home _ , Ben. I know you're sensitive about it, but you must be pretty serious about this girl."

"Woman," he corrects, mostly because he doesn't need any reminders about how much younger she is than him.

"Right, sorry. When you're my age, all young women seem like girls. She  _ is _ young though, isn't she? She looks like it."

"She's twenty-two," Ben admits, and he's a little worried that there's going to be judgment on his mother's end.

"Not surprised," she comments. "Looks like she could be younger."

"And you're good with that?"

"Come on, Ben. There's a decade between your father and I. Do you really think I would care about that?"

"Not the best example," Ben reminds her.

"Speaking of Han, I invited him to Christmas too."

Ben sits up straight in his chair and stares down at his phone. "You  _ what _ ?"

"What? We get along alright for short periods of time...we haven't fought in…"

"You get along alright when you don't speak to one another," Ben hisses. "Now that I've decided to bring my girlfriend to Christmas dinner, you invite him. It's going to be a shitfest." That's his father's word, but it seems very appropriate at the moment.

Leia sighs heavily and the phone speaker crackles. "Have some faith, Benjamin." 

“Just...don’t pick a fight in front of Rey,” he doesn’t like the pleading tone of his voice, but it is what it is. He doesn’t want his parents to embarrass him in front of his girlfriend. He takes a moment to appreciate how ridiculous it is, considering he’s thirty-two and he’s nursing the fears of a teenage boy - but it  _ is _ Leia and Han and they  _ do  _ have a history of making a scene at the most inopportune times.

Leia is quiet for a moment before saying, gently, “You really care about this girl, huh?”

“ _ Woman _ ,” he corrects again, and then he adds, almost in a whisper, “Yes, I care about her a great deal.”

*

Ben’s office and the DA’s office both close on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so they spend the day before Christmas at Ben’s apartment, wrapping presents and making sugary treats. As it turns out, Ben is excellent at making fudge.

Rey moans as she bites into the candy and smirks when she sees that the noise gets Ben’s attention. 

“I’m jealous that the fudge has that effect on you,” Ben scowls, but by now she knows he’s teasing her.

“I think we both know what kind of effect you have on me,” she wiggles her eyebrows at him and his stern exterior cracks, the corner of his mouth lifting. “Although, the way to my heart is probably through my stomach, if I’m being honest.”

He hums. “I cook, you eat. Guess it’s meant to be.” 

It’s said casually, and Rey knows it’s a joke, that they’re teasing one another, but her heart obviously doesn’t understand logic. Her stomach flips as though she’s missed a step and she tears her eyes away from him for a moment. The words are so sweet.  _ Ben _ is so sweet. But she almost wishes he wouldn’t say things like that. She doesn’t fully trust her reactions when he says things that hint at  _ forever _ .

And after the things that Jessika and Kaydel said about babies and imagining a future with someone, Rey has had to constantly stop herself from imagining things with Ben. It had never happened until her friends brought it up, but  _ now _ \- well, the seed has been planted and Rey finds herself trying to stop its growth. And, while she’s not exactly imagining babies or a wedding, for the first time she finds herself thinking about what things will be like for the two of them further down the road. She wonders what it would be like to live with Ben - and not just stay at one of their places together, but  _ really _ move in with Ben, share his space, maybe even choose a place that is their own rather than her moving into his apartment with him.

She thinks about the vacation they’ve already talked about and where they might go. She wonders if they have it in them to make it last. If they’re together long enough, will Ben fall in love with her? It almost seems ridiculous to think about because no one has ever been in love with Rey that she knows of, certainly no one that she wanted to be in love with her…

Does she want him to be in love with her? She watches him as he takes a small piece of fudge and nibbles on it while he stirs the hot cocoa he’s making them on the stove. It’s endearing how properly he eats. She would’ve shoved the whole thing in her mouth in one go because, really, he cut that fudge into bite-size pieces and the three bites he’s taking to eat the piece is excessive. But she’s getting off track here because…

_ Yes _ , she thinks, as her eyes trail the stubborn piece of his hair that falls onto his forehead, that he blows in an attempt to get it away from his eyes. She  _ does _ want him to love her. Maybe she even wants to love him.

*

By the time Christmas morning arrives, Rey is experiencing a mix of nerves and excitement. She had agonized over what to wear, but Ben had been little help, merely suggesting she should wear whatever she wanted. But Rey doubts that choosing yoga pants and a hoodie would have made a good impression, so she’s wearing a charcoal sweater dress and black tights with ankle boots. She’s glad she chose something a little dressier than what she would normally wear because Ben certainly isn’t wearing something just for comfort. His sweater is a dark green that somehow lightens his eyes, bringing out almost a hazel color in his normally dark irises. He’s paired it with dark jeans and brown dress boots. As good as he looks in suits, Rey finds that she prefers this look.

Leia's house is located just outside the city in an area filled with huge homes. It's situated in a swanky subdivision on a golf course. The houses are so close together and so similar that Rey wonders if Ben ever gets lost looking for his mother's house. It seems a rude question to ask, so Rey doesn't. 

Ben drives through the neighborhood, taking twists and turns until Rey is almost convinced that he  _ is _ lost, but then he slows before he takes a final turn and a huge, white brick house comes into view. 

It has a three car garage and a huge circle drive, which Ben pulls into, parking right at the front door. There are a couple of other cars, parked closer to the garage - neither of them as fancy as Ben's. Ben opens her door and helps her step down as she gapes up at the house.

He clears his throat. "That wealthy grandfather I told you about? He was in real estate development before politics. He was the man responsible for building this subdivision. This was the first house here."

"It's beautiful," Rey murmurs, once again feeling out of place. 

Ben takes her hand with his free one - the other is carrying a bag with several wrapped presents - and tugs her along after him as he climbs the front steps. The front entrance is a set of double doors that are painted a red and decorated with twin Christmas wreaths. Ben presses the doorbell and Rey takes a step closer to him, then slides slightly behind him.

One of the doors swings open to reveal a tall man with grey hair and some facial scruff he clearly didn’t bother to shave this morning. One corner of the man’s lips turn up when he looks at Ben and Rey knows  _ immediately _ that this is Ben’s dad. The smirk, the nose, the jawline, the eye shape...it couldn’t be clearer. His coloring is all wrong, but she can see it in the angels of his face.

“Hey, Dad,” Ben says, “How about you let us in?”

“Oh, sure,” the man steps aside and makes a grand sweeping motion with his hand.

If Ben finds it odd that his dad answered the door at a house he distinctly told Rey belonged to his mother, he doesn’t show it. His dad sticks out his hand and Ben shakes it, then turns to her as they step inside, the door closing behind them.

Ben gives her a smile and then says, “So Dad, this is…”

“Your girlfriend?” He smirks again, raising his eyebrows, then glances at Rey. “She’s pretty. How’d you pull it off?”

Rey can’t help but grin back at him and off her hand to him. “I’m Rey Niima.”

“Han Solo,” he says and shakes the hand she offers. 

"Is that Ben?" A female voice calls from beyond the foyer. 

"Yeah," Han hollers back and jerks his head in the direction of the voice. "Go on, kid. No use hiding in here. Won't do you any good anyway," he mutters to Ben.

Ben steers Rey towards a long hallway that opens up to a spacious family room where a massive Christmas tree is displayed near a fireplace. Ben's mother and another man, who Rey assumes is Ben's uncle, are sitting on the couch, both wearing glasses, while they flip through a large binder.

"Fuck," Ben breathes, barely loud enough for her to catch.

"Ben!" Leia croons, and beckons them over to the sectional sofa. "Look, your dad brought this album…"

Rey catches Ben throwing his dad a look of utmost betrayal, to which Han responds with a shrug, before shuffling to the couch. He drops the bag of gifts near the tree and collapses on the couch near his mother, looking every bit the sullen teenager Rey suspects he probably was. He pats the spot next to him and Rey happily joins him, patting his knee in support.

Leia shoves the album towards Ben, who doesn't reach out to take it, but recoils a little. Leia ignores him and goes on, "I haven't seen some of these photos in  _ years _ ."

Ben remembers himself amidst the embarrassment, it seems because he says, "Oh, Luke, this is Rey Niima, my girlfriend." The man on the other side of Leia leans forward. He's bearded, and grey, and his is maybe a bit too long for someone his age to be stylish, but his bright blue eyes are open and warm. "Rey, this is my uncle, Luke Skywalker."

"Nice to meet you, Rey," he says.

She gives him a bright smile, "Good to meet you as well."

Ben seems to endure the trip down memory lane and Rey finds genuine delight in getting a look at all the different versions of Ben - six years old, adorable ears sticking out of messy hair as he shows off a pulled tooth; Ben at fifteen, ridiculously tall and awkwardly skinny as he stands next to his dad at a cabin in the woods; Ben at twenty-two, donning a cap and gown at his college graduation, his face looking so young and hopeful.

Eventually, Leia takes pity on Ben and closes the album, announcing that Charles should be about done with breakfast and leads them all to the dining room.

What appears to be a feast is already set on the table with every breakfast item that Rey can imagine - eggs, bacon, biscuits, ham, hash browns, pancakes, waffles, fresh fruit, and muffins.

"Wow," she breathes, and her tummy chooses that moment to give an enthusiastic rumble of approval.

Ben gives a low chuckle and places a hand on the small of her back, guiding her to a chair. Luke and Han sit across from them and Leia sits to Ben’s left at the end of the table. Rey has never been invited to have a meal with a boyfriend’s family, so she isn’t sure how to act. But thankfully, Ben’s family does their best to make it easier. They keep up a constant conversation flow, asking about her job and whether or not she likes working for Amilyn.

“She’s wonderful,” Rey tells them honestly. “Best boss ever.”

“She thinks a lot of you,” Leia tells her. “She mentioned that you were fresh out of school when you started with her. What was your major?”

“Criminal justice,” Rey tells her.

“Huh, same as Ben,” Luke comments, turning to his nephew. 

Ben is quiet, but that’s not abnormal really. She knows that he’s normally quiet and withdrawn outside of their private interactions, so she doesn’t worry too much about it. He just nods in response to Luke’s observation.

“You gonna become a lawyer too?” Han asks her.

“Oh, no, I don’t think so,” Rey says. It’s not something she’s ever considered or been interested in. She knows they’re probably just asking because that’s the path that Ben chose.

“Good,” Han grunts, pushing his fork around his plate. “Ben’s been miserable ever since Leia made him go to law school.”

There’s a clatter from Leia’s place and Rey’s head snaps up to see that she’s dropped her fork on her plate and her wide, dark eyes are turned to Han. “That is  _ not _ …”

Han holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m not trying to start anything, now, Princess. Just an observation…”

“Really?” Leia asks, her voice dangerously calm - even Rey can pick up on that. “Because every time you have the opportunity to bring up how much you  _ hate _ the idea that Ben went to law school, you…”

“I didn’t hate the idea that Ben went to law school,” Han’s voice rises and Rey feels Ben stiffen beside her. Her eyes shift to him and sees that he’s staring down at his plate, his jaw clenched and his fork gripped tightly in his hands. “What I hated was that you  _ forced _ him to go to law school…”

“Now, Han,” Luke says, turning to the man beside him. “Ben’s an adult. Leia didn’t force him to…”

“I only wanted him to see that his potential…”Leia’s voice rises and then all three are speaking at once, loudly - not quite yelling, but enough that Rey is instantly uncomfortable. Her hand finds Ben’s thigh and she squeezes it in what she hopes is a reassuring way. 

He looks up at her slowly and she can see that his patience is wearing thin. It’s not as though he has a lot of patience to go around anyway, but these people are pushing him, and she’s not sure how to calm him. Before she can offer him anything - a word, a gentle touch - Ben shoves back from the table and stands.

His family falls silent. 

“Can you just fucking stop?” He asks through gritted teeth. His voice is shaking slightly, as are his hands. He’s not looking at any of them, but rather his attention is focused on a random spot, seemingly on the plate of blueberry muffins. “I brought a guest, so if all you could just not act like yourselves for a couple of fucking hours, that would be great.”

Rey’s breath freezes in her lungs as she stares up at Ben. He sounds so embarrassed, and yet so resigned, as though he knew this was going to happen but had hoped for something different. All eyes are on him now and she knows that he hates that. She doesn’t know if he would welcome her touch right now, but she can’t help it, she wants to try.

Her hand finds his and she squeezes his fingers. He doesn’t look at her, but he squeezes back.

Leia clears her throat. “I’m sorry, Ben. We all are. We aren’t fighting, sweetheart. You know how we are…”

“I do,” he interrupts, nodding his head. “But can you just  _ not _ be for a while?”

He pulls Rey to her feet and pulls her along after him back into the family room and plops down. He makes to pull her down next to him again, but instead, Rey slides onto his left thigh, not really caring if this is appropriate in front of his parents and uncle, and wraps her arms around his neck.

“‘M sorry,” he mumbles into her shoulder.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she tells him as she presses kisses against his jaw. 

After a few minutes the other three join them and Leia announces that it’s time for presents and proceeds to pass them out.

“So Rey, what did Ben get you?” Han asks. He’s taken a seat in a chair across the room, clearly deciding that he needs some space between him and Leia for the moment.

“He’s making me wait,” she answers, giving Ben a playful glare. “I wanted us to open our gifts to one another this morning, but he said we had to wait until tonight.”

“Saving the best for last,” Ben mumbles, his dark eyes twinkling as he looks at her.

And so Rey decides to be patient as she sits perched on Ben’s lap and watches his family exchange gifts. Han has a small stack too, but he’s watching everyone else, seemingly waiting until they’re all done. Leia badgers him about it, so he finally starts opening them. Ben’s gifts are the last ones he gets to, and Rey knows what they are, so she turns in Ben’s lap so she can watch him open it.

Han peels the shiny wrapping paper away from the first one, revealing a wooden box. He mildly fusses at Ben over how much tape he’s used. When he finally frees the rosewood box from the wrapping paper, he runs his fingers over the monogramming on the top and one corner of his mouth twitches up in the start of a grin. His eyes flicker to Ben.

Han flips open the latch and, while Rey can’t see the contents, she knows that he’s looking at a flask set with stainless steel shot glasses. Engraved on the flask are the initials  _ H S _ , and beneath that, a pair of dice is etched into the metal. And while Rey doesn’t exactly understand the significance of the dice, Ben had assured her that his father would like the touch of detail. Afterward, he lifts the bag with the second part of the gift and pulls out some fancy scotch Ben had mentioned his father loves.

The half-smile turns into a grin as Han looks back up at Ben. “Thanks, kid.”

Luke strides over to peer at the box and the bottle of scotch, so Han turns the flask set where Ben’s uncle can see it better. Han’s still wearing his pleased smile, but Rey watches as Luke’s brows pull together and the corners of his mouth turn down. She finds her expression mirroring Luke’s as she wonders what’s caused him to make such a face.

His blue eyes find Ben, and Rey feels him go still beneath her. He practically stops breathing, and Rey turns to him, a question on her lips, but she stops when she sees his face. His dark eyes are blank, as is the rest of his face, as he stares at Luke.

“What?” He asks, his tone flat, but a little too loud.

Leia finally seems to realize that something else has gone amiss as she looks up from the cashmere scarf she received from Ben. Her eyes move between Luke and Ben, then shift to the gift in Han’s lap. Her eyes widen and her lips purse. 

“Luke,” there’s a warning in Leia’s tone, but Luke doesn’t seem ready to heed it.

“Isn’t that a little inappropriate?” Luke asks, and  _ oh,  _ but his tone is condescending. 

“What’s inappropriate about my kid getting me a gift?” Han asks loudly. He snaps the rosewood box shut as he glares at Luke’s back.

Luke adopts something that looks like a mournful expression as he looks from Ben, then behind him to Han. Slowly, he turns to Leia, who is giving him what can only be described as a death glare. “So we’re going to pretend that this isn’t the last thing in the world Ben should be gifting?”

“Oh, shut up, Luke!” Han snaps. 

“You shut up!” Leia intervenes, shifting her glare to Han. “Luke may not be handling this with tact, but…”

Rey is  _ lost _ . The inappropriateness of Ben gifting his father a flask set and a bottle of scotch is lost on her. Is Ben’s family staunchly against alcohol consumption? Is Han an alcoholic? She looks back to Ben, who has once again adopted the look of someone barely containing his rage. The muscle beneath his left eye is twitching and his mouth is trembling a bit, as though with the effort to hold in some choice words.

“But nothing! Kid gets his old man a gift and the two of you act like it’s some cardinal sin…”

“Because Ben shouldn’t be going around  _ anything  _ associated with alcohol,” Luke says.

“I live above a fucking bar, Luke,” Ben growls, clearly unable to hold back anymore.

“Which is just one more bad decision!” Luke’s voice raises now too, where before he had been the calmest of the group.

“Luke, come on! This is what you’re going to make a big deal out of? He lives above a bar and you’re worried about him buying me flask and some scotch?” Han scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“He’s right, Luke,” Leia sighs. “It’s just a gift…”

Luke throws his arms up, clearly exasperated. “Look, the apartment above the bar is worrying enough, but then he’s buying flasks and alcohol for his father, which could very easily lead to him buying…”

“We’re leaving,” Ben says suddenly, and before she knows it, Rey is being pushed off Ben’s lap so suddenly that she almost topples over. She rights herself quickly as Ben stands up after her. 

“Oh, no,” Leia says, her eyes suddenly wide with worry. “Ben, don’t leave.”

“No, Ben,” Luke chimes in, stepping toward his nephew. “There’s no need for that. I can leave. I wasn’t…” The older man sighs and runs a hand through his shaggy hair. “I wasn’t trying to start something. I just worry about you…”

“Well, stop,” Ben says, cutting him off. He’s gathering his gifts, but then he seems to think better of it and takes hold of Rey’s hand. “I can’t- I’m not doing this.”

“Ben, wait,” Han says, moving the box and the scotch out of his way so he can get up.

Ben’s eyes find his dad’s and he shakes his head. “Sorry, Dad, I’ve got to go…”

“Ben, sweetheart, at least take your gifts,” Leia is following them as Ben pulls her through the house.

“I’ll get them later,” he calls over his shoulder.

He’s out the door before Rey knows what’s happening. He opens the door for her and slams it shut again before Rey’s bottom hits the seat. Her mouth falls open as she watches him stomp around the front of the car. Her eyes swing back to the front door, where Leia is standing on the threshold, watching them leave. 

When Ben gets in, Rey opens her mouth to ask what the hell just happened, but the look he gives her makes her mouth snap shut again. So she waits. She waits for them to get out of the driveway, out of the subdivision, and back on the highway. But Rey isn’t accustomed to keeping her mouth shut when something’s on her mind, especially not where Ben is concerned, so after what she deems an acceptable amount of time, she starts in on him.

“What was that all about?” She asks him. He’s speeding and gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles are white. He just shakes his head at her. She feels her temper spike. “I deserve an explanation for whatever the fuck that was!”

Ben’s head snaps around to look at her and he bares his teeth. “Maybe it’s none of your fucking business, Rey. I should’ve  _ known _ this would be a fucking disaster.”

“None of my business!? You and your family speak in some secret code  _ in front of me _ and it’s none of my business? I’m your girlfriend! Shouldn’t I know what the fuck happened?”

“What happened is that someone in my family is always ready to cause a scene, always willing to assume the worst of me for no good reason...and it’s not always Luke.” He shakes his head and mutters something she doesn’t catch. He clears his throat. “Sometimes it’s Mom. Dad. It’s always something.”

She’s missing a huge piece of the puzzle, she knows. But she can’t make sense of what happened at Leia’s house or what Ben is talking about now. And despite Ben telling her it’s  _ none of her business _ she finds that she firmly disagrees. 

“Look, you need to talk to me,” she tries to plead with him. “Help me understand. None of that made any sense. Is-is your dad a drinker or something?”

She thinks she probably shouldn’t have asked that question as soon as it leaves her lips, but it had been her first idea of why his uncle may have been upset. Ben barks a mirthless laugh. He looks half wild right now - his dark eyes wide and bright, his teeth clenched so hard she can see the tension in his jaw.

“My dad’s not a drinker,” he says in a low voice. “Or rather, he  _ is _ , but he’s not a problematic drinker.”

Rey stares at him from across the car, waiting for the other shoe to drop because she can  _ feel _ it. There’s something dark that’s been locked away and Ben’s about to release it. His chest moves with his labored breathing and pushes his tousled dark hair away from his face. His eyes slide to her. 

“It’s me, Rey. I’m an alcoholic.”


	13. All your insecurities, all the dirty laundry never made me blink one time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry
> 
> Sorry this took so long, but the reality is that I am not a fast writer lol. Not even a little. I have to be super inspired to churn out even a chapter a week, so I'm just glad this didn't take a full month.
> 
> Also, I made my very first aesthetic! I'm not great with technology, nor super crafty, but at least I got a little visual art now :)
> 
> There's a lot of fluff in this chapter...same as the last few...and it will be fluffy for a little bit. But I feel like I owe everyone the fluff because the bad stuff is coming in a few chapters...

This isn’t how Ben imagined telling her about his demons. There is a part of him that considered  _ never _ telling her, but he knows he owes her honesty. But blurting out his failures on the interstate still a half hour outside Alderaan is not something he ever imagined doing. 

His eyes are on the road as he waits for her reaction. He can’t look at her anymore right now. He doesn’t think he can handle the disappointment or the horror or the disgust or whatever else she may be feeling. He keeps his eyes on the traffic in front of him as the silence stretches for what feels like forever, but what is probably only about ten seconds.

“I’ve never seen you drink,” she says.

_ That _ is not what he expected, but he still doesn’t look at her. He’s chewing at the inside of his cheek, waiting for the other shoe to drop, when she continues. “We spend a lot of time together, but I’ve never seen you consume any alcohol. Even that night at the bar…”

Ben clears his throat. “You wouldn’t have seen it and you  _ won’t _ see it ever. I’m a recovering alcoholic, Rey. I haven’t had a drink in over two years.”

She’s quiet for a moment. Then, “So what happened back there was an epic overreaction…”

Ben snorts and chances a glance at her. Her brows are pinched and she looks confused, as though trying to piece together something that just doesn’t make sense. “Yeah, overreaction would be the appropriate term.”

“You live above a bar - a bar that you’ve visited - and haven’t fallen off the wagon, but your uncle is worried because you bought your dad some whiskey?”

She doesn’t sound near as horrified as he thought she would. Ben nods, “It’s like Luke forgets that I could buy liquor any time I want. Being an alcoholic doesn’t bar me from buying any. If I really wanted it, I could buy it any time, but I buy some  _ for my dad _ and get scolded like a child.”

Ben takes the exit that will lead them back into downtown. He’s not sure how comfortable she is with him now that he’s spilled the beans about his addiction, but even if she wants to go home, she’ll have to get her car first, so he heads to his apartment.

“I know that’s probably more baggage than you thought you’d be dealing with…” He starts.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she cuts in, the tone of her voice carrying a warning. “Don’t even act like you’re going to play martyr and give me a way out, Solo. You’re stuck with me.”

He fights a smile even as something in his chest twists painfully. She doesn’t know what she’s saying. If she had been there to see what he’d turned into- the anger, the self-hatred, the violent fits that saw him destroying everything in his path- it’s a kind of ugly that he knows she couldn’t overlook, not with her past being what it is.

When they make it to his apartment, Rey heads straight for the rear entrance, not even looking in the direction of her car. He knows her grand statement in the car wasn’t a lie, but he also wonders if she will say she needs some space after witnessing all his family drama. He follows after her slowly and she’s waiting for him in front of his door.

He lets her in and she immediately takes off her coat.

“Do I get my present now?” She asks, collapsing on his couch. Her eyes are already trained on the box under the tree with her name on it.

“Rey…”

“Hmm?” She looks up and must see something in his face. She frowns and sits up straighter, patting at the spot next to her. 

Ben heaves a sigh and makes his way toward her, taking the seat she’s offered. He can’t relax though, so he sits with his elbows on his knees, chewing at his thumbnail, knowing that they need to talk, that  _ he _ needs to talk. Rey actually seems fine with moving on from their conversation, but Ben is hung up on it.

“It wasn’t pretty, Rey,” he tells her, his eyes are fixed on one of the ornaments hanging from his tree. It’s one of the pipe cleaners she had twisted until she’d managed to shape it like a snowflake. It looks like a second grader crafted it and Ben fucking loves it.

“Okay,” she says, sliding her hand around his bicep and leaning into him. “I’m guessing alcoholism is never pretty, Ben.”

“You would’ve hated me.”

“I could never hate you,” she insists. “Besides, that’s not who you are now and isn’t that what matters?”

“If you had been around back then, there’s no way that-” He stops and takes a breath, feeling a little winded just from the thought of not having her in his life. He can’t even bring himself to say it.  _ There’s no way that you would want me _ .

“I wasn’t around back then,” she says casually. “I’m here now, though, so don’t-” She lets out something between a sigh and a growl of frustration. “Don’t pull away from me because you’re worried about what I’d think about your past self, okay? I’m here and I’m pretty crazy about you.”

He looks at her then, at the earnest, open expression on her face, the look in those hazel eyes that begs him to let her words sink in. He leans over, his hand finding her cheek, and his mouth finds hers. And it’s crazy, really, how touching her instantly makes the pain subside. He isn’t sure he can put a name to what he feels for her; he only knows that it’s big and all-consuming, something that can create or destroy. And he’s terrified.

But he’s never been one for self-preservation anyway.

When she pulls away, it’s too soon, and Ben gives her playful pout that coaxes out her dimples.

“I want my present now,” she informs him.

And what else can he do but give her what she wants?

*

The lightness she feels when he looks at her like that is indescribable. Rey feels like she could float away into the abyss still smiling. He gets off the couch to fulfill her demands, but has to pry his arm out of her grasp because she doesn’t want to let go of him. She’s still beaming when he makes his way to the tree.

She unabashedly checks out his ass when he bends over to lift the gifts they’ve bought one another. He seems clueless as to what she was looking at when he turns around.  _ Poor, dumb, beautiful boy _ , Rey thinks as he comes back to the couch to join her.

Ben sets a small box in her lap and then sets his considerably larger box in his. Rey is anxious for him to open his first, wanting to see his reaction, but the look on his face dampens some of her excitement. He’s frowning as he looks between the two boxes.

“Ben, what…?”

“Maybe I should’ve gotten you something else,” he says, chewing on the corner of his lip. “I mean, it’s not a shit gift by any means, but it just…”

“Oh, my God, Ben!” She slaps his thigh and it seems to snap him out of his ridiculousness. “Open your gift.”

“Fine,” he grumbles, carefully peeling the tape away from the paper as though he’s trying to preserve it. 

“You can just rip into, you know,” she says.

“But you worked so hard on the wrapping,” he insists as he unfolds the flap.

Rey rolls her eyes and tries to be patient as she watches him unwrap his gift like he’s handling a bomb. Finally,  _ finally _ , Ben gets the paper off and stares down at the wooden chess board. The board is a carrying case, carrying the hand-carved pieces inside. Ben looks up at her and gifts her with that boyish grin that drives her crazy.

She feels a blush heating her cheeks, but manages to tell him. “The pieces and the board are also magnetic. You mentioned that you used to play with your Dad, I figured maybe you could teach me…”

She doesn’t finish the thought before he’s leaned in and kissed her again. “Thanks, sweetheart,” he murmurs against her lips. “Just promise you won’t be pissed when I kick your ass.”

“Benjamin! I’ll have you know I have  _ incredible  _ beginner’s luck with most things. Just promise you won’t cry when I spank you at your little boardgame.”

“Hmm spanking,” Ben says with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Don’t look at me like that. I haven’t even opened my gift yet and we’re getting off track,” she laughs as she turns her attention to the little box in her lap. She tears off the wrapping paper, cutting her eyes at Ben just in time to see him wince theatrically at her unwrapping skills. She quickly sticks her tongue out at him before turning her attention to the box.  _ Of course _ , it’s taped like he’s trying to prevent her from actually getting into it. She huffs as she tears at the adhesive, finally flipping open the box.

Inside is what appears to be a mint green bracelet. Her first thought is that she likes the color - green  _ is _ her favorite color. The second is that she thinks what she’s looking at is some kind of smart watch. As she’s lifting it out though, she realizes that the center of the watch doesn’t have a watch face, but instead the head of a certain  _ very famous mouse _ .

“Ben,” she breathes, holding it up to confirm that she is indeed looking at the Mouse. “What- is this-”

“It’s a Magic Band,” he tells her, as though he’s not sure if she actually knows that. She definitely  _ does _ , though not because she’s ever had the fortune of using one.

“Yes, I know,” she says, slightly impatiently. “But why- what does it-”

And Ben, bless him, is patient as he listens to her ramble. “You use these for everything inside the parks. I can link it up to my credit card, it’s our room key, it’s how we use Fast Passes…”

“Ben!” She interrupts him, and he looks up at her, eyes wide and innocent. “Does this mean that I’m- that we’re-” Holy  _ fuck _ , why can she not talk? And then,  _ of course _ , she feels the sting of hers in her eyes. 

His brows deep down the second he notices. “Rey, hey, it’s- I’m sorry, do you not want to…”

“Shut up,” she tells him, flinging her arms around his neck. “Or rather, before you shut up, please explain to me what...:”

“Our vacation in January? I’ve already booked it. Hope it’s okay. Florida is apparently nice year round…”

“You’re taking me to Disney?” She finally croaks, burying her face in his neck.

“Yes?”

She scrambles onto his lap then, wrapping her legs around his waist and pecking his cheek with kisses. She feels the rumble of his chuckle in his chest rather than hears it. 

“I did okay then?” He asks.

“You did  _ perfect _ .”

*

_ This is why I didn’t get into family law _ . 

Ben’s blissful holiday had ended all too soon and now he finds himself sitting in a conference room with a client who seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to his divorce. Ben has never been able to handle people who cry, especially people he doesn’t know well. The man sitting across from him has tears swimming in his eyes.

“She leaves me, then she wants my kids, and now she wants half my retirement? I don’t know what I did to make her want to bleed me dry.” 

Ben clears his throat. “Mr. Peters, I’m going to remind you that just because this is what your wife is asking for doesn’t mean that you have to agree to it or that the judge will grant it. It’s unlikely that she will get full custody since the two of you live within ten minutes of one another and you have a healthy relationship with your children.”

“She has a career of her own!” The client goes on, shaking his head as he stares down at the table. “She makes better money than I do and I’m sure she has her own retirement account…” Mr. Peters pauses, rubbing at his eyes. “I must sound terrible, complaining about the money she wants…”

“It’s a tense time,” Ben says, really wanting to move on from this. Gently, he tries to segue to the true purpose of the meeting. “Now, she’s let us know what she wants, so what are some things that we need to counter with?”

“Shared custody,” Mr. Peters says immediately. “It’s not fair…”

“You should ask for full custody,” Ben suggests. “It’s what she’s done and, while it’s unlikely that the judge will give either of you full, sole custody, she’s set a precedent by asking for it first.”

Mr. Peters covers his eyes. “She’s going to hate me if I do that…”

_ She already hates you _ , Ben thinks, but manages to not say it out loud. Instead, he says, “You shouldn’t be concerned with trying to make her happy. Your priority here should be fairness.”

When his client moves his hand, Ben sees the utter brokenness of the man in front of him. He looks so tired and sad and just... _ resigned _ . Ben’s not great at empathy with most people, so he moves the meeting along, taking notes on what his client wants to ask for in their answer to Mrs. Peters’s petition. 

Ben breathes a sigh of relief when the man leaves his office. He wonders if his father ever acted like that,  _ felt _ like that, when his marriage to Leia was ending. Outwardly, Han hadn’t shown much more than aggravation. Had Han kept his facade up in front of his family while having a breakdown in front of his attorney? Ben has access to the divorce records, could easily pull it up, but it’s part of the ugliness of his family that he doesn’t want to know.

Ben looks at his parents' marriage as a cautionary tale for anyone thinking opposites can make it work. He knows from stories that it was a whirlwind romance that culminated in a thrown-together wedding after Leia found out she was pregnant.

Leia had been in her senior year of college, and while she graduated on time - though with a very obvious bump - she had had to put off law school for a year. And then, after Ben's first birthday she was just...gone. All the time.

Between studying for law school and clerking, Leia had never been home. Han had, for a time, and Ben has memories of his dad trying to cook them supper and letting him fall asleep with the television on.

But Han had grown resentful and eventually he found a way to bail too. He'd started working out of town, so Leia had dipped into her savings account that her parents had set up and hired a nanny.

Ben supposes he was a difficult child. Overly sensitive, his father said once. Too temperamental, Leia explained. He was an affectionate child with no one around to love him, so he became angry. All that anger later resulted in numerous fights at school. Ben pushes away that line of thinking though - he has never been one to blame his parents for his failings, though he often feels that  _ he _ is the reason for his parents’ failings.

Han and Leia’s epic breakup is one reason why Ben has a negative view of marriage, but handling divorce cases reinforces his skepticism of the institution. Half of marriages end in divorce and Ben can’t understand why so many people bother with it. Even if two people fall in love and have a somewhat healthy relationship, it can be argued that people are always changing - their wants and needs change and the two people that fell in love initially become two completely different people over time - and then they wake up one day and look at the stranger sitting across the table from them and wonder how they got there.

Ben doesn’t necessarily think that that’s what happened with his parents. He doubts either of them have drastically changed, but what they  _ wanted _ certainly did. He imagines that, at first, the fact that they challenged one another made things interesting. But as the years went on, it must have gotten tiring. 

Now, Ben has a front row seat to the dissolution of marriages everyday.  _ Is it really worth all this _ \- that’s the question that plays on a loop inside his head as he watches the foundations crack on families on a day to day basis. He can’t understand why people give themselves over to another person, opening themselves up to be crushed completely. He can’t remember the last time he believed in something  _ lasting _ . All things are temporary, afterall.

That thought brings him up short as his mind drifts to Rey. He tries to keep thoughts of her separate from his more pessimistic musings, but his brain seems unable to keep from focusing on her for too lengthy of a period. He doesn’t want to bring her into this, doesn’t want to think about Rey in relation to how he feels about  _ marriage _ , but the seed is there and he can’t stop it.

He can’t imagine being without her. He likens meeting her to the sun finally coming up and illuminating his miserable life. He cringes at his own mental description, but it is what it is. Every moment he has with her means the world to him and he hasn’t been reluctant with his affection towards her. But he doesn’t want to go too far, doesn’t want to fall into something that will leave him in the kind of condition that that poor bastard Peters is in. Ben has had pathetic moments in his life and he is  _ done _ with them. 

He worries that maybe he’s already on a slippery slope with Rey though. He’s never been in love and he  _ isn’t _ going to call this...thing with Rey that either, though he can’t help but admit it’s stronger than anything else he’s felt. He knows he  _ could  _ fall in love with Rey - anyone can fall in love, but he feels like he’s adept enough at self control that he can keep a handle on his emotions. 

It will end one day, he knows that. Ben is  _ Ben _ , after all - messy and difficult and grumpy. And someday, Rey will change her mind about him, his flaws will no longer be endearing, and she will leave. Ben knows that he probably needs to practice a little more self-preservation where she is concerned.

And after all, at some point, Luke will get better and Ben will move back to Coruscant. It’s only a matter of time.

But for now, he can enjoy what he has with Rey. For now, he can hold her and do nice things for her and pretend that he deserves her. He has no delusions about their future, but sometimes, it’s nice to forget about the end for a while.

  
  


*

“The man got you a trip to Disney?!”

“Shh!” Rey hisses at Rose, glancing behind her to the mostly empty courtroom. They’ve just returned from lunch and most of the clients set on the two o’clock docket haven’t shown up yet. One person looks up at Rose’s outburst, only mildly curious, before looking away again. “Yes,” Rey answers her.

“But you’ve been dating, what, like right at two months? Rey, that poor man must be nuts about you.”

“Well, the feeling is mutual,” she murmurs, feeling a smile tug at her mouth at the thought of Ben.

“Wow, you two are in so  _ deep _ ,” Rose says, shaking her head. “And I can’t even get a date from a guy that doesn’t creep me out.”

A fit of coughing startles both girls and they jump before turning to look at Finn, who has just entered through the side door. He clears his throat. “The, uh, prisoners are out in the hallway. Wanted to make sure that you guys are ready for them…” He jerks his thumb towards the door and pointedly avoids looking at Rose.

“Oh, you can bring them in here whenever you’re ready,” Rose says. “The judge will probably want to see them first anyway.”

“Good, cool, I’ll bring them in now,” Finn mumbles and opens the door to let the inmates through.

Rey shakes her head, wondering how in the world these two idiots haven’t figured it out yet, when Rose continues. “So, just a few weeks til vacation then. I’m guessing excited doesn’t even begin to cover it, huh?”

Rey shakes her head. “I’m still in denial, I think. It’s going to sound stupid, probably, but it’s like a dream come true. As a kid, I always wanted to go - I mean, what kid doesn’t? - but I knew I’d never get to. What’s weird is that Ben’s never been either.”

“Really? That’s crazy. I mean, he’s Leia’s son and they’ve always had money, you said...she never took him on vacation?”

“Not to Disney World, apparently,” Rey bites her lip, unsure if she should share the rest of what she knows. But she needs someone to talk to besides Ben, so she goes for it. “Honestly, I’m not sure she took him anywhere. She traveled a lot, but Ben said he was left at home ⁸most of the time while she traveled. I can’t...I don’t know...I can’t imagine not taking my kids with me on  _ any  _ vacations. I get that she probably needed some adult time, and she was busy, but to never take him anywhere?” Rey shakes her head, willing herself to stop because she’s afraid she’s dipping into judgmental territory, which she tries not to do. But because she has a vested interest in Ben’s feelings and his past, she can’t quite shake her disapproval of how his parents handled things.

“To be honest, it is hard to picture that dude at Disney,” Rose admits. “He’s so serious. Does he even like fun?”

“Rose!” Rey rolls her eyes and grins at her friend. “Of course he does. It’s just that his idea of fun is like, solving puzzles and playing chess...and,  _ oh _ , organization.” Rey snickers. “You should see how he put up the Christmas decorations. Everything has labels. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him look so pleased with something that didn’t involve sex.”

Rose covers her giggle with her hand. “God, Rey, you’re dating a nerd!”

“I know!”

“A really hot nerd, but still!”

“Those are the best kind though!”

“Right?!”

“Ladies, what is so funny?” Jannah appears at Rey’s side, draping an arm over her shoulder.

“Ben Solo is a nerd,” Rose summarizes, snorting as she separates the files for the afternoon dockets. 

Jannah frowns. “I could’ve told you that months ago.”

“And he’s taking our little Rey of Sunshine to Disney in a few weeks!”

“Whoa! Maybe I need to find myself a nerd,” Jannah gives her a wink. “Just not one as grouchy as Solo.”

The afternoon proves to be busy and Rey doesn’t get the pleasure of ogling Ben in court because apparently he has other things to do, but when she leaves the building just after five o’clock, he’s waiting in the parking lot, his car parked next to hers. She feels a smile break out onto her face and jogs the rest of the way to him.

“I, uh, didn’t want you walking out into the dark parking lot by yourself,” he explains, as though he needs to give her a reason for waiting on her after work.

She beams up at him and then pecks him on the cheek. “Best boyfriend ever,” she teases, but as she watches him roll his eyes, she admits that it’s not really a joke, nor is she being overly sentimental.

As he opens her door and kisses her nose, murmuring quietly about whose place they’re going to, Rey realizes with a sudden rush of affection that Ben might just be the best thing that’s ever happened to her.

*

Orlando in January is definitely warmer than what Rey is accustomed to. She and Ben are able to wear short sleeves and shorts everyday and Rey only makes fun of Ben  _ a little bit _ for his startlingly white legs. He only makes fun of her a little bit for forgetting to shave her legs or bring a razor when her own legs are on display.

She can tell the crowds bother him at times. Everywhere they go, people are shoulder to shoulder. Every time someone brushes against Ben, he stiffens, the line of his mouth flattens, and he looks like he's half a second away from throttling whoever touched him. She uses her old tricks from when they first started seeing one another, calming him with her touch. It works for the most part.

More than once, when he stiffens and she can practically feel his vibrating with tension, he mutters an apology. “Sorry, sweetheart. It’s just...crowds,” he shrugs, looks a little embarrassed. But Rey is always quick to assure him that his anxiety doesn’t bother her and it’s nothing for him to be ashamed of.

Rey did have her doubts about whether or not Ben would actually enjoy the rides, especially since he got so sick on the bus to their hotel that he had to buy Dramamine - but as it turns out, as long as Ben takes his nausea medicine, he's game for pretty much anything, including the rides Rey secretly finds daunting, like Everest and Tower of Terror.

As much as Ben seems to enjoy the more thrilling rides, his favorite part of Disney turns out to be the food. While Rey is normally more enthusiastic about food than Ben, it’s clear that he quite enjoys the turkey legs, as well as the restaurants inside Epcot that offer foods from different countries. He even indulges in a Mickey Mouse ice cream bar, despite his claims that he isn’t fond of sweets.

Rey, of course, loves Magic Kingdom, specifically Tomorrowland. She makes Ben wait in line for two hours the second time they ride Space Mountain, having used a Fast Pass the first time. Ben takes a peculiar amount of joy in shooting the aliens in the Buzz Lightyear ride and it occurs to Rey that maybe both of them grew up a little too fast. 

It's obviously the best vacation Rey has ever been on, but it seems like Ben feels the same way. Despite his discomfort with the crowds, Rey has never seen him so relaxed, never seen him smile so much. He even buys her a pair of Minnie Mouse ears, complete with the polka-dot bow, and refrains from giving her hell about wearing them the whole time.

On their last night, they're standing amidst a crowd in Magic Kingdom as the fireworks blast overhead. Rey catches him watching the flares of colorful shapes with something like awe. As a mouse head flashes in the sky, Ben's dark hair turns almost blue in its light, his eyes taking on an almost golden hue.

_ You're beautiful,  _ Rey thinks to herself fondly.

But there's something else there too, something that makes her chest feel tight when she looks at him, something that threatens to steal her breath. And deep down, she knows what it is. There have been hints at the feeling before this moment, so it's not shocking by any means. But this time, the words start to form in her mind as she takes his hand. He squeezes back in acknowledgment and Rey quickly looks away, seeking a distraction to stop the complete thought from forming.

She can't deal with it right now because it's too soon. She doesn't want to latch onto the feeling when she knows Ben doesn't feel the same yet. But there's no denying to herself what it is. 

For now, it's her own little secret that will remain unnamed and tucked away for another time.

*

Ben almost doesn't answer the call. He’s elbows-deep in work since he took a week off to go to Disney with Rey, and she’s really the only person he cares to talk to right now. When he takes a second to check his phone and sees that it isn’t her nor anyone else he knows, he almost ignores the call altogether. He has a habit of sending unfamiliar numbers straight to voice-mail. He doesn't like talking on the phone anyway, especially to someone he doesn't know. The only reason he relents is because it’s a Coruscant area code. 

"Solo?" He answers it, announcing his name more like it's a question.

"Oh, I'm so glad I got you!" The feminine voice is vaguely familiar. "It's been awhile!"

Ben is silent for long enough that there's nervous laughter on the other end. Finally, he says, "May I ask who's calling?"

"Right, um, Bazine Netal? We were…"

"Right, Bazine," Ben remembers her, though he's perplexed as to why she's calling. "Uh, what can I do for you?"

"Oh, of course, I just wanted to get ahold of you to get your current contact information. Professor Kenobi is retiring and some of the graduates still in Coruscant are throwing him a retirement party. Figured you’d want to come.”

“Finally retiring, huh?” Ben almost can’t imagine it. Though his old law professor is practically  _ ancient _ , the man still taught with such enthusiasm and with such a sharp mind that it’s hard for Ben to picture him not doing that anymore. 

“He is! End of an era...anyway, so can I get your address so I can send you a formal invitation?”

Ben rattles off his address to her and in turn she gives him some general information - Kenobi doesn’t want any retirement gifts, Ben’s allowed to bring a date, and the planned date for the party is in less than a month. 

“So I know the plans aren’t solid yet but I’m trying to get a tentative headcount - do you think you’ll attend?”

And the thing is, even if Ben hadn’t attended Professor Kenobi’s classes, he can’t exactly say no. As much as he hates parties, or any social function for that matter, he can’t just skip out on a retirement party for his namesake. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” he tells Bazine quietly.

“Great! Just you?”

“No, I have a plus one,” he tells her, already knowing that he’ll be much more comfortable with Rey by his side.

“Ah, okay,” Bazine says, maybe a touch too casually. Then, after a beat, “That’s a shame, you know. I was going to ask if you wanted to go with me,” she giggles as though it’s a joke, so Ben takes it that way. 

He thanks her for the information and tells her he’ll be looking for the invitation in the mail. Afterward, he ignores the work in front of him for another few minutes in favor of calling Rey.

“Hey, babe,” she answers the phone, and he can hear the smile in her voice.

_ God, this woman… _

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greets her, suddenly ready to leave work and go see her right now, despite the fact that both of them have about three hours left in the workday. “Just wanted to let you know you need to find a dress if you don’t already have one.”

“A dress? I have dresses, Ben, you’ve  _ seen _ me…”

“Not business dresses,” he cuts in. “Something semi-formal.”

She doesn’t speak for a moment and he can practically hear the gears turning in her head. “Semi-formal? Someone getting married?”

Ben automatically flinches at the word  _ married _ coming from Rey’s mouth and quickly shakes off his reaction. “No, no, nothing like that. I wouldn’t put you through that kind of torture…”

“What, why? I  _ love _ weddings! The food is always good, for the most part…” She trails off, apparently realizing that she’s going off on a tangent. “Anyway, if not a wedding, then what?”

“One of my old law professors is retiring and it’s one of those things I can’t really miss. Also, it’s in Coruscant, so it will be an overnight trip.” It occurs to Ben that he hasn’t actually  _ asked _ her to go with him. Maybe she has no interest in it. But the thought of socializing with his old classmates and colleagues from his days clerking at Snoke’s firm seems almost unbearable. 

“I’ve never been to Coruscant,” she tells him, “Might be fun.”

Ben’s not sure he would call it  _ fun _ , but his raising by Leia Organa dictates that he show up to these types of things. “It’s a date then?” He’s stricken a bit guilty by more or less forcing her to do this. He wonders if she feels like he’s twisting her arm by basically demanding that she go with him. So even though he would rather stab himself in the eye than go by himself, he decides to give her an out at the last minute. “You don’t have to go,” he tells her quickly. “It won’t be much fun, it’s just I kind of  _ have _ to go, but I don’t want you to think…”

“Ben!” She raises her voice, interrupting his babbling, so he promptly shuts up. “You don’t even have to ask, silly man. I’ll go wherever you go.”

And it’s silly, honestly, how much those few words mean to him. He knows that she’s just talking about this ridiculous party he feels obligated to attend, but part of him pretends that she means it for real. She’ll go where he goes. 

And he’ll never have to be without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI I could've written like, five chapters just on Disney because I LOVE IT and I've been there a bunch, BUT that's not what this story is about so I restrained myself. 
> 
> But how cute would Rey look in Minnie Mouse ears?


	14. I'm scared of what you'll say, and so I'm hiding what I'm feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey realizes the extent of her feelings and then gets to meet some of the people from Ben's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Fallin' for You" by Colbie Caillat
> 
> This chapter is LONG. I'm sorry! When I do outlines, I have plans for things that I will cover in the chapter, so when it goes long, I can't make myself cut it up...sorry for the length, but here's over 7000 words!

Rey spends the first week of February griping about the colder turn of the weather, agonizing over dress and shoe shopping for Ben’s fancy lawyer party, and worrying about Valentine’s Day - which also happens to be her birthday.

She’s managed to keep it a secret from Ben, who has asked numerous times when her birthday is and even threatened to pull some sneaky, lawyer, investigative shit to find it out. As far as she knows, he hasn’t figured it out yet. She flat-out told him while they were on vacation that they are not  _ doing _ Valentine’s Day, to which he responded with an abashed look and asked if they could at least go out to eat.

She firmly told him  _ no _ , that they would order in.

She’s also specified  _ no jewelry, no roses, and no cards _ .

Thankfully, Ben has finally stopped pestering her about doing  _ something _ for Valentine’s Day and agreed to order pizza - he had made some attempts at a  _ compromise _ by offering to make them a nice dinner, but Rey’s assertion that even that was too romantic had him grudgingly agreeing to takeout. She’s still afraid he’s going to pull some kind of surprise because honestly, Ben is a soft, squishy sweetheart at his core and she knows he likes doing things for her. But now, she’s fully aware that she’s in  _ L-word _ with him and she doesn’t need any more sappy, romantic gestures from him to make the affliction worse than it already is.

So she spends her lunch hours all bundled up and cursing the cold weather as she shops at the little boutiques downtown. Rose accompanies her, and sometimes Kaydel, and Rey realizes that she’s missed spending time with them. She’s been so consumed with Ben that she’s hardly made time for her friends. 

“Perfectly normal,” Kaydel tells her at lunch one day when Rey mentions feeling guilty. “If I had a boyfriend who looked like  _ that _ , I’d ditch you too.”

Rey finally decides on a dress one Monday afternoon during the long lunches afforded to them on court days. It’s a dark green, off-the-shoulder, body con dress that hugs her figure all the way to her knees. Rey has never felt so sexy and sophisticated at the same time. She spends a couple of minutes turning this way and that as she studies her figure in the mirrored dressing room, grinning impishly as she imagines Ben’s face when he sees her in it. And  _ that _ gives her an idea.

She slips her phone out of her purse and aims it at the mirror, turning her body just so, putting her hiney on display. Before she can talk herself out of it, she sends him the picture, then promptly tosses her phone back into her purse. She emerges from the dressing room to whoops and catcalls from her friends and the matter is decided unanimously.

This dress is definitely more than what Rey would normally pay for something to wear to a party, but this party feels different somehow. She’s going to Coruscant, this huge city she’s never set foot in, and is expected to rub elbows with wealthy attorneys and law school professors. Most of her life has been spent not giving a fuck what other people think, but these are  _ Ben’s _ people, and much like she was nervous to meet his family, she’s also nervous to meet his former classmates and professors.

After deciding that shopping has built up an appetite, Rey finds herself sharing a basket of breadsticks with her friends at the Italian restaurant downtown. As she’s chomping into her third breadstick, she hears her phone go off with a text message.

**Ben: I’m having to work late and you send me photos that you know will distract me. Seems cruel, sweetheart.**

Rey grins down at her phone, oblivious that Rose is rolling her eyes from across the table.

_ Rey: Just thought u might want to see my party dress. Are u saying u dont approve? _

**Ben: Oh, I approve. Though it would look even better on the floor.**

**Ben: Shit, that was corny. Let’s pretend I didn’t say that.**

_ Rey: Oh, no. It’s 4ever. Gonna screenshot it and everything. _

**Ben: Fine. Then maybe I’ve changed my mind about ripping it off of you after the party.**

Rey bites into her bottom lip to hide the stupid grin trying to take over her face. And then, of course, her mind goes  _ there _ , thinking about his eyes on her while she’s wearing that dress. Thinking about how he’d touch her after having to watch her wear the thing for hours.

_ Rey: it’s a nice dress tho. Cant let u mess up my pretty party dress _

**Ben: If you insist, I suppose I could peel it off you slowly…**

Rey squirms in her seat, her attempts at halting her imagination futile as she imagines his large, thick fingers fumbling with her zipper. But then, he’s always been so graceful for such a big man - she’s sure he’d be gentle with her dress…

“Rey, you’re blushing,” Rose says flatly, staring at her with a quirked eyebrow.

Rey shoots off one more text, determined to get through dinner with her friends without getting completely sidetracked by her boyfriend.

_ Rey: Leave me alone now sir. Ur distracting me. _

**Ben: You started it, sweetheart. I’ll leave you alone now. I’ll try not to think too hard about the things I’m going to do to you after I get you out of that dress.**

Rey tosses her phone in her purse again, a nervous laugh bubbling out of her as she feels her ears turn hot. “I love you, you pervert,” she says a little breathlessly, then turns her attention back to her friends to apologize.

They’re both looking at her with wide eyes and twin beaming grins stretching their mouths. Rey looks between the two of them, trying to figure out if she’s the punchline of some joke, when it hits her.

_ Oh.  _ **_Oh, God_ ** .

She lifts a hand to her mouth as it drops open in shock, hardly believing that the words fell from her mouth entirely unplanned, without a second thought. She hadn’t even let herself  _ think _ it when she was standing next to him under the fireworks at Disney. But somehow it fell from her lips, completely unplanned, in the middle of a dinner with her friends. 

“I don’t- I didn’t mean-” Rey can’t seem to complete a sentence now, but it seems as though her friends don’t need her to.

“I knew you loved him!” Kaydel gushes. “All you do is smile and blush when the two of you talk during the day and if he ever sees you in court, he’s always so  _ soft _ .”

“Totally happy for you, babe,” Rose chimes in. “The two of you make it look good too. I’m only  _ mildly _ disgusted by how much in love the two of you are.”

“Oh,” Rey says quietly, her stomach churning with anxiety, “It’s not like  _ that _ . Or maybe it is...I haven’t exactly told him...that. Out loud.”

Kaydel’s eyes widen and Rose tilts her head curiously, brows pulled together.

“Why not?” Kaydel presses, leaning in closer. “He totally feels the same way, Rey. It’s  _ obvious _ .”

It’s not obvious to Rey. Though maybe it should be. She knows for certain that no one has ever looked at her the way Ben does. No one has touched her, kissed her, or fucked her like Ben. But she’s not sure all those soft moments he gives her means that he loves her. Rey is well aware she was deprived of some necessary affection as a child and she isn’t sure what love is supposed to look like. The love-starved part of her brain wants to identify his actions as love immediately, but she’s always been cautious to tell herself that  _ maybe _ this is just the way a proper boyfriend treats his girlfriend. Maybe all good partners treat their significant others with respect and gentleness. It’s not as though Rey would really have anything else to compare it to.

Rey manages to dodge Kaydel’s question and changes the subject. They gossip about Poe Dameron as Kaydel swoons about his good looks and flirtatious personality, while Rose insists that he’s a little too cocky for her taste.  _ Then _ , Rey and Kaydel both do their best to drop hints about Finn crushing on Rose, but she’s oblivious as usual. 

She manages to distract herself just enough to stop worrying about the truth she’s just given voice to.

*

A few days before Valentine’s Day, Ben gives Rey a key to his apartment. He hadn’t really put much thought into it. His reasons centered around pragmatism. They spend every night together now and Ben sees no point in pretending otherwise. And four to five nights a week are spent at his apartment. It’s about convenience, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Ben lives two blocks from his office one way and the courthouse is three blocks in the other direction. Either of them can be at work in a handful of minutes if they stay at his apartment. So he tells himself he’s being logical when he hands her the key.

“It’s not a gift,” he says quickly, when he notices the downturn of her mouth and the way her brows pinch together. “You stay here more than you stay at your place anyway. It’s closer to the courthouse too.”

She glowers at him, but he knows that she can’t really argue with his logic, so he goes on. “This way, you don’t have to go all the way home if I work late. You can just come here,” he smiles as she quirks an eyebrow at him. “And while I quite enjoy when you wear my clothes, I even cleaned out a drawer and space in the closet for you to keep some clothes here.”

“Ben…”

“I’m not asking you to move in,” he continues, determined to get his point across. “I’m just saying, it makes more sense  _ logistically _ for you to…”

“Benjamin.”

“What?”

“You’re sweet,” she says, going on her toes to peck his cheek. “But I don’t want to feel like I’m imposing.”

“Rey, you’re here nearly every night. It just makes sense to have clothes here. And a key. And also, I got you a parking decal from property management so you won’t get towed because we’ve really been playing with fire the past couple of months where that’s concerned…”

She laughs at that and he can see that she’s going to relent, so he gives her a triumphant smirk as he presses the key into her hand.

“Fine,” she says, defeated but grinning wide. “I’ll bring a few items of clothes, but  _ just a few _ .”

Within a week, Rey’s few items of clothes are taking up half of Ben’s closet, but he’s careful not to gloat too much.

  
  


-

  
  


The morning of Valentine’s Day, Ben wakes up with his face in her hair and his arms around her waist. It’s become his absolute favorite way to wake up, the only discomfort being her cold little feet wedged between his legs in search of warmth.

“God, your feet are like chunks of ice,” he groans into her hair.

She wiggles them between his calves trying to create friction to warm them up more.

“You know, you could wear socks to bed,” Ben suggests.

“What kind of freak wears socks to bed?” Rey demands, her voice raspy from sleep.

“The kind with cold feet,” Ben says as he presses a kiss to her shoulder. “Maybe that’s what I should get you for Valentine’s Day - some nice, fuzzy socks.”

“Benjamin Solo…”

“Maybe fuzzy  _ toes _ socks. Very fashionable.”

“Or you know, maybe just accept that it’s your job to keep my feet warm.”

Ben chuckles into her neck, then presses a kiss beneath her ear. “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll always keep your feet warm.”

*

Around ten o’clock on February fourteenth, a local florist delivers flowers to the front desk and Tallie informs Rey that they’re addressed to her. She scowls at the beautiful arrangement of red, white, and pink lilies displayed in a red vase. They’re beautiful and they don’t really have a scent, which is actually a good thing because Rey tends to have reactions to strong scents. 

“I’m going to kill Ben,” she tells the room at large, who are making little noises of awe at the surprise gift.

She plucks the card clipped to one of the stems and reads  _ You said no roses, so I got you lilies _ .  _ Yours, Ben _ .

She can’t stop the grin that pulls at her lips as she shakes her head. She reads the last line over and over. 

_ Yours, Ben _ .

It’s stupid. Because it’s literally just a sign-off that people put on notes. It doesn’t mean anything. And maybe it shouldn’t make her heart beat faster in her chest because  _ of course _ he’s hers. He’s her boyfriend. But that word -  _ yours  _ \- feels special, important for some reason. Maybe because Rey realizes that she’s  _ his _ too. She hasn’t told him, doesn’t even plan on it, but the fact is that he has her heart. No matter how much she wants to protect herself, no matter how scared she is to have jumped into this thing not knowing how far she would fall, she knows she can’t dig her way out now. She’s in way too deep.

And she hopes he is too.

-

At the end of the day, Ben is waiting outside the courthouse for her. It’s almost completely dark, but he’s standing beneath one of the lights in the parking lot. Of course, he didn’t have to come meet her. His apartment is so close to the courthouse that Rey could have walked. As she draws closer, she sees that he’s holding  _ more _ flowers. 

This time, it  _ is  _ roses. 

Her mouth falls open as she stops in front of him, eyes flickering between the flowers and his nervous expression. She’s torn between fussing at him and flinging her arms around his neck. Eventually, she manages to close her mouth and attempt a stern look.

“So that cheeky little note you wrote meant nothing since you got me roses anyway,” she tells him, giving him her sternest glare as she closes the distance between them.

“Hmm I think you’re wrong,” he tells her, opening her car door for her after she clicks the unlock button.

“How am I wrong? You agreed with me -  _ no roses _ . Then you tricked me by finding a loophole and getting me lilies, so  _ fine _ , you win on that point, but those-” She nods towards the bouquet in his hand “- are definitely roses.”

He nods along agreeably and passes her the bouquet. Then he leaves down into her car, leaning close to her face and stealing her breath. His lips press gently against her jaw and he nuzzles at her ear. “They are roses,” he concedes, “but the deal was no roses for Valentine’s Day.”

Rey is still a bit distracted by the feel of his lips on her skin when he leans back up and looks down at her. “So I got you lilies for Valentine’s Day,” he shrugs and looks away, fighting what she knows is a boyish grin threatening to take over his lips. “The roses are for your birthday.”

With that, Ben shuts the door and strolls to his own car, leaving Rey to gape at him through her window, grudgingly admitting that she’s been played.

She finds out later that the sneaky shit snuck a look at her license when she left her wallet on the counter. He apologizes sincerely for the invasion of privacy, but maintains that he feels it’s necessary to know his girlfriend’s birthday.

“Your fault for not telling me,” he says loftily whenever she brings up the trick.

She resolves to do something equally sneaky for his birthday.

*

They spend most of their free time in February wrapped up in each other. It’s too cold outside to do much else, but Ben can’t find it in him to complain when his nights are spent with Rey in his arms. His need to touch her hasn’t waned since they first began seeing each other, but if anything, has grown.

He finds himself drawn to her at the most random of times.

One night she’s in the kitchen baking boxed brownies and he finds it impossible not to circle her tiny waist with his arms and pull her against him, pressing a kiss to her head. Another time, she’s bent down, pulling clothes out of the dryer, perfect ass on display in those tight little leggings he’s so fond of, and he can’t stop himself from hefting her up onto the top of the dryer and standing between her legs as devours her mouth. And when they sit down to watch television, she’s always curled to his side or sitting between his outstretched legs. It’s odd because Ben has spent most of his life avoiding touch, tamping down the anxiety that comes with someone invading his bubble.

But he finds he can’t touch her enough.

He almost dreads taking her to Coruscant, though she seems happy to get out of town together for a night. He certainly doesn’t want to go, but having been raised by Leia, he feels compelled to attend. Etiquette and manners and social graces were drilled into him his entire life and, though he is truly socially awkward and distractedly anxious on the best of days, he also knows that it would be rude to skip out on a retirement party for someone who has a history with his family.

Hell, Ben is even named after the old man, so yeah, playing hooky isn’t an option. Especially since Leia has already called him, leaving voicemails reminding him that Obi-Wan is retiring and he’s expected at the party. Even if Bazine hadn’t independently contacted him about the party, he knows that his mother would have dragged him into it anyway. For the most part, their conversations since the disastrous Christmas get-together have been brief and awkward. He hasn’t spoken to Luke at all, letting Mitaka handle giving him the updates when he calls to check on how his practice is going.

From what Ben gathers, Luke is handling cancer treatments very well, which means that inevitably he will come back to work at some point. Ben had once entertained the idea of letting Luke ease back into working slowly and stay on with him until he was back to his old self, but now he just doesn’t think he can tolerate it.

He hates dealing with these clients and he hates that no matter what he’s accomplished, Luke is bound to view him as a ticking time bomb, just waiting for him to fall off the wagon and ruin his life. And Ben doesn’t think he can handle that level of pessimistic scrutiny from his own family any longer.

No, the sooner he can get out from under Luke, the better.

-

Coruscant is a six hour drive and Ben is convinced that Rey is probably going to see some of his worst qualities as he nearly loses his mind to road rage as they drive down that Saturday morning. People drive too slowly in the fast lane or think nothing of cutting him off. Ben grips the steering wheel and yells curses at the careless drivers as Rey sits across from him, watching in something like amusement.

This day is turning out to be shit.

He should’ve known that interstate traffic would trigger his anxiety. And once he gets out of the car and makes it to the party,  _ then _ he will have to deal with the anxiety caused by crowds and small spaces and seeing people that he doesn’t particularly care for, all while acting like he’s delighted to see them. He can tell that Rey senses that he’s not quite himself - or rather, he’s  _ his truest self _ , he thinks sardonically, but she refrains from asking him, probably because she’s worried he’ll bite her head off for asking.

He regrets dragging her into this, but the thought of doing it without her is abhorrent.

They arrive at their hotel room with just enough time to get cleaned up before heading downstairs to the ballroom. Ben was lucky enough to book a nice room in the hotel where the party is being held, so at least he won’t have to deal with traffic in downtown Coruscant on a Saturday night. 

Ben dresses in a navy suit with a crisp white shirt and decides to forego a tie. He wears ties everyday and frankly, he fucking hates them. He’s sure he’s going to hear shit from his mom about the lack of a tie, but figures it’s worth it to be able to breathe for once. 

When Rey emerges from the bathroom, Ben finds himself frozen, staring at her as she wobbles on the thick carpeted floor in her heels.

“Maybe we should skip this,” he mutters, eyes tracking down her body.

She scrunches her nose at him adorably. “I didn’t wear this dress just so you could take it off after five minutes.”

“Shame,” he says, transfixed by the way the dress perfectly hugs her slight figure. Her shoulders are bare too, freckles scattered across her skin on full display and all he wants to do is press his lips to them.

“We should probably get going,” she says, giving him a meaningful look and jerking her head toward the door.

He releases a long-suffering sigh. “Fine. If you insist on ruining all my fun.”

*

The hotel ballroom is low-lit and crowded. Rey can practically feel the tension radiating off Ben as they pick their way through the crowd. His hand is tight around hers in a way that she knows means that he is struggling to stay calm. People come up to Ben to shake hands or throw an arm around his shoulder, and Rey watches as his jaw tightens and he tries his damnedest to be polite.

Rey, for her part, isn’t as uncomfortable as she thought she’d be. Everyone seems genuinely nice and happy to see Ben and pleasantly surprised to see that he’s brought a date. Rey takes this news in stride and offers a bright smile and a firm handshake for every person he introduces her to. 

One of his old classmates, someone he just introduces as Hux, looks at her like he’s a shark and she’s blood in the water. His tall, though not as tall as Ben, with Red hair and small, pale blue eyes. Those eyes roam unabashedly over her body and if looks could kill, she’s certain this Hux character would be six feet under.

“How did you manage such a pretty date, Solo?” He asks, tearing his eyes away from her to cast an appraising look at Ben.

Ben just glares at him and doesn’t offer an answer and Rey...is kind of pissed off at this clown and would normally have some strong words for him, but she doesn’t want to embarrass Ben. Hux, for his part, seems unconcerned that he’s pissing Ben off, and goes on.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t interested in romance anymore,” Hux comments with sneer, his eyes flitting back to Rey. “After all, I haven’t seen you with anyone since you fucked things up with Zorii.”

Ben’s head snaps toward Hux and through gritted teeth, he growls, “Don’t you think it’s in bad taste to talk about that in front of my current date?”

Hux’s pale eyebrows raise in interest as his eyes move between Ben and Rey. “Just your date, then? Nothing more serious? Haven’t moved on from...”

“It’s none of your business.”

Rey hardly realizes that she’s spoken until Hux’s eyes freeze on her face and his mouth pulls into an ugly smirk. He pats Ben’s arm. “I apologize, Solo. I’ll leave you to it then. Nice to meet you, Rey.”

_ What a piece of shit _ , Rey thinks to herself as he glides away, Ben’s eyes burning a hole in his back.

As more people rush over to greet Ben and introduce themselves, Rey finds that she’s a bit more uncomfortable than she was at the beginning. She doesn’t know if the people she’s being introduced to are just not as friendly as the first few or if meeting that Hux character has just put a bad taste in her mouth.

And Rey has never considered herself a jealous person, but the seemingly endless number of beautiful women that appear to greet Ben has her a little on edge. First, there’s the Phasma character that Rey had once thought was Ben’s date. Already ridiculously tall, she glides towards Ben in stiletto heels, towering over the both of them. She seems unimpressed with Rey and maybe it’s because she remembers how Rey had overreacted that night at the bar. Rey tries to smile, but figures it probably comes out more as a grimace.

Then, the infamous ex-girlfriend appears and she is, of course, gorgeous.

When she approaches Ben, she seems to have no qualms about wrapping him in a hug, despite the fact that Rey is  _ standing right here _ . And Ben, well, Rey can’t help but notice that he’s not quite as tense when she touches him as other people who have done so. She’s shorter than Rey, with golden brown hair and bright green eyes - that seem focused solely on Ben.

Rey has no idea who she is until Ben introduces her as Zorii Bliss, and then it occurs to her that this is the woman who Hux spoke of. She wonders exactly what Ben did to  _ fuck things up _ and worries that whatever it was, Zorii isn’t acting like it was all that unforgivable.

“This is Rey,” Ben says awkwardly, pulling Rey tighter into his embrace. After a beat, he adds, “My girlfriend.”

To her credit, Zorii’s open, friendly expression doesn’t change at the news. Instead, she sticks her hand out and Rey graciously shakes it, forcing her own smile onto her lips. Zorii tries to make small talk for a couple of minutes, but Ben isn’t good at small talk and Rey - well, she finds she’s just not all that interested in chatting with Ben’s ex.

Then, of course,  _ of course _ , another beautiful woman shows up within minutes. Dark hair, hazel eyes, and the bone structure of a model. On the surface, Rey thinks that if one were to describe her and Rey, that people might assume they look alike - they’re both a bit taller than average, slender, brunette, same eye color - but they don’t really look alike when standing side by side. The woman - Bazine apparently - seems incapable of anything more than a small smile. Maybe she doesn’t want to risk getting laugh lines. She seems very serious, her expression hardly changing throughout the interaction, though Rey notices that her eyes soften whenever Ben speaks to her.

Okay, so maybe Rey has a bit of a jealous streak. Learn something new everyday.

The man of the hour eventually finds them, a cheerful, elderly gentleman with white hair and blue eyes. He pats her cheek affectionately as if he’s known her her entire life, and introduces himself as “Obi-Wan Kenobi, but please, call me Old Ben.”

Old Ben has seemingly nothing in common with her Ben - looks or personality-wise. Ben explains after the older man leaves that his parents couldn’t decide on a name for him, so his uncle had thrown out the nickname of his old mentor, and apparently, it had stuck.

Rey breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Leia approaching them because, although the last interaction she had with Ben’s mom was tense, she is thankful to see a familiar face in a sea of strangers. The older woman hugs Rey as soon as she sees her and Rey can’t help but return the embrace. Ben leans down stiffly to peck his mother on the cheek, but Rey can tell he’s still a little uncomfortable after what happened at Christmas.

“Ben, sweetheart, you look like you could use a break. Why don’t you find a corner to brood in while I speak with Rey?” Leia gives Ben a pointed look, as though to let him know that this isn’t really a request.

For his part, Ben seems loathe to leave. He throws Leia an exasperated look, and then leans down to Rey’s ear. “I can tell her to get lost, if you want…”

“No, no, it’s fine. You really do look like you could use a break. I’ll be fine,” she gives him a reassuring smile that she doesn’t even have to fake. Rey likes Ben’s mom and she isn’t scared of having a one-on-one with her. She’s only been in Leia’s presence three times, but each time she was kind to Rey. She certainly feels more comfortable hanging out with Leia than meeting anymore of Ben’s law school friends.

So Ben creeps away, shoulders hunched as he tries to make himself less noticeable in the crowd, and Rey lets Leia pull her over to the buffet, insisting that she fill up a plate. While in line, Leia chats about how Rey feels about her job, how Amilyn is treating her, and whether or not it’s something she wants as a permanent career.

“I’m not sure,’ Rey admits as she follows Leia to an unoccupied table and takes a seat. “I really,  _ really _ love it there and I can’t imagine going anywhere else right now. But I have considered grad school in a few years. I didn’t want to do it as soon as I completed my undergrad because, honestly, I was just so tired of school and being broke...but in a few years, I might be interested in looking into it.”

Leia nods. “I understand that. I actually tried to talk Ben into taking a break, but of course he wouldn’t.”

Rey frowns and gives Leia a questioning look. “I thought there were several years between his undergrad and law school…”

Leia shakes her head. “Yes,  _ law school _ . But Ben also has a Masters in criminal justice.”

Rey is quiet as she processes that information. Ben has never told her that. And the revelation that he spent the time and money to get into a graduate program for criminal justice rather than going straight to law school seems...odd. And it makes Rey think that maybe Ben hadn’t wanted to go to law school at all at first. It must have been something he decided to do later on because why spend all that time getting a grad degree if he planned to go to law school anyway?

She doesn’t say any of this to Leia, but Ben’s mom seems to follow what she’s pondering and answers the question that Rey hasn’t asked. “Ben didn’t always want to be an attorney. He loved being in his lab, loved the science behind what he was doing. But obviously he was too brilliant to stay cooped up in a cubicle all day. He finally came around a few years ago.”

“He’s good at what he does,” Rey says diplomatically, though she isn’t exactly an unbiased source. She knows that he studies his cases thoroughly though, and that he spends hours making sure that he’s interpreted the laws correctly.

“He is,” Leia agrees. “And now he’s got you, so things seem to be going well for him.” Something like worry, or maybe sadness, passes over Leia’s face. “I worry about him a lot still. You must think that’s ridiculous. I know Ben feels suffocated by me at times. He’ll be thirty-three this year and he’s very successful…”

“He’s your son, so it’s not ridiculous at all,” Rey assures her, though there’s a thickness to her voice when she speaks. No one has ever really cared about her like Leia cares about Ben, and she wonders if she would feel suffocated if she were in the same situation, or if she would be grateful that someone cared enough to worry so much.

Leia’s smile is soft and affectionate. “You must make him very happy. He hasn’t spoken to me too much about you, but what I’ve seen suggests that he’s pretty serious.”

_ Not as serious as me _ , Rey thinks, feeling that familiar tightness in her chest when she considers how she feels about Ben. She wonders if it would be easier to tell Leia how much she loves her son than it would be to admit it to Ben. She wonders if Leia would be able to shed some light on how Ben feels about  _ her _ .

Just as quickly, Rey dismisses the idea. She knows that Ben hasn’t talked to Leia much, if at all, since the Christmas incident, and has a feeling that maybe she knows Ben better now than his own mother does. And maybe Leia is thinking the same thing because there’s this  _ look _ she’s giving Rey, almost pleading, as though there are things she wants to ask but can’t seem to give voice to.

“He seems happy,” Rey offers. “I told you before that he’s good to me, and he really is, but he’s also…” She pauses, wondering if maybe Ben would be angry at her for blabbing about their relationship. But she decides to risk it anyway because she wants Leia to  _ know _ , to understand what it’s like between them. “He’s very affectionate. And gentle. I’ve never...I didn’t have a lot of physical affection growing up and it’s almost like Ben is trying to make up for it,” she chuckles in an attempt to lighten the weight of her words when she notices Leia’s look of concern. “He makes me feel like I’m worthy of that affection. He makes me feel...special,” she finishes lamely 

Leia’s eyes drop to her lap and a small smile pulls at the corner of her mouth, which reminds Rey of Ben’s own hesitant smile. “He was always a very loving little boy. I wish...I wish I’d appreciated it more at the time, but I’m glad he’s found someone to love.”

Rey doesn’t mention that she’s not sure if Ben actually loves her. She’s tortured herself enough wondering about it on her own and she doesn’t need to sit here and worry about it in the company of Ben’s mom. “I’m lucky to have found him,” she tells Leia because it seems important to make her understand that Ben isn’t the one who has struck gold here. It’s her. She is thankful everyday that she didn’t stick with her initial reaction to Ben and assume he was an asshole who would be nothing more than a thorn in her side. If she hadn’t given him another chance, she never would have realized what a gift he is. “I never thought I’d have this with anyone, what I have with Ben.”

Leia gives her a real smile then, dark eyes - eyes so much like Ben’s - lighting up from within. She reaches across the table and lays her hand over Rey’s. “I’m so happy for the two of you. And I also wanted to apologize for what happened on Christmas.”

Rey stiffens at her words, suddenly uncomfortable to be discussing this with Ben elsewhere. She tries to shake off the topic. “Oh, it’s fine, I know that sometimes there are misunderstandings…”

“It was more than that,” Leia says. “Luke was out of line. But it wasn’t coming from a place of maliciousness. It’s just that when Ben was drinking, it felt like none of us could reach him. It was terrible. It was like...like we’d lost him, like he was so far gone we couldn’t get him back. He pulled himself out of it, of course. But we all still worry about him - Luke and I more than Han, it would seem - and sometimes Luke can be too aggressive in his concern.”

What Rey really wants to say is that there is no excuse for how Luke reacted. She doesn’t care if he was coming from a good place because the way the whole situation was handled was absolutely shitty. But she can’t bring herself to say that to Leia. She doesn’t want to be combative to Ben’s mom, even if it’s in service of defending Ben. 

She feels like maybe she’s spent an appropriate amount of time chatting with Leia now and decides to excuse herself. “I’m going to go find Ben,” she tells her, sliding out of her chair. “It was good to see you again, Leia.”

Ben’s mom smiles at her and pats her arm as she walks away. “Take care of him, Rey.”

*

Leia has pulled Rey off to herself for God-knows-what and Ben finds himself alone, sipping at his iced water and contemplating when he can get them out of here without seeming impolite. He’s found himself a corner to sit in far enough away from the crowd that he is able to somewhat relax. He does wonder what exactly Leia is saying to Rey, but decides that worrying about it does no good.

He’s just about to sneak his phone out of his pocket to send Rey a delightfully suggestive text when a shadow falls over him. Before he can look up to see who has interrupted his moment of solitude, a familiar voice crisply addresses him.

“Solo.”

Ben looks up at Franklin Snoke, then immediately stands to offer his hand. The older man takes his time in offering his hand in return as he studies Ben in that measured way of his. 

“How are you, sir?” Ben asks, fighting the urge to wipe his hand against his suit pants. Suddenly, his palms are sweating because  _ of course _ they are when he’s just shaken the hand of his former - and, hopefully, future - boss.

“Doing well,” Snoke says, glancing around the crowded ballroom. “And you, my boy?”

“I’m good,” Ben says. 

Snoke gives him an ugly smile. “Enjoying family law?”

Ben huffs and shakes his head. “Not at all.”

“Well, you know my original offer still stands,” Snoke reminds him. 

Ben nods, maybe a little too enthusiastically. “Of course, and I intend to take you up on that offer. Luke’s on the mend and as soon as he’s ready to come back to work, I plan to move back.”

“Good. That’s good to hear. I was beginning to wonder if Alderaan’s small town had permanently lured you away from Coruscant. Thought you might be shifting your focus to family law permanently.”**

His mind briefly goes to Rey, but then he reminds himself that this isn’t about Rey. Snoke is talking about  _ family law _ and  _ Alderaan _ , and while Ben actually  _ does _ like Alderaan, he can’t help but think of the clients he’s seen - bitter and sad and broken down over the death of their marriages. 

“It’s not for me,” Ben tells him. 

“Well, keep me updated. There’s an open position, but it won’t be open forever,” Snoke claps him on the back and he looks like he’s about to move away when Rey suddenly materializes by Ben’s side.

“Hey,” she grins at him, going up on her toes to peck him on the cheek and  _ that _ halts Snoke’s exit.

Ben glances between them - at Rey, who is oblivious to the fact that she’s now the center of Snoke’s attention, and at Snoke, who is staring with unabashed interest at Ben’s girlfriend. Ben clears his throat and pulls Rey closer to him, his hand at the small of her back.

“Mr. Snoke, this is Rey Niima,”  _ my girlfriend _ , he doesn’t say because he figures that much is obvious. “Rey, this is Franklin Snoke. I clerked for his firm while I was in law school.”

Rey sticks out her hand eagerly as she has all night, smiling brightly. Snoke takes her hand and presses a kiss to the back of it, an odd twinkle discernible in his light eyes. 

“Young Rey,” he croons, giving her a once-over that makes Ben more than a little uncomfortable. "So nice to meet you. Keeping our Benjamin busy?"

"We definitely tend to keep each other busy," she responds easily, unaware that Snoke is eyeing her critically. "No complaints on my end though."

Snoke nods, his eyes never straying from Rey. "Sounds serious. How did the two of you meet?"

Rey glances at Ben, probably wondering if she should let him answer since Snoke is  _ his _ acquaintance, but Snoke is clearly addressing the question to her, so Ben just gives her a nod as though to say  _ go ahead. _

Rey turns her bright smile back to Snoke, whose pale blue eyes hold no warmth for this girl made of sunshine. "We met in court, actually. Didn't really like each other much at first, but we came around."

A blush tints her cheeks and Ben guesses it's from admitting that they didn't have a perfect meet-cute. 

"Ah, so you're an attorney as well," Snoke says. "Where did you attend law school?"

"Oh, no," Rey lets out a laugh. "Not an attorney. I work for the DA's office in the child support enforcement unit. Amilyn Holdo is the ADA I work under. My title is filing clerk, but I do considerably more than that."

Something like meanness sparks in Snoke’s eyes, but all he says is, "I see." He turns back to Ben and looks him over with a cold assessment. "It's too bad you'll be leaving such a pretty thing behind when you come back to Coruscant…"

Ben feels Rey stiffen beneath the hand he has on her back, feels her eyes on his face. He doesn't have to look at her to know that her bright smile is fading. 

"Unless of course you're bringing her with you," Snoke continues. His eyes scan the room and Ben knows that they are nearly home free because Snoke is getting bored and looking for someone else to bother. He gives Ben one last look. "Hopefully the two of you can adjust to the more rigorous schedule my firm requires." Snoke’s mouth twists in what is probably meant to be a nasty smile. "You won't be able to keep each other so busy after the transition. I'll see you around, Solo. Nice to meet you, Rey," he gives her nod and moves away, off to speak with some other unassuming party goer.

Ben releases a held breath and glances at Rey, who is still standing frozen in her spot, watching Snoke’s back as he meanders through the crowd.

"I don't think he likes me," she says quietly.

"He doesn't like anyone," Ben assures her. “Let’s get out of here.”

They pick their way through the crowd and Ben endures being stopped by acquaintances a few more times before they finally find their way out of the ballroom. Ben is a little off-balance from his meeting with Snoke. He hadn’t expected the topic of him returning to Coruscant to come up so suddenly, and in front of Rey no less. And it seems like maybe she’s thinking along the same lines.

The elevator ride is awkward, with Rey standing a bit further away from him than what she normally would. He knows that at some point they need to have a serious conversation about what him coming back to Coruscant means. But then, he never thought he’d be in any position with her to discuss the future. He never thought he would have gotten so involved with her that the future would ever be an issue.

And now, now he’s going to have to face it because their time may be running out and he finds he’s not ready.

The elevator doors slide open and they step out and make their way to the room. Rey pulls her key card out first and fumbles with it, and Ben just watches her, looking so beautiful in her pretty green dress, looking like she’s  _ his _ .

Maybe she won’t be forever, but he’s going to forget about that for now. For now, he’s going to pretend she can be his for a little while longer. Maybe he’ll pretend she can be his forever.

She curses when the light turns red, denying them access, so Ben takes pity on her and gently takes the key card. He slides it in and back out quickly, then presses a kiss to the spot just beneath her ear.

“You were taking too long,” he tells her, feels her shiver as his breath ghosts across her skin. “Besides, I still have plans to get that dress off of you.”


	15. I can't decide if it's a choice, getting swept away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title is from Treacherous by Taylor Swift

Rey steps into the room with Ben practically attached to her. But the distress she is feeling from the conversation that took place minutes before is what’s at the forefront of her mind, not the desire to be close to Ben. Still, his proximity is distracting, so there is a part of her that wants to give into what her  _ body  _ wants, no matter how clouded her mind is at the moment. It would be easy - just to close her eyes and focus on the physical when she’s not sure if she can bear to face the truth of what she’s just heard.

She hears the door click closed. She feels Ben’s fingers brushing her bare shoulder, his lips pressing to her temple. And her eyes flutter closed and she thinks -  _ just give in, just let it go for now _ .

_ "It's too bad you'll be leaving such a pretty thing behind when you come back to Coruscant…" _

She opens her eyes and stiffens, inhales a sharp breath. Ben freezes as well, but doesn't back away.

"Sweetheart?" He says quietly.

All of a sudden, she's angry. So she steps away from him to get some distance. Thinks  _ how could you not tell me this, when were you going to tell me, were you just going to disappear… _

She shakes her head, hoping it will clear her thoughts and slowly turns to him. He's looking at her worriedly, as though he can't understand her behavior, and that makes Rey wonder if she's missed something. Had he told her? Had they talked about it early on and she just...forgot?

Now she isn't so sure.

"Sorry," she says, and her voice sounds so odd. She clears her throat. "I'm just...I'm not feeling well."

He takes a step toward her and it’s all she can do not to retreat. Her fingers curl into fists and her nails bite against her palms as she fights the urge to put distance between them. And isn’t that odd because just a little bit ago, she couldn’t imagine not being within touching distance of him.

His hands land on her shoulders, rubs over them in what is probably meant to be a soothing gesture, but Rey tenses. And he notices.

“Rey…”

“I don’t feel well,” she tells him again. She tries to give him an apologetic smile, but her face feels odd, uncooperative. 

Ben is still looking at her like he cares, which...isn’t that funny? He cares that she isn’t feeling well, but doesn’t care to tell her that he’s going to be moving six hours away from her at some point in the future? 

“Anything I can do? Anything I can get you?” He’s still touching her, and she still has that urge to push all this unpleasantness from her mind and just give into his touch. 

She shakes her head. “No, I’m just going to change…”

She grabs her things from the suitcase and then heads into the bathroom, knowing that he must think it’s odd that she’s leaving the room to undress. Once inside, she struggles with the zipper on her dress, cursing softly. She finally manages to get it down and strips off the pretty dress that  _ Ben _ was supposed to strip off of her. She hadn’t planned on showering, but now she needs something to relax her, so she cranks up the hot water and steps under the stream.

Her body trembles like she’s shivering, but the water is scorching hot. It takes her a few seconds to realize she’s crying, her tears lost in the stream of water pouring over her. She tries to calm herself, to think rationally for a moment, to consider if she’s overreacting. But the only thing she can process right now is that Ben is leaving. He’s leaving her and he didn’t tell her. She had to find out from his prospective boss.

She can't decide what she feels more - anger or heartache. She loves him, though she hasn't told him, and now she's almost glad that she never got up the nerve to do so. Because Ben is clearly not feeling the same things that she feels for him. And while that may have been okay before, now that she knows that they may not have time for his feelings to grow, she is relieved she hasn't made a fool of herself. 

But then, maybe she misunderstood what Snoke meant or maybe he was mistaken or  _ something _ . She can't bury this. She knows she needs to talk to him, but she also knows if she  _ didn't _ misunderstand, she's opening herself up to more hurt. 

Rey almost hopes he's asleep as she cracks open the bathroom door. He isn’t, of course, because he's worried about her. Because she told him she didn't feel well. He's sitting on the edge of the bed facing the bathroom, elbows on his knees and hands clasped. He studies her face as though looking for any signs of her sudden illness.

"Is it nausea? Headache? I can get you some meds from the gift shop in the lobby, or even the pharmacy around the corner."

"It's not," she tells him, harsher than she'd meant to.

Ben's eyes widen and his mouth parts in a question and Rey is suddenly  _ furious _ because how can he not know? 

"When were you going to tell me about your plan to come back here?"

What little color he has drains from his face and he stares at her, unblinking. Rey stares right back, daring him to deny that it happened or brush it off or minimize the enormity of what it means for them.

Then, his face changes and his jaw works and  _ is he agitated _ ?! With her? He pulls in a deep breath and tells her, "I don't even know exactly when it's happening. Why would I tell you about something that I'm not even sure of the timeline…"

"Because we're in a relationship, Ben!" She's yelling for God's sake, which is not the kind of girlfriend she ever thought she'd be.

"I didn't know how to broach the subject," he mutters.

“So your solution for that was to just not tell me?”

He pushes his hands through his hair and glares at the floor. She can see the tension in his shoulders and knows that he doesn’t want to have this conversation. She doesn’t either, but it was his lack of communication that led them to this.

“I thought…” He starts, and then hesitates, peeks up at her cautiously, and then presses on. “I thought I mentioned to you that I would inevitably move back. I thought we had that conversation on our first date.”

Rey is shaking her head, her mouth slightly ajar because  _ is he fucking serious right now?! _ She wants to shake some sense into him. 

“Don’t you think that if I had known you would be moving six hours away that I would’ve handled this whole thing differently?”

Now she’s truly got his attention. No more tentative peeks or hesitance to look her in the face. His eyes snap up to meet hers and his brows draw together, mouth working as though he’s trying to stop himself from saying something stupid. 

“Say it,” she goads him. “We’re in this mess right now because you  _ didn’t _ say something, so whatever words you’re biting back, you may as well  _ say them _ .”

For a second, she thinks he will. She thinks he’s a breath away from exploding. He certainly looks it. He’s practically trembling with anger and the way he’s looking at her…

Instead, in a low voice that is deceptively calm, he says, “So you’re saying you wouldn’t have been with me if you’d known? If I’d told you - and I swear, Rey, I thought you knew - you would have ended it there?”

Some of the anger drains away at his question because she’s not really sure. Would she have stopped things before they’d gotten started if she had known? Or would she have leapt in anyway, consequences be damned, just to be able to be with him for a little while?

“I don’t know,” she tells him. “But if you would have told me before, then at least I would have been better prepared to deal with that inevitability. I feel like you’ve pulled the rug out from under me, Ben, and the bad thing is -  _ you _ didn’t even do it! I had to hear it from that creepy guy you want to work for.”

“It was always the plan,” his tone is clipped, as though he’s impatient over the fact that he’s having to explain this to her. “I was never going to stay in Alderaan.”

“Then why would you...why even pursue a relationship? If there’s an expiration date, why go through the trouble?”

Something passes over his face then and he looks pained, his breath hitching as he looks away from her again. “I wanted to be with you. I thought that was obvious.”

Her heart twists painfully at his words and why, why, why does he have to treat her like she’s something precious to him, even now, after what he’s kept from her? 

“I had a right to know,” her voice is thick with the promise of tears. She thought she’d cried enough in the shower, but standing here in front of him, watching his own face crumple as he realizes she’s hurting, is a whole other level of pain.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. She can hear the tears in his voice as well. He slides off the bed onto his knees in front of her, wraps his arms around her waist, and lays his head against her stomach. “I didn’t mean- I didn’t want to keep anything from you. I just thought you knew.”

She is shaking in his arms. She wants to bring her hands up to run through his hair. She wants to tell him she forgives him, and hell, maybe she can. The problem is no longer about the fact that he didn’t tell her - and she isn’t sure she is buying his story about thinking they  _ did _ talk about it - but about the fact that at some point, she is going to lose him, and he knew it, and he let her fall in love with him anyway. Surely, he must know. She hasn’t said it, doesn’t think she can at this point, but he knows her life story now, knows everything she’s been through and how hard it is to trust someone, and yet  _ she let him in _ . He has to know how significant that is. 

She trusted him with her heart, but he’s hurting her anyway. He must not feel the same way, must not remotely be in the same vicinity regarding his feelings because if he is, how could he be okay with all this? She must just be a way for him to pass his time until he moves on. Maybe this thing between could only ever have been casual.

She wishes he'd told her. Though she's not sure if it would have stopped her feelings for him. 

It's late now and she's so, so tired. She's worried her hurt feelings and exhaustion are going to affect her ability to deal with this properly. Part of her wants to have it all out and deal with it now. But she's not sure there's anything else to fight about at this point. He's going to move back here, he didn't tell her, and she's going to lose him. What else is there? And they're hours from home. There's nowhere for her to retreat to if things get worse.

"I just want to go to sleep," she tells him. He's still kneeling, his arms tight around her waist. He nods into her stomach and gets up slowly, but doesn't let go of her.

"We'll...we can talk about it tomorrow. If you want,” he tells her, but he sounds hesitant, like he’s not sure if he really wants to do that.

Rey’s not sure what else there is to say, but she also knows that could be the exhaustion affecting her. She gives a singular nod and steps around Ben to slide into bed. Tired as she is, she's not confident in how much sleep she'll get.

*

Ben lies awake for hours, only slipping off to sleep around the time the sun is starting to come up. The alarm wakes him what feels like a few minutes later, though it's actually a couple of hours. His head is pounding and Rey doesn't look like she's any better off. Her eyes are swollen and red and he worries that she's been quietly crying throughout the night.

They barely speak as they gather their things, only exchanging a few words about the checkout procedure and making sure they aren’t forgetting anything. It's a long ride back to Alderaan, but he knows the mess they're in now will make it seem longer. 

Rey nods off about half an hour into the drive and Ben can't help but think maybe it's for the best. It gives him time to think, to go over how everything could have gone so wrong. He knows it's his fault and that he's brought this on himself. Hindsight is only good for showing him what an idiot he was to not come clean with her from the beginning.

He hadn't counted on her though. She was never part of the plan. But she's quickly become the single best thing in his life, and he may lose her over this.

_ That's _ what he'd actually been counting on though, right? Relationships end and it seems obvious that the natural end to theirs would be when he moves back to Coruscant. He's just a selfish bastard who wanted to spend as much time with her as he could before he lost her for good. He can admit that much to himself. He looks across the car at her, head leaned against the window as she snores softly. He’s pretty sure she’s even drooling a little. His chest tightens and he resists the urge to reach across and touch her. He’s never been drawn to anyone like he is drawn to her.

And yeah, he can admit he loves her. Probably has since the moment he met her in some ways. He had been fascinated by her stubbornness and refusal to back down, and then he'd gotten to see her softer parts. Her bright smiles and her empathy and her understanding. Then she actually gave him a chance to be with her and he'd taken it. Because maybe he's been too far gone since the moment he met her. Maybe there was never any chance to stop how he feels about her.

Maybe she has always been as much an inevitability as Coruscant is.

*

Rey awakens to her shoulder being shaken gently. Her swollen eyes are slow to open. The hand on her shoulder slides down to her arm, rubbing gently as she finally blinks open her eyes. Her neck and back ache and she realizes it's because she's slept in the same cramped position in Ben's car for hours. The car has stopped and she looks around and sees that they're in the lot behind Ben's building.

She rubs at her eyes and glances at him. The look on his face is unreadable and he doesn't say anything, seemingly waiting on her to move. And there's still something uneasy in the air between them and she just…doesn't think she can bear to do this right now. 

She clears her throat, hoping to clear away some of the rasp from her nap, and tells him, "I think I'm going to go home now."

His mouth parts and undisguised hurt passes over his face, but he nods anyway and opens the door to get out. She watches him move around the car and open the back hatch and remove her bags. She shakes her head as though it will bring her back to her senses, and finally moves to open her door. She retrieves her key and starts toward her car, Ben trailing behind her.

"Can I call you later?"

"Yes," she answers automatically, though as soon as she says it, she realizes she might not really want him to.

She slides in the seat without looking at him and closes the door - taking care not to slam it even though she kind of wants to - and drives away without looking back.

-

Ben calls that night and she stares at his name on her screen, then rejects the call. She feels a stab of guilt, but she’s just not ready for the comfort of his voice or his gentle words. She can't quite reconcile those things with him more or less lying to her.

Because she didn't sleep last night, then slept most of the way home, she knows her sleep schedule is screwed. She picks out a book that she's read probably ten times and reads until about four o'clock in the morning before drifting off.

Work is a nightmare. 

It's a court day and she finds her coffee isn't doing it's job. She's moving slowly and has to turn around twice to go back to the office for things she forgot on her way to the courtroom. She's not sure what she will do if Ben has a case today.

She isn't ready to see him.

He calls her during lunch and she rejects the call again, laying her head in her hands and wondering how she's going to handle this. She thinks she's probably being childish by ignoring him, but then again, fighting with him wouldn't accomplish anything at this point either. Her friends catch onto her demeanor and Rose corners her as they're leaving the office.

"Okay, spill it, Sunshine. What happened at that party?"

Rey waits until the office empties and they hang back as Rey attempts to tell her what happened without becoming overly emotional. Rose's face softens as she listens and she pets Rey's arm sympathetically. 

"I'm so sorry, Rey. I know it must be hard."

"I don't even know what to do now. I don’t even have an _inkling_ of an idea how to handle this. Sometimes I think I should hold on as long as I can, spend every minute with him before he leaves. Other times I think that I should end it now, cut my losses -” She trails off because she’s not even sure that option would do any good at this point. She’s _in love_ _with him_. Can it hurt any more than it already does? 

Rose is quiet, watching her with eyes full of sympathy. She doesn’t offer any advice, which Rey appreciates because she isn’t asking her what to do, just venting her frustration and hurt. Her head aches and her heart aches and her stomach is in knots. She doesn’t want to talk about it anymore now that she’s gotten it off her chest. She’s too worried that her hurt feelings will cloud her judgment and she will say things to Rose that should be between her and Ben.

They walk out together and as Rey goes to her car, she realizes it’s the first time in a long time that Ben hasn’t been standing out there waiting for her. As ridiculous as it had been, she had grown used to seeing him standing in the parking lot waiting on her, insisting that he didn’t want her walking the dimly lit lot after dark. Her throat constricts and she feels another round of tears threatening. She’s angry at him for withholding his plans from her. She’s angry at him for being so goddamn wonderful that she misses the stupid little things he does to show he cares. She checks her phone, but he hasn’t attempted to call her again since she ignored him on her lunch. As much as she wants to call just to hear his voice, she honestly doesn’t know what to say.

* 

Ben’s first week without Rey is a level of pain that he hadn’t counted on when she left him on Sunday.

For one, he had asked to call her and she agreed to it. So he had assumed for several hours that the two of them could start talking their way through this.

But she didn’t answer Sunday night or Monday. Or Tuesday night when he tried. Or Wednesday morning when he’d sent her a text.

He’d stopped trying after that because the last thing he wants is to smother her. So by Thursday at lunchtime, he finds that he’s thoroughly miserable and is making everyone around him miserable as well. His mood only worsens when he comes in from lunch to find his mother and Luke in his office.

He glares at the back of their heads when he enters his office and sees them sitting across from his desk. He clears his throat and they both jump up and greet him, smiling cheerfully as if they hadn’t ruined his Christmas.

Leia, never intimidated by his  _ leave me the fuck alone _ energy or aggressive body language, throws her arms around his middle and hugs him like she always does. He resists the urge to roll his eyes because Luke is watching him carefully and he doesn’t need any of his uncle’s shit right now about being disrespectful.

“Is this an ambush?” He deadpans. “Because it feels like it.”

Leia frowns up at him and looks about two seconds away from swatting at him when Luke says, “Did you do something that warrants an ambush?”

Ben manages to keep his mouth closed, but Luke seems to notice the way he’s grinding his jaw and quirks an eyebrow at him in question. Ben walks around his desk and drops into his chair, his eyes shifting between the two of them expectantly.

“It’s good news,” Leia finally says.

“I’m officially cancer-free,” Luke says, a smile turning up the corners of his mouth beneath his beard, his blue eyes twinkling.

Ben exhales sharply and feels relief wash over him. As mad as he is at Luke for being, well,  _ Luke _ he is beyond relieved to hear that the treatments have worked. He puts his head in a hand and just breathes for a moment, a little shocked at how much of a weight that the news has lifted.

“That-” His voice is a rasp, so he clears it again and restarts, “that is great, Uncle Luke. That’s...I’m relieved. I’m happy.” He chuckles a little and shakes his head, then meets his mother’s eyes.

She looks relieved too and he doesn’t know why he didn’t pick up on it when he walked in. For over a year, his mother had walked around with what seemed like a weight pushing her down, but now she seems happy, light, as carefree as a person like her could get.

Luke chuckles too and says, “I want to get back to work as soon as I can. Leia tried to talk me into waiting until next month, but I can’t wait that long. All I’ve had for months is rest, so my first day back will be Monday.”

Ben’s eyebrows shoot to the top of his forehead because he did _ not _ anticipate having to share office space with Luke so soon. And he knows that Luke will need him in the office for a couple of weeks to transition back and get caught up on all his cases. 

“Alright, I’ll let Mitaka know and he can make some notes on the active cases and get the files pulled. I have electronic backups obviously, but I’ve made sure to keep the paper copies…”

“Thank goodness,” Luke mutters, sending a glare at Ben’s computer. “I’m too tactile for everything to be on the computer. I need it in my hand.”

Leia rolls her eyes and gives Ben an exasperated look. But the look lasts a bit too long and her face shifts in such a way that Ben knows she’s about to change the subject.

_ Please don’t ask about Rey _ , he thinks.

But it’s not his mother that speaks. She continues to look at him steadily as  _ Luke _ shifts the topic. “So I was wondering...I know you’ve built up this caseload quite a bit and I’ve heard from other attorneys that you’re more than competent in court. Would you - would you want to stay on with me? I know your original plan was to move back to Coruscant, but you’ve done well here…”

Luke trails off and Ben can only guess that it’s because of the look on his face. He knows he’s closing off because he doesn’t want to talk about this again. He can feel his jaw clench and his face morph into something resembling irritation. Was it not enough that he was badgered into going to law school? Now they have to try to badger him into practicing the kind of law that they want him to practice - not where his interests lie.

“I’m not staying,” Ben says, his tone clipped. He glances at his mother in time to see her face fall.

“Why not?” Luke asks, clearly not taking Ben’s cues that this is a sure-fire way to start a fight with him. “You don’t even have to share office space with me or continue in family law. I’m sure there’s something you can find here that’s more to your liking…”

“I need space,” Ben tells him, attempting to keep his voice steady. “And the opportunity I have with Snoke…”

“He’s going to work you to death, Ben,” Leia cuts him off with a pleading tone. “Eighty hours a week is  _ not _ an exaggeration of what he will expect from you.”

Ben is quiet for a moment, then says, “If I want to make money, I have to put in the work…”

“Jesus Christ, Ben!” Leia snaps. “Is that what you really want? Lots of money?”

Her tone unleashes something in Ben and he stands up. “I want to get out from under  _ you _ . I don’t want to go to work everyday and be seen as  _ Leia’s son _ or  _ Luke’s nephew _ . You wanted me to go into law, so I did. But I’m doing it my way. I’m not trapping myself under your shadow so you can gloat to all your friends about how I’m following family tradition. I’m not doing it.”

Luke and Leia stay seated, staring at him, seemingly completely unsurprised at his outburst. They knew they were pushing him to harsh words, expected it from him, and now they have the nerve to sit across from him looking disappointed - not in his decisions, but his behavior. 

“Alright then,” Luke says finally, slapping his hands against his thighs before he stands up. “How long before you leave?”

Ben had planned on suggesting a month at the beginning of all this, but now he’s feeling suffocated and spiteful, so he says, “Two weeks.”

Luke nods and makes his way to the door, turning back when he realizes that Leia isn’t following him. She’s still seated in her chair, staring out the window behind Ben. Luke waits a moment and then seems to realize that Leia wants to speak to Ben alone, so he mutters, “I’ll be in the car.”

Leia doesn’t acknowledge him, just waits until she’s heard the front door open and close. And then she pins Ben with a look.

At first, he thinks she’s going to take up Luke’s argument while he isn’t here, try to convince Ben that staying is an option without Luke breathing down his neck. That’s what Ben expects, but instead she sighs heavily and reaches into her purse. She pulls out a black velvet box and lays it on Ben’s desk. 

He knows it’s a ring box, but he’s completely lost on why Leia is making a display of it. He won’t let her win this game by revealing his curiosity, so he just sits there, looking at her expectantly while avoiding looking at the little box.

She jerks her chin at the box. “That’s your Grandma Padme’s ring. I thought you might want it.”

Ben rolls his eyes and finally reaches across the table to grab the box. He flips open the top and studies the antique ring inside. It’s a pear-shaped emerald with tiny diamonds lining the edge of the gemstone, as well as the rose gold band. It’s a beautiful ring, but Ben has no idea what he’s going to do with it. He lifts a questioning eyebrow when he meets Leia’s eyes.

“For the future,” Leia says, giving him a meaningful look. “I know you haven’t been together long, but surely you must be thinking about a future with Rey.”

Ben drops the ring box like it’s burned him and looks at his mother aghast. He should’ve known that this was more than her passing on a family heirloom that he really had no use for. “We’ve been together for four months,” he croaks. And he’s not even sure if  _ together _ is the right word anymore. She hadn’t broken up with him, but he also hadn’t spoken to her in four days.

“The length of time seems irrelevant, Ben,” Leia tells him. “I’ve seen you with her. The way you look at her. Is she not different from the others?”

Of course she is. He doesn’t even need to answer Leia. It’s not a real question. She’s just trying to prove a point.

“I’m not interested in marriage,” Ben tells her.

Leia’s brows lift at that. “But you’re interested in her.”

“It may already be over,” he mumbles, his eyes flitting back to the ring.

“What?”

He squeezes the bridge of his nose and realizes just how much he doesn’t want to talk about this. “I’m busy, Mom. I have to start wrapping things up before I leave, so…”

“Benjamin,” Leia says, not making a move to leave. “Don’t screw this up.”

And he’s so fucking tired of this. Sick to death of his mom just waiting for his next fuck up. His hands land hard on the desk in front of him. “Because that’s all I do, right? All I do is screw up and you just can’t handle it anymore? I graduated with honors and you were disappointed that I didn’t immediately go to law school. I go to law school and have a fucking  _ crisis _ my first year and now I’m treated like a ticking timebomb, no matter that I’ve been clean for going on three years. I’d say of done pretty well for myself considering I’m such a  _ fuck up _ .”

“Ben, that’s not…”

“Please, just leave.” He’s staring at the desk now, unable to even look at her for fear that he’ll yell some more. He sees her move in his periphery and she walks slowly to the door. He glances up in time to see her turn around and open her mouth like she’s going to say something. Thankfully, she decides against it and leaves without further incident.

Ben collapses back into his chair and pulls his hands through his hair. His eyes land on the ring on his desk that Leia left and for a few minutes, he lets himself imagine that he’s different, that he’s got his shit together, that he could actually make something work in the long run.

He imagines sliding that ring onto her finger after she tells him  _ yes _ . He imagines coming home to her every night - not because he’s talked her into staying with him because it’s convenient due to the proximity of where she works but because she  _ lives  _ there, full time. He imagines wrapping her in his arms every night and waking up to her every morning. He imagines what she might look like twenty years from now and knows somehow she’d still be the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.

Then he lets it go. Brushes it aside. It’s not something he can do, not something he can sustain. Ben’s always been honest with himself about his capabilities and screwing up is another one of those inevitabilities. Hell, he’s sure he’s already done it since she won’t talk to him.

So he flips the lid closed on the ring and stuffs it in his desk drawer, then gets to work.


End file.
